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ConfusedNana · Jan 10, 2010, 04:26 PM

We have a son that was divorced about 5 years ago, he gave us two precious granddaughters. He met a woman a few years ago and married her, she has two children by her first husband. Here is our problem. We have always been close to our granddaughters and have enjoyed them since they were born. We accepted the step-grandchildren into our family (visits, Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc). However, the new daughter-in-law forbids us to do anything for our granddaughters that we can't do for her children. We try to treat everyone equally but here's the rub... we can't physically take care of four kids at one time, we can't afford to take four kids to special places, they live over 250 miles from us so just dropping by to do something with the children is out of the question. The "step-grandchildren" have a biological father that spends a lot of time with his children (trips to the beach, Disney World, etc)... he has money and time to spend with his children. Our Granddaughter's biological mother and her parents do not have the means to do special things for the kids. When we ask to take the girls on a trip we have been told that ONLY if the step-grandkids can go, too. However, her children can go and do fun things with their father. It seems that we have restrictions now on seeing our grandchildren unless we include her kids (who have a father that is extremely active in their lives). Are we being unfair?

Jake2008 · Jan 10, 2010, 05:08 PM

Just my opinion here, but I can see her point in not having her kids excluded, while the others have special time with their grandparents. It's not a matter that the biological father spends loads of time on money on his children, that is his relationship, with them. It does not replace a relationship with you.

While you are a kind and generous grandparent, please scale down the trips and try to equalize things between all four kids, so nobody feels left out of the family.

When you asked if the girls could go on a trip, I think it was reasonable for her to say, not unless they all go. You can't pick without breaking hearts, and showing preference, as much as you can probably put on paper that, all things considered they have equal, including the bio dad.

If you can only manage 2 kids at a time, by all means take two, but let it be known that you have planned a trip for the other two at such and such a date.

Others may disagree, but as long as they are all in the same family, there should be no inequality shown between the girls, and the newer kids in the family.

jmjoseph · Jan 10, 2010, 05:39 PM

Is the new daughter- in- law's mother using the same rule?

Once again I agree with Jake. There should be no favoritism. If your son accepts them as his own, then so should you and your husband. I understand that the cost is more, and the responsibility is higher with four kids, but you really have no other option. Unless you take one biological, and one step grandchild at a time. Rotate the events, so no one gets left out.

ConfusedNana · Jan 10, 2010, 06:48 PM

How does one explain to our granddaughters that there is no favortism when their step brother and sister gets to go on a vacation (with their father) and they are left at home? JmJoseph, no... the daughter-in-law's mom and dad do not use the same rules... they are still working and can't afford to take our granddaughters anywhere or treat them to a special time... that's my issue... our granddaughters are left at home while their step siblings are having a great time... help please...

patrick7 · Oct 4, 2011, 11:26 AM

OK , I can understand you feeling this way but your son has taken these kids and treats them equally and so must you, I am sure they will understand a little less for all the kids as you now have an extra two, open your heart for these children, your daughter in law will rightfully resent you if you do not.