[kiera90]

I am 19 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for a year now. We have a great relationship and I am so lucky to be with him because he is amazing. He is kind, caring, loving, selfless and would do anything for me. I care about him so much and would also sacrifice anything for him, I miss him whenever we're not together. It feels like he is perfect and I can't bare to imagine him with someone else. However, recently I have been crying a lot and I cannot pin point why. I keep questioning what it means to be 'in love' and whether I will or have experienced it with him. I am utterly confused. I want to love him and stay in the relationship but these doubts are making me so sad. I want to feel how I used to about him. Why do I know longer feel like that? I feel as though something is missing, but I do not know what. I think it's to do with me and not him. He gives me everything and I am grateful for that. Recently we spent a whole week together and normally I'm not used to that because we often have a long-distance relationship as I am at uni. I don't know whether it's just me being negative and paranoid but I just don't understand my feelings. Please help.

[sully123]

It's normal to feel these feelings at 19 yrs old. Maybe you need to give each other some space and see what else is out there. Maybe the spark isn't there anymore. You are young, and to be tied down to just that one person. He can be wonderful and treat you like a queen, but if there is something missing, its better to find out now, then later on.

[UnluckyDucky]

In my past relationships, I've noticed there's been two different types of love I've experienced.

The first type is the initial rush or being in love with someone, or the "honeymoon phase" as many people call it. It's like you have this incredible and intense urge to spend every minute of every day with this person. You're excited about learning everything you can about your love. You relish each little tiny thing you do, the sun seems to shine brighter, the sky seems a bit bluer, and everything just seems like it's all rainbows and lollipops. For most couples, these feelings will start to dull and fade over time.

This brings us to the second type. You've taken the time to truly get to know this person. They may have said they are a specific type of person but only time reveals if their actions match the type of person they claim to be. You begin to appreciate them for all of their qualities - and faults. A deeper bond develops between the two of you, that surpasses the feelings you feel during the "honeymoon phase".

Granted, I'm only describing what I've personally gone through and others might have differing opinions but there is a point to all of this.

Have you had any prior serious relationships (frame of reference for feeling love/being in love)? Do you feel confused perhaps because your feelings for him are beginning to change and you're not sure why or what to make of it?

[kiera90]

No I haven't had a serious relationship prior to this one and I felt very much 'in love' with him about 6 months ago. My feelings are beginning to change though nothing in our relationship is changed and I don't want my feelings to change. I don't know what to do :(

[sully123]

Wouldn't you rather find out now, that you don't feel the same for your boyfriend as you did in the past? It's OK, to feel that way. You can't make yourself love someone, if it isn't there. You might love him, but aren't in love with him. Now your at the university things changed, your feelings have changed. You probably want to go out and date there, but this is holding you back. I think you should be upfront and honest with him, that now you need your space. Explain to him, its nothing he has done.

[qerp32]

How long have you had these feelings for? Do you have any possible idea how/why you're getting these feelings at all? There could be something you're not telling us, you need to be completely honest with yourself here. Perhaps its due to you meeting new people at university in combination with the distance?

[kram0612]

I know EXACTLY what your going through yet I don't have any answers as I've been trying to figure it out myself. Just know you are not alone. I'm 20 years old and I feel the same way. It's like you want to love them so much yet something inside is telling you that you aren't. There is nothing harder than trying to fight for something that is out of your control. Especially when you want to love someone but you just can't seem to figure out just how. Everything you have said I am feeling the same way.

[jre14]

Be honest with him. Even if you don't know exactly what's on or what you're feeling, you MUST share these thoughts with him.

My relationship of 4 years - recently engaged - crumbled because my girl feared facing her feelings. She never said anything to me and lied to herself about her feeling. Maybe she was forcing herself to love me. But in the end, this led to greater pain and greater grief.

So tell him you are confused. Tell him everything you feel. Maybe he can help - maybe he can't. But don't leave him in the dark. Don't let him think everything is fine if it isn't.

Be true to yourself and honest with him.

[Romefalls19]

Be honest with him and tell him how you are feeling, communication is the key to any successful relationship. Maybe he is feeling the same way but is also afraid to bring it up to you