[lil moma]

Hi me and my husband has 3 girls .two of them are his 13 and 6.I have a 16 year old .all 3 girls live with us. The 13 year old puts luring pictuers on myspace. We I confront her about it my husband gets upset.the 6 year old have tantrums when she can't get her way.anytime I say anything to them he gets upset .my 16 yearold wonder why they get away with stuff and she cant.I believe in discplin for girls. Ontop of that they morthers live around the corner from me .they pop up at my house when they get ready .all of this causes problems with my husband and I. I don't know what to do. Help me please.

[JudyKayTee]

Have you sat down with your husband, tried to discuss this without anyone getting angry? It's not easy being a stepmother - I know, I'm a stepmother!

It sounds like your husband, you and possibly the mothers of the girls need to sit down, discuss the problems and come up with a plan of discipline - everyone has to agree on the same rules or the girls are going to continue to "play" one side against the other.

Have you tried counseling? Are the girls in trouble at school?

[lil moma]

No there OK in school except the 13 year old is failing ela cause she rather be on phone.I have talked with my bishop but my husband says those are his baby girls.the moms don't feel they have to talk with me they say its none of my concern.so what should I do now. I want my marriage to work but I don't know anymore.

[JudyKayTee]

Wow - well, you could always speak to someone by yourself, without the rest of "them," to determine what is in your best interest.

As I said - it's rough being a stepmother.

[artlady]

Your husband is being a lazy parent.

A parent who does not discipline is taking the easy way out and in the long run doing the child a great disservice.

Allowing tantrums and my space pics that are provocative is not only foolish it is irresponsible parenting.

He needs to know the potential outcome for allowing this type of behavior.

Perhaps he is ignorant of the type of people who lurk on my space,if so ,he needs to get informed.

Allowing a six year old to manipulate with tantrums to get her way is saying in essence" I will reward you for your unacceptable behavior".

He needs a parenting class or he is going to regret not being a father figure when these kids get older and have learned nothing about discipline and self restraint.

Get him a book on effective parenting and tell him if he loves his children so much ,he will think of their future and not just take the easy road by giving in to them.

[Cat1864]

His lack of discipline and excuses sound a lot like a father trying to 'buy' his daughters' affection because he feels guilty and/or he is afraid they won't love him if he is stricter. What he doesn't understand is that they have no respect for him now. When children lose respect, they generally gain contempt which is not the love he wants.

How do they behave with their mothers? What would be the reaction (especially of the mothers) if you suggested the girls live with them for awhile and he visited them?

You do need to let them handle their own business and about all you can do is stand back with your daughter and ask yourself if this relationship is really worth it. You may have to give serious thought to moving out before the younger children's problems affect your child.