[miami72]

Am I being irrational? Should I stay or leave? Is this a good relationship & I am just an unhappy & selfish person?
I have been in a relationship for 7 years with a man I used to describe as "my rock."
The first 3 years living together were great. I kept waiting for a proposal & knew I would say yes, when asked. We would take turns choosing new things to do and would share efforts in both indoor & outdoor projects. We would do things w/ other couples. We enjoyed our sex life, showered together and would linger in bed & visit. He would tell me I was a great person. And I enjoyed doing things for him.
Now, I think I should leave. We are barely a couple. We have no intimacy in our relationship and have had sexual relations once in the past 4 years. I have tried everything I can think of to help things get better. I have asked him what I can do to help things be better - nothing. I shared with him ways he could help me feel more loved, so that I could be a better partner (per the 5 love languages) - nothing. At the same time, he says he wants us to be together. Well, I don't think I do... I want a husband & I want children and I want someone to hold me & kiss me & laugh with me & tell me I am as important as a laptop (maybe even more). He says that we have a normal relationship & that I am overly sensitive and usually follows this with a statement about it being time to take a xanax (something I never needed until about 4 years ago).
Seriously, I am 37, have always been the one to end a relationship & am starting to wonder... is it me? Should I leave?
He thinks 2 homes & a dog make live full...

[Devorameira]

Seven years is a long investment, but you've got a right to be happy. I don't know if he's just gotten too comfortable with you, if he's seeing someone else on the side, or what's up, but having sex once in 4 years is not normal for couples your age.

You have right to have a loving man who wants the same things you want (marriage, children). You need to attempt to have a serious conversation with him. If he's not willing to listen or work on changing, it's time to hit the road.

[talaniman]

Forget the Xanax for now, and get the communications back on track. Hate to be blunt, but if you can't make adjustments through honest communications, then how can you work together to identify and resolve your issues to get what you both want?

He obviously doesn't want what you do, so maybe he needs to know your not happy, and unless he talks to you you walk away.

Words are great, but actions that match the words are better.

That's got to be better than being doped up, and miserable.

[ohsohappy]

Maybe try couples counseling.
7 years IS a long investment, give this a shot. :)

[Cat1864]

How old is he? Does he have any medical issues that might make him have erectile/performance problems?

What happened four years ago to change the relationship?

I think he wants something different than what you do. It almost sounds like he is extremely comfortable in his life with a roommate instead of a mate. It also sounds like he doesn't take you or the 'relationship' seriously. Is he really still in it or, between the two of you, are you the only one who in reality thinks she is still in a relationship?