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deristarr · Jan 19, 2010, 10:21 PM

I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now. We started seeing each other on new years, but it's kind of emotionally complicated. His previous girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with him after Christmas and he isn't handling so well. He seems to be a mess and I 'm not sure what to do. He says he's been hurt and it's going to take some time for him to heal.
He does like me and I do like him, but I don't know what step to take next. We're not a couple, but I do see him everyday and I just would like some advice on what to with him, and with myself?

Jake2008 · Jan 20, 2010, 03:55 AM

His ex girlfriend dumped him after Christmas, and you started seeing him on New Years. That is like going from the frying pan into the fire.

He is not able to commit to a relationship with you, because obviously he is not over his ex. He needs time to heal as he told you.

While he may think a lot of you, at this point, he needs a friend, more than a girlfriend. It doesn't sound like you're not a couple to me.

If you can be a friend to him, that is what he needs. Let him know you aren't going to put any pressure on him and that you'd like to be there for him, and no more.

When he knows himself that he has recovered from the breakup, you will know.

In the meanwhile, try not to put your own life on hold, or get too dragged into the aftermath of his last relationship. Also try not to rescue him, or mother him. He needs to go through this himself so that he will be stronger and truly single and free from his past when the hurting and healing is done.

amicon · Jan 20, 2010, 06:37 AM

Healing from a breakup takes time and patience-he needs to get over the ex completely before dating again.

Be a friend if you can handle that-dont try to be a rebound girlfriend.

I wish · Jan 20, 2010, 07:31 AM

Sounds like you're to victim of being his rebound.

Why don't you leave him alone until he recovers from a break up before you continue this possible relationship.

roxypox · Jan 20, 2010, 06:16 PM

No wonder he's stuck on his ex... its still FRESH; FRESH; FRESH... I think you should stop seeing him for now and let him heal a while.

As of right now, I'm sad to say, you're his rebound. From right after Christmas-to new years is a VERY short amount of time.

I think that right now, you can offer to be his friend... but you need to let him heal on his own and on his own time. So even though you like him, it might be a good idea to pull back. If you can't just be his friend right now, then you need to be honest with yourself and him about it.

neverme · Jan 20, 2010, 06:19 PM

This is WAY too soon for a relationship!

Back off, at best you will be a rebound, at worst you will be hurt if he gets back with his ex.

jaime90 · Jan 21, 2010, 10:51 AM

Give him some space, it's what he really needs at the moment. You shouldn't even consider a relationship with someone who is emotionally hurt from a recent breakup. You'll either be a rebound, or end up making life worse for the other person. Just be his friend, support him, but don't try a relationship at this point.

deristarr · May 24, 2010, 01:18 PM

Threads merged

So I've been seeing the same guy now for the past 5 months. I've caught him texting this certain girl and seen what they have been saying to each other and let's just say I do not like it. We've talked about why he's been seeing her and such several times now and I'm to the point where I have no trust for him and I'm extremely angry. Every time we talk about it I tell him how I feel and I'm sure he's just telling me what I want to hear. So now what?

ZoeMarie · May 24, 2010, 01:26 PM

The first thing I notice is that you posted this under dating, so does that mean that the two of you have not established that you're exclusive? Maybe to him you guys are just dating. I would focus more on where this is going between the two of you.

Devorameira · May 24, 2010, 02:48 PM

If I was in an exclusive committed relationship and my boyfriend was contacting another girl knowing that it hurt me, he'd be history.

If the relationship is only casual (not exclusive), then you really don't have a right to tell him to not communicate with her.

talaniman · May 26, 2010, 07:42 AM

Wonder why you didn't point out that this certain girl is his ex that he broke up with in December, and you hooked up with him a few days later.

They have unfinished business, and you should not even be in the picture, as you are his rebound and safety net while he chases his ex still.

Not a good situation to be in so get out of it.

I wish · May 26, 2010, 07:52 AM

You've been playing this rebound game for 5 months. It's not fair to you, so why do you play still along? You deserve better.

Cat1864 · May 26, 2010, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by deristarr

[B]We've talked about why he's been seeing her and such several times now and i'm to the point where I have no trust for him and i'm extemely angry. Everytime we talk about it I tell him how i feel and i'm sure he's just telling me what I want to hear. So now what?

'Seeing' is different from 'texting'. Please define 'seeing'.

In the five months that you have been 'seeing' him, have you given him any trust? I am not going to ask how you read their text messages because I think that probably comes under the banner of 'trust'. Honestly, if you don't trust him, then you should let him and any possible relationship go.

Back in January, he wasn't ready for a new relationship (and rightly so) because he had just gotten out of his last relationship less than a week before he started 'seeing' you. Has that changed or are you still trying to change it?

Why are you angry and who are you angry with? Her, for being in contact with him? Him, for being contact with her and being being extremely confused about who he wants to be with? Him, because he hasn't given you the full commitment that you want? Yourself, because you got involved with someone who essentially jumped from one relationship into a 'relationship' with you without taking time to heal? Yourself, because you think you should be able to control his healing process? Yourself, because you know you should walk away and give yourself a chance to heal before getting involved with someone else?

You tell him how you feel, but do you listen to how he feels? Does he feel like he can be honest with you about his feelings?

There is absolutely no reason to stay in a relationship where all you do is worry, stay angry, and/or don't have trust especially since those seem to be the only emotions you have right now.

DaisyBoo · May 27, 2010, 05:45 AM

In your original thread you started the two of you were not a couple so even though you might be seeing him you need to know your place. I don't you know what need to be done and knew this was not right from the start. However, maybe you thought you could help rescue him and thought that his time with you would help him forget about his ex. However, your plan backfire.

My mother always told me to never, I mean never, think about involved with someone who is not over their past.