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jane89 · Dec 3, 2006, 10:26 AM

Hi I need help on this guy I really like. It seems silly but there's two things that are really annoying me. First of all he has a girlfriend, and secondly I have a really negative confidence problem so I can't be as lively or as chatty as I want to be, or as I usually am around my friends. We've spent a lot of time together, and we are quite flirty, and my friends seem to think he likes me, but today wasn't as good as I think he's losing interest in me because I'm not as bubbly around him because of my confidence. What can I do or what will help me to be more confident around him? If I am more confident around him I might get more clues as to whether he likes me back the way I like him.

Thanks :confused:

J_9 · Dec 3, 2006, 10:36 AM

Jane, you should probably leave him alone. He has a girlfriend.

Put yourself in her place. If he was your boyfriend, how would you feel if he started liking another girl?

jane89 · Dec 3, 2006, 11:12 AM

Yeah good point. I will. They hardly ever see each other though and he flirts with me big time. So I should just forget about it and get over him are you saying?

Geoffersonairplane · Dec 3, 2006, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by jane89

yeh good point. i will. they hardly ever see each other though and he flirts with me big time. so i should just forget about it and get over him are you saying?

If he flirts with you while he is seeing someone else, then he really is not worth it..

He would do the same to you when he got bored with you.

If he is bored with this other woman, then why not finish with her instead of flirting with someone else while in a relationship regardless of how often he sees that person?

I don't know, there are different degrees of flirting, but I would not dream of doing any degree of flirting while I was with someone I care for and never have. Perhaps that is the difference though, perhaps he does not care for this other woman...

People like that though only usually care about themselves. I don't know the guy so can't really judge, just an outsider's perspective really..

I suppose looking in the window is o.k though.. By that I mean, finding another woman attractive.. Don't they call it window shopping.. LOL.

There are lines which are crossed though and I believe some degree of flirting can sometimes cross these barriers (in an emotional sense).

Leave him alone, he is with someone and not available for purchase..

talaniman · Dec 3, 2006, 02:46 PM

Work on your confidence, and let this guy go about his own business. You don't need a man who has proven he is a flirt when he has a girlfriend. That would surely not help your confidence.

s_cianci · Dec 3, 2006, 02:49 PM

Well, if he has a girlfriend then you should really back off, regardless of how much you think he likes you and vice versa. Suppose the situation was reversed ; if you had a boyfriend, you wouldn't want some other girl trying to make the moves on him and encouraging him, would you? As for your confidence issues, just keep hanging with your friends. As you develop your social skills the confidence will come.

chuff · Dec 3, 2006, 03:42 PM

Jane, lets assume he hooks up with you then what happens after a few months when he starts flirting with other girls. You know he's going to because he does now.

soccerfan · Dec 3, 2006, 03:50 PM

Originally Posted by jane89

hi i need help on this guy i really like. it seems silly but theres two things that are really annoying me. first of all he has a girlfriend, and secondly i have a really negative confidence problem so i can't be as lively or as chatty as i want to be, or as i usually am around my friends. we've spent a lot of time together, and we are quite flirty, and my friends seem to think he likes me, but today wasnt as good as i think he's losing interest in me cos im not as bubbly around him cos of my confidence. what can i do or what will help me to be more confident around him? if i am more confident around him i might get more clues as to whether he likes me back the way i like him.

thanx :confused:

He sounds like a kid in a candy store Jane I'm sure he is interested in you,not knocking you but your probably not the first girl he's tried it on with yet he still has the same girlfriend so unless you want to be more than a fling I suggest you leave him alone,even if he did want more who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you?Regards your low confidence,get out more don't costantly hang out with the same people and go the same places,broaden your horizons!Deep down everybody has had the same problem at one time in their life!

valinors_sorrow · Dec 3, 2006, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Jane, lets assume he hooks up with you then what happens after a few months when he starts flirting with other girls. You know he's going to because he does now.

Most excellent point! The only way it works Chuff is to delude yourself into thinking that THIS love is just soooooo special, it wouldn't be like that... "I mean he REALLY LOVES me!!" :rolleyes:

Sadly 99.9% of the time its not different at all.

Here is the acid test to it too... if you can identify something really tangible outside of your own terminal uniqueness that indicates it is different, like a huge religious conversion or an alien abduction or some other BIG event, then MAYBE its different. Wishful thinking will not make it so. Sorry. He is not the quick fix short cut to your low self esteem --- working on yourself is the only way.