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Story of two roosters
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK Old fat, Time For you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, Surely you cannot handle ALL of these Chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you Just let me have the two old hens over in the Corner?' The young Rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed Up And I am taking Over.' The Old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I Will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive Domain over the entire chicken coop.' The Young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, Old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a Head start.' The Old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young Rooster takes off running after Him. They Round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has Closed the gap. He Is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining Fast! The Farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front Porch When he sees the roosters running By. The Old Rooster is Squawking And running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young Rooster to bits.. The farmer sadly shakes his head and Says, 'Dammit.. . Third gay rooster I bought this month.' |
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Joke about an Indian boy on his first day at school in the USA. It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrasekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. "Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for The People, shall not perish from the Earth?" Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar. The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more! About its history Than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians," "Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm going to puke." The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!" Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little . If you say Anything else, I'll kill you." Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit To Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh , we're f**ked!" And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq, 2005.. |
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Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got? Paddy: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven? Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now! |
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Originally Posted by mudweiser
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A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans. God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not? The guy replies: I am Pandi , Auto driver from Chennai! God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi : Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven... Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years. God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven... 'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?' 'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God. 'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED' It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts |
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Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner." A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!" The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner." Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You ****ing b*stard!!!" The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and Said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?" Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I asked to borrow a *****ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!" |
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: It feels great, but I still can't understand how can it help my broken thumb... :eek::mad: |
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Ooohh... while we're on Golf jokes The amazing golf ball A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once. "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "I found it." |
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