[minxy]

Here's my dilemma. I am 29 had 6 different partners and am now in a long term relationship with a very loving,caring guy. The thing is I have never been able to reach an orgasm. I go through the stages wobbling legs and twitching etc. I can feel the build up but it gets so intense that I have to stop. Should it get that intense where it starts feeling uncomfortable and out of control. Please help I would love to know what it's like?

[Synnen]

Have you ever given YOURSELF an orgasm?

I would start with two things: See your gynecologist and have a frank discussion about it, and learn to masturbate yourself to orgasm, whether that's with your hands, a toy, the shower head, whatever--learn how to give yourself one first.

[minxy]

I see what your saying but I am not sure if that will help because it's the intensity of the contractions that are too much. I will definitely bear what you have said in mind. I am wondering if it's a relaxing thing I need to work on. Thanks for your help.

[Synnen]

Talk to your gynecologist.

Seriously.

At my last yearly appointment, they even had a little box you could check that said "questions about orgasms" so that you didn't have to try to find a way to bring it up.

Your gynecologist has heard it ALL. I promise you.

[shazamataz]

I get that feeling of it being too overpowering if I am about to have a vaginal orgasm.
If I have a clitoral orgasm it is completely different, all pleasure, not uncomfortable at all.

Like Synnen said, experiment with giving yourself an orgasm before trying to get your partner to give you one.

[minxy]

Thanks guys I will try. It's all so frustrating and quite embarrassing. I am in the process of ordering some toys. Will keep you posted..

[Gemini54]

Definitely the way to start is with yourself. Practice masturbating as often as you can in different ways until you get results. When I was younger, I had great success with a vibrator - but initially only for clitoral stimulation.

A book that I found useful at the time (I am sure there are better ones now) was Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman & Joseph LoPiccolo.

Orgasm with a partner usually requires you to understand what your own needs are and to express these to your partner. If you don't know how to bring yourself to orgasm, then it's going to be extremely difficult for your partner to do it!

I wouldn't despair. I didn't have my first orgasm until my early thirties, and it took a while to get there.

[minxy]

Thanks Gemini that's very helpful. It's reassurring to know there are others in the same situation. I am feeling quite hopeful now.