[SuperDry18]

HELP! PLEASE!

I'm 18 and a virgin (with boys not girls).
Since puberty I have never seemed to fancy boys.

I think I'm a lesbian as I find them attractive and I am always going out pulling them and I grow to really like them until I start thinking about how I have to have sex with them.

Whilst masturbating I think of having sex with men, a lot. But I hate even kissing men and I don't find them attractive. But at the same time, I don't like to think about lesbian sex or imagining it whilst masturbating, it does nothing for me!

Whilst having sex with a girl I have never managed to orgasm either. I don't like things 'inside' my either so it's all cliterus stimulation! Although I fantasise of having a penis in me.

This conffuses me so much and ruins my intimate relationship with people because of the sex! :(

Another thing about the lesbian sex, I 'went down on someone' for the first time the other day and I hated the taste and smell and I just wanted to throw up. Was it because it was dirty or something or will it always be like that?

Any help would be appreciated :( Thanks.

[sandalwood7]

Sexuality is a journey,and it can take many years to develop sexually and to eventually feel comfortable with your sexual self. You are still very young, and are still discovering who you are sexually and what you want sexually. It takes time, meeting different people and any number of sexual experiences (everyone is different) to work out what you like, and want, and what you don't like. I think this is what you are doing at the moment? There will be some good sexual experiences,and maybe some bad/negative sexual experiences (hopefully not ) but this is part of growing up. We all take our past sexual experiences with us into the future,and they help to shape who we are, sexually and otherwise... (good baggage hopefully, and minimal bad baggage!) It just takes time, thought, introspection and discovery to eventually feel comfortable with ourselves.

Soory if I sound a bit 'earth mother' or hippy , but I really mean what I say...

By the way, I found sex very confusing at first. It took me many years to discover and feel comfortable with my sexual self. I though sex was kind of gross at first (I dontknow if anyone else has found this when they were young). Penises are kind of scary at first! But it is just a matter of getting used to the experience of it (the same goes for vaginas etc). You should never do something that you don't like, but all I am saying is that I think it can take time to get used to sex and to learn to enjoy it... It isnot like in the movies when everyone seems to have great sex first time.

Another thing... Oral sex requires cleanliness. I don't know, but was the woman you went down on clean? I would say that it could potentially be a negative experience if not... What was it exactly that you found disgsuting about it? Can you explainto us more?

I think our own upbrnging also has a lot to do with how we feel about our sexual experiences. For example,I had a very conservative catholic upbringing, which has given me a lot of baggage to deal with. e.g. I felt guilty for a long time and sex made me feel dirty, because of someof the values that I have grown up around, which are dofferent to the values I nowhold . It has taken me a long time to feel comfortable with the fact that I am a sexual person that enjoys sex, and doesn't needto feel guilty about it. Try and think about the values that your family has taught you, especially about sex. I think this is an important thing for many of us to do, as it helps us cometo terms with our ownvalues andany distress which results fromdiscrepancies betweenour own values,and what we feelwe have tolive up to. This may or may not be an issue for you, but I thought it would be good to mention the possibility.

One last thing... I would not worry about defining yourself by any wrds like lesbian. Our sexual preferences can change with age, the situation,and the people we meet. They are not black and white. Sexuality is a grey scale. I used to be really attracted to girls, but now I am older, I am more attracted to men. I don't know why, it is just the way that it is. Try not to be hard on yourself or define yourself while you discover these things.

Take care if you are experimenting.Look after your health (emotional and physical) , always use protection (possibly with women and definitely with men if you do have sex), and never ever doanything that makesyou feel uncomfrotable or that you don't want to do.

Good luck :-)