[madscientist85]

I am extremely outgoing, and extrovert. I try to talk to almost anybody, even people I don't know. I don't go out looking for friends, I make the public my friend(if I can get an answer). I have been dating myintovert girlfriend for 5 years. Her mother helped put us together. In September I will be 25. I broke up with her for a week recently because she did not want kids in her future and felt badly about it. My mother helped put us back together. We decided to go to couples therapy. She paid for a flight to Oregon and I came and visited in her Apartment. She has been away on a job for 3 years. It was her first and only job. I have loved her to death for the entirety of the relationship. I am very understanding of her eating habits and personality. But her personality when I am out with people, at least the memories of it, are starting to drive me insane. I like to be able to carry on a lively conversation with someone with my girlfriend by my side and maybe have her participate in the conversation. She doesn't like loud noise, and she tends to sit back in the background when there are a lot of people in the immediate vicinity. Since she has been in Oregon she has gotten much better around people, so I have to keep this in mind. She still can only stand being around people so much and has to renergize. I guess this annoys me, but I can't get angry with her. I just don't like to leave a good time because I'm energized. She loves me very much, but I'm having a hard time with her introvert quality. I also wish she could speak more in public. Anyone she doesn't know very well, she can't really talk to unless she gets to know the person quite frequently. During a family get together she can't eat with the family because she can't eat around other people and she usually can't eat any of the food there. That just looks bad, but I don't hate her for it, but it would be nice for her own health in that situation if she could just eat something. Personally, we have a great time togerther, she just doesn't like going out to family gatherings, but I want her there with me, by my side. I want my love to be there so that she is there in my memory when I think about it later, embedded as hopefully a good time memory. Family is important to me, and it would be nice if she could enjoy getting together with my family. I need help, I need to be happy if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

[emopunk7]

I really don't think I spotted any major problems besides you both probably not being too compatible. You know her flaws so you either adapt and accept or leave and move on. She is who she is and you can't change that.

[amicon]

Is she in any kind of therapy or treatment for her issues?

[Cat1864]

So, you want to change her into someone more like you. That is unrealistic because you can't change someone. That person has to want to change. He/she also has to feel safe in making any changes. You seem to think that she should jump into your life with both feet and not look before she leaps. That won't happen.

Does she get upset with you always wanting to be in the spotlight surrounded by people? Does this cause friction between you and lead to arguments? How would you react if she wanted you to be more like her? Is she happy with her life when you aren't trying to make it more like your own?

As for family gatherings, you say that she 'usually can't eat any of the food there'? Does she have allergies or anything else that limit her diet? Some people just are not comfortable eating around others (I am one of them.)

Have you tried not taking her to large family gathering but smaller ones where she can actually get to know the people there?