[luckotheirish]

Ok so the thought of a woman doing a 3 sum with me and another man is an extremely arousing idea for me. I have really always wanted to try it. Are there any women out there that are into this? I really want to try this with a passion.

[redhed35]

Could I ask what age you are first please?

[Wondergirl]

Is that a kind of Chinese food, like dim sum? The thought of smearing Chinese food on myself and two other people doesn't sound appealing at all.

(We like posters to spell words correctly on this site.)

[luckotheirish]

I am 28 years old

[luckotheirish]

Thank you for your response wonder girl.

[Fr_Chuck]

You can always hire a pofessional women I guess.

And in life there are those that have various sexual desires, but basically most do not

[asking]

You cannot generalize about what "women" like. Some would certainly be interested, most would not.

This is like asking, "Do men like broccoli?" Some do, some don't.

[jaime90]

I agree. Whether a woman would do this depends on the woman. Some women might say absolutely not, some might be totally up for it, some might want to do a 3 some with 2 women and you. I mean, everyone has different opinions.

[neverme]

Well as everyone else has said you can't give a definitive answer for your question. But I will offer my opinion and situation I found myself in.

I had thought about having a threesome, toyed with the idea and thought it would be interesting. There are a lot of factors that went into that decision i.e. are you committed? Looking for an established couple to be with? Are you bi? etc.

Then recently I was out for a friend's birthday with 4 or 5 of his group of friends and as the night continued I began to talk to a very sexually explicit couple and was propositioned to have a threesome with them later on in the night. Now the dynamic just wasn't right and to be blunt I wasn't attracted to the couple.

Having said this, it made me rethink the parameters I would require to engage in a threesome, or indeed whether I would ever do it.

My point in this anecdote is that a woman (or man) that believes they want to have a threesome may in fact not be OK with the realities of it.

Also as a word of warning: if you are in a committed relationship I would not recommend a threesome unless you and your partner are 300% sure that this is what you BOTH want.

Hope this helped. Best of Luck.

[Synnen]

Are you in a relationship now?

What does your partner think of this idea?

Have you REALLY thought about the parameters of what you'd be willing to do? Or have you just fantasized about what you'd want everyone ELSE willing to do?

I personally think that you find the FANTASY of a threesome arousing--but that you haven't really thought about the reality of one.

If you are single, then go to the singles section of your local newspaper (or just go online) and look for couples looking for a third.

If you are in a relationship, and haven't even talked to your partner about it, then I suggest you just keep it a fantasy and forget about actually trying it.

[Wondergirl]

I totally agree with Synnen's supposition when she says, "I personally think that you find the FANTASY of a threesome arousing--but that you haven't really thought about the reality of one."

If you are a responsible lovemaker (and we hope you are!), you need to know that all women give any relationship, even a one-night stand, some emotional weight in their thinking. They may deny that fact, but study after study has proven that women cannot get away from investing emotion into any relationship, however brief it is. Even if she swears up and down that she will be able to walk away from a sexual event emotionally unscathed, she doesn't know herself very well or is lying through her teeth.

Please don't compromise a woman's intregity and emotional sanity by suggesting a threesome.

[asking]

Wondergirl, can you site any of these studies? I fine this statement surprisingly extreme. Also, are you saying this is NOT true of men and that there is a big sex difference in this regard? I have not seen any of these studies or even references to this before. Thanks.

[Synnen]

I don't think it's an emotional/not emotional thing.

I think that it's just that most people don't understand the dynamics of more than two people in bed.

Heck, judging from the questions we get, there are PLENTY of people who don't understand the dynamics of TWO people in bed.

It comes down to the fact that if you can't talk about it with your partner or potential partner, then you're not ready to actually DO it. And just talking doesn't mean you ARE ready.

I found a great website one time (and of course, I can't remember it offhand--I'll have to search for it later, when I'm at home and not blocked from half the internet by Websense) that talks about the basic rules for considering adding someone to your bed, or considering BEING added to someone else's. They're great rules for threesomes--but would work JUST as well for couples.

[Alty]

you need to know that all women give any relationship, even a one-night stand, some emotional weight in their thinking. They may deny that fact, but study after study has proven that women cannot get away from investing emotion into any relationship, however brief it is. Even if she swears up and down that she will be able to walk away from a sexual event emotionally unscathed, she doesn't know herself very well or is lying through her teeth.

WG, I adore you, but I really have to disagree with this statement.

I know myself very well and I can assure you that I'm not lying. I've had many relationships that were just about sex, nothing else. Walking away was easy.

I'm sure that the majority of women feel the way that you stated, but not all.

[Wondergirl]

WG, I adore you, but I really have to disagree with this statement.

I had typed "many" first, then changed it to "all." Pretend I restored it to "many."

I'm in a different generation from you, back before birth control and "free love." In my generation, I suspect the number would be closer to "all." Times and attitudes have changed.

[Alty]

I had typed "many" first, then changed it to "all." Pretend I restored it to "many."

Deal. :)

[asking]

With apologies to the op for hijacking the thread: I would say that even now, many men assume that if a woman goes to bed with them, she's in love or a slut. I don't think that's true and I don't think we hold men to either of those standards.

[asking]

Sometimes it's just about sex and it doesn't make you a bad person.

Yes. Or partly sex and partly really liking the person, but not necessarily romantic love. I think there's room for grey areas in all this.

By the way, I would really like to see Synnen's rules website.

[Synnen]

Pretty sure that it was under the World Polyamory Association--but that's blocked at work.

Grrr.