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pupcik · Jan 12, 2010, 05:48 PM

My daughter's father comes to visit her once a year around her B-day, and rarely calls. He is on the birth certificate, and she has his last name, but we were never married. When she was around two we went our different ways. He never wanted us to remain as a family. I filled for the child support, he rarely paid, and the owed amount exceeded six thousand dollars. Now he claims that he cannot keep up with the child support and he wants me to help. Then he even said that he will even refuse the rights for the child if I will refuse any child support. Is it even possible? Of course I would love my husband to adopt the girl and be able to give her his last name, but how do I go about it?

cdad · Jan 12, 2010, 05:54 PM

If your husband want to adopt and your ex is willing to go along with it then hire a lawyer and set an adoption in motion so long as you have been married and stable for at least 1 year. Another thing is he may be looking to be forgiven on any arrears. So be aware of that.

pupcik · Jan 12, 2010, 07:29 PM

Thanks for the reply,
Would you happen to know how much would adoption process be? And can it be done without a lawyer (not sure if we can afford one)

Synnen · Jan 12, 2010, 07:58 PM

It CAN be done without a lawyer.

Setting a bone can be done without a doctor, too.

There's absolutely NO WAY I'd ever walk into an adoption without a lawyer. Too many things that could go wrong that could later cause the adoption to be overturned.

Because this is a step parent adoption, I doubt that the fees would ever come CLOSE to what it would cost to adopt an infant. I know that when I think of adoption costs, I think of tens of thousands of dollars. This is a different situation than that.

NOT having a lawyer would cost you more in the long run than working out a payment plan with a lawyer now.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 12, 2010, 08:11 PM

I bet if the father knew he would never have to pay again, not risk losing his drivers license or going to jail, he would find a way to pay at least 1/2 of the attorney

pupcik · Jan 13, 2010, 06:40 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies, but at this point I'm still not sure if this is the right step. The man who is barely in my daughters life wants to refuse his rights to her and I should put myself and my family through this headache?

AK lawyer · Jan 13, 2010, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

... as you have been married and stable for atleast 1 year. ...

That, as do many legal questions, depends upon the state. I adopted my daughter a month or so, as I recall, after I married her mother. A lot less "headache" than being a mere step-father, and dealing with a biological father having parental rights.

Synnen · Jan 14, 2010, 08:48 AM

Originally Posted by pupcik

Thanks everyone for your replies, but at this point I'm still not sure if this is the right step. The man who is barely in my daughters life wants to refuse his rights to her and i should put myself and my family through this headache?

Because he can refuse his rights all he wants---FOR NOW. What he probably does NOTunderstand is that parental rights and parental responsibility are 2 different things. In other words--signing away his parental rights will NOT get him out of child support. He will STILL pay child support unless an adoption happens.

Betcha he won't be so keen to refuse his parental rights when he finds that out.