[dejavoo]

I really need someone to talk too it is while that I am trying to fight back but I feel I am just losing my hope every time and I am falling deeper...

I always wanted to do something hard and achieve the hardest thing in my life I always prefer to seat and study instead of going out and partying like others.. I was very shy when I was young and I felt very uncomfortable when I went in places that I did not now anyone! I had friends but when I am looking back I almost break up with most of them after a while I had 2 boyfriend up until now the first one was not a good relation. And he made me cry most of time ,he try to control me acoused me with something I have not done I remebere onece he suddenly stopped talking with me for several days without any reason later when we talked I heard that he simple assumed that I did something which I have not done... it took me 3 month but finally I made my mind... when I said I want to break up with him, he treatend me that he will do something to hurt me... our relation only last 4 month.. eventually I found a cuarage and I broke up... then I did not go out for almost 5 years...

When I moved to another country... I met another guy I did not really loved him, but as the time passed and he asked me out several times... we started to go out... I was studying for my exams and I was very stressed too... (eventhough my parents migrated to this country with me... as they were working back in my original home country.. they only stayed for a month and left)... I was alone and did not have any friends... so I emotionally start to attach to this guy and talking about everything with him... later on I found that he is hiding things from me and start to lies(I probebly can not explain everything about our relation in short here)... but anyway, we were argued about it several times . Then eventually, we simply stop talking and automatically breaked up...

I feel like whenever things got complicated, I am running away instead of fighting! I feel like, it is getting harder for me to trust againg... I am 28 now I have left my home country, when I was 18 and I started studying dentistry in another country. I started to live alone there after 18 years living with my parents and never been reall sociaty.. even though, I had no difficulty with money... but I found it hard to live in another country alone.. to adapt to the new envioroment, new people and culture.. and study at the same time in another language...

I gratuated three years ago. I was really happy at first I felt proud that achieve hard thing... but then I moved again to join my family in canada... as my parents migrate here... at first I was OK and I start studying imidiatly for the exames. As the candian system is different here for foreighn dentists... even though, I felt very frustrated as I just graduated.. and I was not really ready for this much stress... I have tried 2 years consequently ,without any break... I went through several steps as they changed the systems twice during my time... each time went to the border line.. but in the end... could not get in and only one step away!

I am feeling really really depressed now as I still have to continue this way but I am so afraid to fall another time.. and it is getting harder and harder to concentrate...

My parents send me to several dates... for arrange marrige.. but I really really do not think I am ready for family now... with my last experience in dealing with relationships and specially if I do not know that person... but they keep pushing me that it is getting late for getting married and I may end of being alon till the end...

Lately, I can not sleep well at night because I am thinking about these problems and how to get on with my life... I feel like I don not want to rush to the next day... I want to make THE NIGHT take longer...

I was crying a lot at first but now I just feel sad , tierd and depressed most of time and not crying so much... I tried to ask for help before... I went to doctors... they gave me anti anxiaty which did not helped me... because they are not solving my problems... I do not know how to start solving them anymore... lately, whenever things get slightly complex... I just give up... even though, in my heart I am fighting not to... I am simply afraid to do anything. Because, I feel like I will fail to do the task anyway... which make me even more depressed... I know I am going to regret this so much later on but still I can not do anything...

I am so happy that I found a place to write and talk about all these.. I feel slightly lighter... this make me feel abit better now... and sorry, I know I wrote a lot but it was a along I have not talked with anyone...

Thank you so much.

[Jake2008]

Sometimes, when life gets overwhelming, we find ourselves in a rut. Why? Because it is easier finding excuses to stay there and do nothing, than to live up to our own expectations.

With your parents hot on the path of having you married, and the suitors all lined up, is just adding to your misery, as you have said you are not interested, and not ready.

My advice to you is to get through the system, get your licence, and start working as a dentist. At least you will be interracting with other people, and earning a good income. That will give you some confidence as well.

Try to get out and do some volunteer work. Join a fitness club, or go to the Y. Take some courses at a local college that interest you- maybe an art class, pottery etc. Anything that will provide you with an opportunity to socialize with other adults.

You have been idle for too long! Take a look at your life, and decide to make some decisions to live it. Nothing that you have experienced in the past, including bad relationships, automatically means that you are some sort of failure. Use what you have learned to make your life better.

You seem to have put yourself in a place that justifies that all future attempts at a relationship, or being happy, or being successful, just won't happen because of bad experiences in the past.

Time to move on, plot a course for the future. You are wasting a lot of precious time.

[dejavoo]

Dear mrs jake I just write back to you, because I want to thank you as you spend your time to read and reply to me...
I feel much much better now and I started to study for my exams with a gread energy... I guess it taked a while this time, I wish I would have done this earlier instead of waisting so much time and being so sad for nothing!.
But I am very very greadfull and happy that I finally got up and went back to my old self, now I really want to run and achieve a big goal ;)... I finally moved on , thank you for giving me a push.
Wish you always happyness...

[Jake2008]

dejavoo, you are welcome. It is wonderful to hear you are doing so well, and feeling good about everything!

All the best to you.