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sotnasa · Jan 15, 2010, 01:32 AM

Update:

She called me and left me a voice mail saying that she made her mind. So I called her back and this is what she told me.

"I am to young to be wasting my youth in a relationship this serious. All I want now is to be free and focus on my new job."

Then I couldn't hold anymore and burst in tears for the first time in 12 years. Then she said this "How can you do this to me?" And then started crying.

I been crying for over 2 hours and IDK how to make it stop. But now I realized that she can never be that person that I can count in my life. But it is hard realizing that after all we shared.

amicon · Jan 15, 2010, 02:01 AM

Heartbreaking as this is,now you know.
Crying's OK you know,and I bet we all do on occasions such as this.
Sometimes relationships don't work out the way we would have wished for and we can only pick ourselves up and move on as best we can.
Make sure you have things to do and be around friends and family.
The pain will go away, it takes is time and an active lifestyle,so keep busy.
Take good care of yourself.

sotnasa · Jan 15, 2010, 02:17 AM

I took a shower played some guitar and calmed myself a little. It felt good to cry as much as I did. It just hard to process all that information right now. I know I will find someone amazing that will want to give all her heart to me and I will be truly happy again.

But how do I know the next person will do the same? After all she seemed the right person.

As the new hobby everyone says for me to pick out, I guess Ill just use my hours to spend on the gym to get my body in shape for a bodybuilder competition I wanted to get in a while but didn't had the time. The family and friends it's a little hard since I am alone in the US since all my family lives in Spain. And most of my friends are in other states since its still winter break.

PS: Her best friend came to me after she called and asked me how I was. Then he went and gave her hell. Now she texted me and said this.

"Just f*ucking take my friends with you"

How can I person change in a short time. As right now she is not the person I fell in love with.

amicon · Jan 15, 2010, 02:37 AM

The gym's a great idea. Go for it and that competition.
As for friends and family,maybe give some of them a call?
As for the ex-ignore her-at best she comes across as a childish b***h, who's showing her true colours.
Don't worry about her actions-no vale la pena.
You will surely meet someone who is mature enough to love you as you deserve to be loved.
Just heal properly from this breakup before you start looking again.

LJDK · Jan 15, 2010, 03:56 AM

How do you know the next one won't do the same?
You don't, all relationships are a leap of faith. That is what makes it so exciting.

Good luck with the gym

sotnasa · Jan 15, 2010, 02:03 PM

I woke up today feeling much better after reading all the advices and stories on how things will be better. I realized that all I can do now it to improve myself and keep my mind off things. Since I been in this relationship I gave up a couple of things that I used to do that made me better. But since she always told me "You dont need to do that, I love you the way you are." I kind of just never did anymore. So be today is a new chapter of my life. If I come to the temptation of contacting her or I am having a bad day Ill keep you guys posted.

Thank You for all the help so far. Never thought a bunch of strangers on a community would feel exactly the way I feel. But so far I have only heard things that is helping me get through this.

amicon · Jan 15, 2010, 02:15 PM

Hey that's good to hear!
Stay busy doing your thing and come back and update us.
Good luck!

CanIBuyAClue · Jan 15, 2010, 08:47 PM

That's good to hear. It will get easier and easier day by day. I swear my ex was in my dreams and / or the first thing I thought about when waking up for a good solid 2+ plus months after going NC. You've just got to take it one day at a time. I think the body building thing is a great idea. I'm a huge advocate for the gym, I've been tearing it up since my breakup even more so than I did before I met my ex. Nothing boosts the confidence more than looking great, so good luck with keeping up with that.

Yeah this community board is great. It's definitely very supportive. Before you know it you'll rarely post updates on your own situation and just come back to try to help people from making the same mistakes that you did. That's what I do :D . Stay strong!

sotnasa · Jan 16, 2010, 10:11 AM

Update:

Broke NC. She called me and left me a message saying that she wants to drop off a few things. So I called her and she started talking. She said that that was nothing much to give me back besides my shirt and that she was happy single. She was afraid to come back to me and not being able to be happy anymore. Said that she loved me still. Also said that I was acting like a child when the last time she called because I cried during what she told me that she wanted.

I couldn't hold it anymore and said this.

You don't have to come to delivery the shirt. I don't want you to see you while you put on my face that I can't make you happy anymore. That I am a child for ignoring you and cried the way I did. If you loved me then nono of this would be happening. You are too imature to be in a relationship this meaningful. All I want you to do to is ignore me for good and forget about me. You made your decision and now deal with it.

I know this was bad but I couldn't hold anymore. She called me a child for having feeling for her.

amicon · Jan 16, 2010, 10:50 AM

Ok-painful but now go back to NC and stay that way.
Disregard what she said and stay strong moving on.

CanIBuyAClue · Jan 16, 2010, 10:52 AM

So if you're a child for having feelings for her, does that make her pedophile? ;) This girl sounds extremely immature. People show you who they really are in a breakup, no more breaking NC as it will only hurt you more. Time to move on to bigger and better things.

A4Effort · Jan 16, 2010, 11:21 AM

I heard StumbleUpon.com: Personalized Recommendations to Help You Discover the Best of the Web

Is a good time waster and can help you become very distracted.

Stay on the NC course. You are doing well.

sotnasa · Jan 16, 2010, 03:03 PM

So she has called again and it is on her way to bring me the damn t-shirt. She also wants to talk. Now I want NC but I don't know if I can ignore her after she came all the way here. I don't know what to say or how I might react when she gets here. I get a feeling this won't be good for both of us.

CanIBuyAClue · Jan 16, 2010, 03:07 PM

I wouldn't talk to her. Nothing good will come out of it for either one of you. If anything, she just wants to talk to you to make herself feel less guilty for hurting you. I would avoid talking to her at all costs, you don't need her pity. You're leaving her in the past and moving on to bigger and better things.

sotnasa · Jan 16, 2010, 03:14 PM

I know that, I'm pretty sure she will try to come with the talk of trying to be friends because she wants me there. Ill try my best to just get the t-shirt and send her on her way. Im just afraid I won't be able to do it.

A4Effort · Jan 16, 2010, 03:49 PM

Keep it short, polite, and simple. Exercise all of your self-control. Be very firm and do not let her have her way because in the end it will only hurt you more. Afterwards continue NC and continue distancing yourself. Delete her number and stop answering any calls, aims, Facebook, etc...

This is YOUR time to work on yourself. She already has made her decision and now you need to make yours which I believe you already have. Stay strong and let us know how things went. Good luck.

sotnasa · Jan 16, 2010, 10:08 PM

Update:
Idk what this was, it just messed with my mind really bad. She got here gave me shirt and asked to talk. I was expecting something more direct and hurtful. But this is basically what she said.

When I said I wanted to be single I didn't meant to say that I wanted you out of my of my life. I just wanted some space. I met him and for a change someone else took my mind off you. I feel I am to dependent of you. Every little need I go for you for help. But you became very controlling. You also became boring in the last 3 months. Now I feel like I am with someone else much older than I am. And whenever I want to have fun with you but you never feel like it anymore. That is not how the relationship was until 3 months ago. And that's why I wanted my space. I know I sounded very selfish but I never meant to hurt you in the first place. I know if we try to work things out we can.

After all that she said she did kissed him and it felt weird. And didn't like it. That she might try to kiss him again and don't know why. But want to work things out with me. She doesn't want him but doesn't know why she wants to kiss him again.

I asked her to leave after all of that. Now I just feel even more hurt. Yeah she was nice and grew up a little bit but she still seems very confused about what she wants.

Am I like the fallback guy for her little adventure for this guy? If things don't work out she will come back? That just seems very wrong. I know some of the things she said is true but could have told me so we could out things out.

So now I am lost. Up until yesterday I got very motivated to move forward but now this feels very weird.

amicon · Jan 16, 2010, 10:22 PM

I think its time to remotivate yourself back on the moving forward path.
Don't be a fallback guy,don't allow her confusion to spill over into your life anymore.

Go back to NC and stay that way.

A4Effort · Jan 16, 2010, 10:27 PM

I think you just need to open your eyes. Too often do we become preoccupied in a relationship. We tend to loose ourselves in it. Now we can wipe those goggles clean and see clearly again.

Go out enjoy the world. You are young and have tons more to learn, explore, etc...

No Contact and stick to it. Do not over think this situation. At least wait until all the emotional dust has settled and you can think rationally.

CanIBuyAClue · Jan 17, 2010, 01:35 AM

This more or less proves my theory that you can never ever let yourself become comfortable in a relationship with a girl. Even if they say they that they love you and all that stuff, the second that you "become boring" just as she said is when they hit the road. I say good riddance. It looks like you have become the 2nd option. She shouldn't need to explore if she truly loved you. Even if she does come back, it will constantly be on your mind on when she will leave you next. I say you make a clean break.