[tragedy]

I tried to keep myself really busy these few days hoping that I would get her out of my mind. I saw her yesterday. Fortunately, she didn't see me. She was wearing the dress when we went out for our first movie date. I could still recall how beautiful she looked then and I was not able to take my eyes off her. She completely blew me away. And now, she was wearing the same dress looking beautiful as usual dating someone new. My heart ache a little but I realized that she's no longer mine. It's sad but true. I decided to check on her myspace a while ago and I saw her notes to him saying that he is her strength, hope, joy and everything. It crushed my heart a little... and I know I can never have her back.

[vanheart]

Good that you know all of that.

Now stop talking about her.

[tragedy]

I've decided to go for a short trip this weekend and next month. I hope by the time I return, I will feel much better. I cannot deny that I still love her somehow and this feeling is hiding somewhere around the corner of my heart. I'm afraid to let it out again. There was once I thought we could build a family together. I was ready to go down on my knees on her birthday when we go for skydiving and romantic dinner for two with a 0.53 carat diamond ring. I still have the ring with me and whenever I look at it, I wish I could have the chance to put it on her finger. I guess all I can do now is to let it pass and be part of the history. It's just sad and I hope there are no more hiccups during my recovery. :(

[vanheart]

Oy, you're killing me with that proposal stuff after the fact.
And with a user & abuser as well. Still hung up and for no reason.

I hope your trips help you realize that there's more than this.

[amicon]

Enjoy your trips,return the ring to ring to the shop and stop looking at her pictures!

[tragedy]

LOL... Thanks, Vanheart. I guess I was pretty much blinded by love. Sometimes you just love the person for who they are. I know she abused me but I can't help to fall for her. I really love her truthfully but I'm tired of chasing for something that it's no longer mine. It's even tiring when I'm trying to impress her when she no longer cares what I'm up to etc. Reality is... she's belongs to someone else already. :(

[vanheart]

You haven't found love yet. You need to grow yourself.
Decide some things. First things first.

That's how it works. We have all been there.
I was soooo in love with this girl from Philly when I was 22.

And loved others way after.

I even thought I loved my recent ex.

The point is, we learn and when its right we, know. That is when we truly connect with ourselves first. Not to rebound or fall in love with someone who simply speaks sweet nothings in our ears.

Its way deeper. Find that in yourself & you will find that in others.

Its different for everyone.

[tragedy]

I just woke up from a short nap and guess what? I dreamt of her. We were quarelling and I tried to work things out. I really miss her. I never thought it would end this way... with bitter drama. :(

[vanheart]

That's because you aren't letting go.

I had those dreams and on occasion still do.

Use those dreams to realize its truly over & get on with your life.

Its not worth it to keep on like this. No point.

You can't change the past, only make way for good things in the future.

Don't continue the bitter drama, she's not.

Its all in your head & in your control now. Have some will to change.

[vanheart]

You know, what we would all like here is to hear how you are going to move on and your plan. Some positive stuff.

Its over. Get it.

Take some value in all of the advice here. Believe me, if it wasn't for this site, I wouldn't be hear giving advice.

Start listening & doing, not wallowing over this reject that screwed with you head.

This is, as I mentioned not a tragedy. The earthquake in Haiti is.
Real suffering.

You can't still have her on some ridiculous pedestal after she demolished you.

Move on & wish her well. Stop the boo-hooing.

[tragedy]

Thanks, Vanheart. You're right. I just got to get up and walk again. It has been months since she walked away. I really hope my short trip will somehow help me to get over her.

[amicon]

Yes it's really time for best foot forward.
Time to let the past go-live in the present and make plans for the future.

[tragedy]

Guys, I'm back from a very very short trip. It was a good one but I still need to do a little work on myself. I still think of her.. well, off and on. And I had the weirdest dream ever. I dreamt I was in some party with my new girlfriend and somehow my ex wanted to reconnect back with me. What a dream! Haha!

I tried to look at her pictures... just to check which stage I'm in now. Somehow, I still get that kind of strange feelings. I guess I'm not there-there yet. I found out from one of our mutual friends that she's on vacation with her new man, yeah again! For the entire week. This is a good news for me because I wouldn't need to see or even hear her voice. At least it helps me to stay sane a little bit. I really wonder when will I reach the stage that I will no longer care anymore... It's so near yet so far!

[amicon]

It would be a lot 'nearer'if you stopped going back to check out her pictures!

You're only opening up the wound when you do that.
So don't.
Stop wallowing in the past.
Stop measuring your peace of mind against whether she is at home or on vacation.

[tragedy]

I find it silly too to even think of someone who doesn't even want me anymore. I will try not to look at it anymore. I know there's no point of holding on to something that's no longer mine. Why do people always want what they can't have.. It's funny isn't it..

[UnluckyDucky]

People not only what they can't have but also what's not good for them! Love can do some crazy things to us, including make us overlook things which would normally be unacceptable to us.

Remember, she physically and verbally abused you. In my book, that's a chapter I'd gladly move on from. I sure as hell don't need that kind of person in my life...

[tragedy]

I agree, Ducky. If we didn't date, I doubt I will accept someone who physically abuses me. I guess I still hold on to those sweet memories we shared and maybe that's the reason why I can't fully let go. I'm working hard now not to think of her and replace it with something else when she pops into my mind. I know she has completely wiped me out of her life and her memory and that's what I need to learn from her. I keep asking myself "if she can do it, why can't i?"... She's happily attached and I keep telling myself "let go, let go, let go! She's already with another man!". It's so funny, I already know the truth and why am I still holding on to something that's no longer there... It's just so weird. I will try harder this time to get her out of my mind and hopefully I will get over her soon.

[tragedy]

Seriously, I think that I really have to move to another new place. I was in peace a couple of days ago. Sadly, I ran into her yesterday but I did not greet her even though I wish I could. Apparently, she's just back from her trip with her new man. I could still feel the pain and my tears were parked behind my eyes. I tried to be strong but my thoughts are filled with her images. This is not doing any good and there's some part of me wanted to drop her a note saying 'hi' but I know this will look seriously pathetic. I feel so uncomfortable and it's kind of hard for me to explain the feelings. I think I'm doomed :(

[amicon]

You're only doomed in the sense that you still can't let go of this feeling of allowing yourself to be controlled by the comings and goings of a person who is no longer in your life.

You are doing this to you,nobody else.

You can also stop feeling this way,or not.
It's your choice.

[talaniman]

Though you have posted a lot in the last 2 months, its only been 2 months, after a two year relationship. Not nearly enough time, so be patient.

It helps to strengthen your coping skills with a solid plan of action when these unexpected thoughts and meetings happen when your still so freshly hurting.

Anything that changes your focus for a few minutes will work, but has to actively involved physical movement and mental focus.

For example, washing dishes, cleaning closets, shopping for a new shirt and engaging the salesperson.

Over time, these small, temporary diversions become second habit, and keep you from sitting and dwelling on what if, and why me.