[ithurtsme]

My 41 yr old daughter, married, 9 yr old daughter, does not trust me to babysit or drive her car when I visit. They live out of state. Last year she told me that she just does not trust me to drive her car, or to be alone with my grandaughter. That hurts. My daughter has a lot of emotional scars from growing up with me severely depressed and she worries about everything. I am divorced, have been since she was 5, and all her life she never showed me anything but love. My son is not a problem... I can be a regular Mom and Gramma when I visit him.

My daughter is married to a very high strung TYPE A guy, and I love him, but he is very difficult, and not at all talkative. Last year my daughter fnally told me that she had no intentions of ever letting me drive their car and take my grandaughter to movies, shopping, parks or anywhere. She thinks I will get into an accident. I have had 9 years of visits to her house, very stressful, because I just do not feel welcome. Also my granddaughter is very hyper and she cheats playing games and she talks to me in a manner that I would never talk to my grandmother.

I love my daughter, and she says she loves me, but it sure does not feel that way.

Is there any hope for a 41 yr old daughter and me her mother? We have a relationship that needs so much healing, and I don't know what to do anymore. Since she became a Mom 9 years ago, she just is not the same. She does not trust me at all and worries that I will cause emotional pain to my granddaughter, because when my daughter grew up, I was very depressed and this hurt her. She also will not let me babysit or drive her car and do fun things with my granddaughter. Help

[Fr_Chuck]

I have merged the two posts, they seem to have a common base

[Gemini54]

I'd suggest that your relationship with yourself needs some healing. Have you ever spoken to a counselor about the cause of your depression? You still sound fragile and sensitive, and it may be that you are still depressed.

If your daughter feels this way, there may not be much that you can do to change her mind in the short term. However, you can continue to be a loving grandmother and simply lower your expectations regarding baby-sitting and driving your daughter's car.

In time your daughter may change her mind, but firstly I would suggest that you need to get some counselling for yourself so that you feel emotionally stronger and so that your daughter's attitude does not bother you as much.

Why worry about what may or may not happen in the future? Enjoy the time you do have with your granddaughter and try not to stress too much, as there is not much that you can do to change the dynamics of that household.

[Jake2008]

It seems very dramatic that she would not allow you to drive your granddaughter, or be alone with your granddaughter. You attribute this to you being depressed as a mother yourself, and she has some sort of fear of you what- reverting back to the way you were?

It must have been at least 20 years ago that she could have been directly affected by you being depressed. But, she has turned out well, married, and a child.

I think there is more to this story. This isn't about the car, or being alone with your granddaughter.

She doesn't trust you, and has some rather serious walls built up between herself and her family, and you.

Is there anything else that could possibly contribute to this severe lack of trust?

[ithurtsme]

She said that because I have had a few car accidents over my life that she is worried. None of these accidents were my fault. One time my car was stolen, anothr time a girl got on the highway onto an exit ramp and hit me head on. I was hurt, but not seriously. So because I had accidents, this is why. All I know is that when she became a mother 9 years ago, she changed towards me.

[J_9]

I thought you wanted to delete your membership and your posts. If you want this, why do you keep responding?

[J_9]

Closed per request of OP.