[emopunk7]

I feel the same wayyyy!!

[A4Effort]

Whats really up with you A4?

What do you mean?

[talaniman]

Where did this anger, and sudden need to get some "stuff" back from her come from? Its been quite a few months now. I don't buy the sentimental value of a t-shirt, and a gift given during better times, as justifying contact after all of a sudden.

[Romefalls19]

I agree with Tal, since I've been gone for awhile I had to back read, but a T-shirt at the price of breaking NC, I don't see how it has any meaning. My stance has always been, if it wasn't important enough to get back at the very beginning of the break up, it isn't that important.

[A4Effort]

Where did this anger, and sudden need to get some "stuff" back from her come from? Its been quite a few months now. I don't buy the sentimental value of a t-shirt, and a gift given during better times, as justifying contact after all of a sudden.

I just reread what I wrote last night. I think my emailing her was a way to let her know that she is out of my life. She got off so easy because I initiated NC and didn't tell her anything. She got off easy. I wish I could have at least told her how I felt and to put it bluntly "bi**h her out." it makes me angry that she could just do that to me and not face any consequences such as regretful emotions, sadness, etc...

I think that is why I sent her the email because it is my way to let her know that I never want her in my life again. I am not one to get angry, yell, or have verbal fights but with this situation I would just want to voice my anger to her. I know it wouldn't help anyone but I still want to do it for some unknown reason.

[Romefalls19]

My way of telling my ex that she was out of my life was not speaking to her anymore. It usually conveys the image pretty well. Think about it this way, would you e-mail someone that you haven't talked to in months that you are no longer speaking to them? If you got an e-mail from an old friend that you had a falling out with, telling you that they are informing you that they are no longer talking to you. What would go through your head about them?

[amicon]

So has the anger been there all the time? Or if not how come it's resurfaced? And having broken NC.how does that make you feel?

[A4Effort]

Rome you are right. It does not make any sense.

So has the anger been there all the time? Or if not how come it's resurfaced? And having broken NC.how does that make you feel?

I think the anger has been there all along but it has been suppressed. I really don't feel any different having broken no contact. It does not make me sad. It really hasn't change me. I think if I broke no contact by telling her that I miss her then it would be a different story. But I just asked her for some items back. I am the type of person that has difficulty forgiving someone once they have hurt me. Also, I am a perfectionist. I think those two combinations make me feel this anger.

It is strange because I have no feelings towards her anymore. I do not miss her. I do not want her back. I am completely fine being single. But I guess I am being revengeful and I want her to feel how I felt. This does not sound like the right thing to do and I know for sure I will never show my anger towards her but this anger will not disappear for some reason. Why do you think that is?

[amicon]

She hurt you,played you and insulted you not once but twice-I'd be angry too! I'm not saying forgive her but try to channel the anger into something constructive cause if it remains suppressed it'll stay with you longer. Sometimes just allowing ourselves to feel and acknowledge the anger helps.
And as you say, there's no point expressing it to her-you should stick to NC again,of course.

[paxe]

Well I feel "anger" from time to time because I still believe my ex didn't understand the full extent of what she has done.

My best revenge is to live my life fully without them. Go back to NC and this time stick to it.

[talaniman]

Better late than never I supposed, now back to NC! What's done is done.

[A4Effort]

She hurt you,played you and insulted you not once but twice-I'd be angry too! I'm not saying forgive her but try to channel the anger into something constructive cause if it remains suppressed it'll stay with you longer. Sometimes just allowing ourselves to feel and acknowledge the anger helps.
And as you say, there's no point expressing it to her-you should stick to NC again,of course.

Exactly! I just need to figure out a way to control/get rid if this anger because I feel like it is the only thing left that is tying me to her still.

Any suggestions?

[amicon]

You already do loads of sports etc? Could you add another-kickboxing works for some people I know.

In addition,ask yourself if you're angry with yourself as well-for allowing yourself to want to be in a relationship that you on some level knew was wrong for you-and for her.. .

[A4Effort]

You already do loads of sports etc? Could you add another-kickboxing works for some people I know.

In addition,ask yourself if you're angry with yourself as well-for allowing yourself to want to be in a relationship that you on some level knew was wrong for you-and for her. . . .

Yes, taekwondo definitely helps with relieving the anger. But all that does for me is relieve the anger for that moment.

Just like you said, I need to look deeper at this issue. Part of me does blame myself for allowing her to come back and hurt me. Another part is that it bothers me how I was blind to all this. It is a lesson learned and I hope I do not make the same mistake again. I guess more time will reduce my anger but acknowledging the issue is important.

[amicon]

Yes that's true-look into that and sort out what belongs to whom and why.

[talaniman]

I think your mad at yourself, so forgive yourself.

[A4Effort]

I think your mad at yourself, so forgive yourself.

Partially. I guess there is still some more for me to process.

But, those who have followed my process, where do you think I am at right now? What stage?

I am asking this because I have continued talking to this new girl for the last few weeks. We have been having 6-7 hour conversations almost every other night. We have asked each other almost every question there is and both have talked about potentially taking a more serious step. We both agree that we still need to spend more time together to see if we are compatible and we both agreed to take things slow. I do not want to enter into a relationship without baggage so I need to know if I have moved on. I feel as if I have but I cannot really trust myself with this because it has bitten me in the butt in the past.

I do not know if I am the type of guy to date around a lot. I have tried it and I do not know if this is something I enjoy.

[talaniman]

The events with the ex, is enough proof that you still carry baggage and it looks like yet again you're starting something to fast.

Are we seeing a pattern yet? I sure am.

[paxe]

Tal is right, it does seem a pattern. What I am wondering is, why do you want to start a new relationship so fast? You have been in a very long relationship, you NEED your time alone for your own sake. You need to find yourself again, you need to be in control of your emotions, you need to be happy alone.

From what I see you don't seem 100% happy and you're still thinking about your ex. Take care of yourself first. I believe that people should stay intentionally single for a good part of their life, so that they can learn to be without anybody else. It will help you become more independent, be closer to your friends and make you more sociable.

[amicon]

You need more time on your own,as you still have issues to work through from your breakup. It's as simple as that.