[the only hardy girl here]

Well I am dating a guy who is the father of 2 of my children and he has become abusive but he says it is not going to happen again he said he would get help but I don't know what to do since I am expecting from this guy again? What do I do?

[Fr_Chuck]

Perahaps learn more about birth control?

Has he started getting help, for sure don't see or date ihm again, till he is into counseling or anger management for a month or so at least.

[the only hardy girl here]

But I can't not let him see his kids I mean he has 2 and one one the way and yes I have heard of birth control

[judenyce]

I'm going to assume some things, and please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm assuming that you live with him. I'm also assuming that your family doesn't know. If you are in the situation I was in when a similar situation happened to me, then you don't have any family around. If my father knew what was happening with me, my boyfriend would be 6 feet under, and I'm sure that if your daddy knew, your boyfriend would be too.

If you do live with him, and you do have family or close friends around, can you possibly stay with them for awhile? This sort of thing is not going to be a quick fix. He has to want to change, and that is only if and when he decides that he really does have a problem. They may say that they know that they have anger management issues, but a lot of times, that's just nonsense coming out of their mouths to pacify you. Usually it is a learned behaviour, and you are only exposing your children to it. Your boys will be growing up thinking that that is how you're supposed to treat 'your' woman, and your girls will think that that a woman isn't worth her salt and is supposed to be abused. I KNOW that's not what you want your children to learn from your relationship.

And, I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but just because they are his kids, doesn't mean that he deserves to see them all of the time. If you move out and he starts causing a ruckus, call the cops! Don't bend to his will because he will bend you backwards and break you!

You have to be strong for your children if not for yourself. My children are the only reason I wake up in the morning, and I'm sure you are the same way. Women like us are strong enough to defeat stupid boys who think they're undefeatable!

[the only hardy girl here]

Thanks for that edvice but we live out of state and I don't know many people I will be leaving soon for a wedding going back to home grown roots maybe its best to stay there.

[the only hardy girl here]

Well I have a daughter who is to her dad isn't such a great person and he is trying to get full custody of her he now has temporary custody but every time she comes home she smells like she hasn't taken a shower and pot smoke I mean he also just leaves her with any one I no this for fact what do I do about this because her brothers and sisters miss her and want her back?

[redhed35]

Do you think being around your family might help.

Ask them for support.

Your safely and the safety of your children are what's most important right now,I would suggest supervised visits and proof that he is seeking help.

[jmjoseph]

How many children do you have total please?

And never, ever, allow a man to hit you.

I ask you, if your daughter were to be in a relationship with someone like HIM, what would you do if you found out that she was being beat up?

I doubt that he would ever be willing to "get help". He's too busy doing the things that are important to HIM. Like weed, punk friends, etc. to take an interest in you and your children's welfare.

Take care of yourself at all costs.

[the only hardy girl here]

Well 3 born and one on the way so 4

[ScottGem]

How does he have custody? Do you live together? How old are you and he? How old are your children?

We need a full picture here to help you.

By the way we don't use chat speak here. Its I don't know, NOT I don't know.

[cdad]

thanks for that edvice but we live out of state and idk many people i will be leaving soon for a wedding going back to home grown roots maybe its best to stay there.

No! Its not best to stay there. You need to start getting your life in order and to start making better choices for your children. The first order is to get away from the abusive boyfriend. The next is to go to court and settle custody issues. After that and during the hearings with current boyfriend if your planning a move then get the courts permission FIRST! Unless you really don't want to take care of your children and have the fathers raise them without you around. That's what you risk by just up and leaving the state or to a place far away. You need to settle everything before making a move somewhere else with both fathers.

[the only hardy girl here]

I'm 22 and my children are as follow 1, 2 and 1 month and yes we do live together or we did and he doesn't have custody I do now I do

[ScottGem]

im 22 and my children are as follow 1, 2 and 1 month and yes we do live together or we did and he doesnt have custody i do now i do

You may have PHYSICAL custody, meaning the children live with you. But if he is listed on their birth certificates, then he has Joint LEGAL Custody. That gives him rights.

[this8384]

I'm having trouble believing any of this for the following reasons:

well i am dating a guy who is the father of 2 of my children and he has become abusive but he says it is not going to happen again he said he would get help but idk what to do since i am expecting from this guy again? what do i do?

well i have a daughter who is 2 her dad isnt such a great person and he is trying to get full custody of her he now has temporary custody but every time she comes home she smells like she hasnt taken a shower and pot smoke i mean he also just leaves her with any one i no this for fact what do i do about this because her brothers and sisters miss her and want her back?

im 22 and my children are as follow 1, 2 and 1 month and yes we do live together or we did and he doesnt have custody i do now i do

First your abuser is the father of two(soon to be three) of your children. Then you say you temporarily lost custody of your two-year-old, who I assume is not the child of the abuser. Then you say that he doesn't have custody, you have custody. It is impossible to give you any accurate advice, much less helpful, when your story is all over the place.

And venturing away from the law aspect of all of this, I cannot imagine what you are thinking, having four children at the age of 22. Not to mention the fact that your youngest is only a month old, and you're already pregnant. Do you go to see your doctor and not listen to anything that they tell you whatsoever??

[Synnen]

but i can't not let him see his kids i mean he has 2 and one one the way and yes i have heard of birth control

Why can't you not let him see his kids?

If he's abusive to you, what makes you think he won't be abusive to them?

If there is a court order that says you have to let him see his kids, then you need to go back to court to get that changed.

Look--my sister has five kids with her abusive, needs anger management ex-husband. The stories I've heard are terrible. She finally left when he pulled a gun on one of the KIDS--apparently he'd threatened her with a gun before this.

The more kids you have, the harder it is to leave and to make it on your own.

Get out. Get out now. I don't CARE if you have no one in the area. Call your parents, have them come and get you.

And I REALLY hope that you had the smarts to go to the hospital/doctor after he abused you--because if you have NOTHING like that on record, he's more likely to be able to make it look like you're blowing hot air. Call the cops on him when he abuses you. You NEED that public record to keep your kids away from him.

[J_9]

Wait a minute... you have a one month old and are pregnant again? Did you have intercourse in the delivery bed?

From a medical standpoint, this just isn't adding up.

[smoothy]

You had the kids... get a job and pay for them. And get the sperm donor to pay his share as well whomever they might be (if you even remember). If you are working you have less time to have kids. And take a class on birth control. Its clear you need to.

Sorry but Single, 3 kids with one on the way too at 22? Sorry, but you need to get your priorities in order. We taxpayers are tired of paying for the kids of unwed mothers who refuse to use birth control, or make the kids fathers pay their share of support.

[JudyKayTee]

Am I the only one who can't figure out why this is titled "Pregnant and dating?" I think this relationship may be beyond dating.

And added to this thread it makes no sense. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...-431088-2.html

I guess OP is a troll, looking for a reaction.

[Cat1864]

Am I the only one who can't figure out why this is titled "Pregnant and dating?" I think this relationship may be beyond dating.

And added to this thread it makes no sense. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...-431088-2.html

I guess OP is a troll, looking for a reaction.

Did you notice that he lives next door but out of state at the same time?

[smoothy]

Did you notice that he lives next door but out of state at the same time?

Good point... That is a possible but very rare situation. And unlikely true in this case.