Check out some similar questions!

lonjis · Dec 30, 2009, 08:23 AM

My boyfriend cannot stay hard for too long and it's making me feel SO inadequate in the bedroom. Just a little history: we are both in our early thirties. I have four children from a 14year long relationship (with a man who cheated on me for 10 of them). He just ended a year long relationship with a stripper. When we touch and caress he gets hard but then I start oral or we begin having sex and he goes soft... my thoughts:
1-i have children so I'm too 'loose'
2-he's used to getting 'stripper sex' and my skills don't compare to hers
3-i'm just not good enough at sex which is also why me ex cheated

He tells me it's not me; that he's the one with the problem. But I feel that if it's me, pretty soon he will end up cheating just like me ex husband. Assistance please!

Synnen · Dec 30, 2009, 08:32 AM

1. Get counseling. Both alone and together. You need to get over your feelings of inadequacy (which, by the way, have NOTHING to do with him, and everything to do with you) and he needs to learn how to communicate with you in intimate settings.

2. It probably IS him. Masturbation has waaaaay more to do with the scenarios you describe than "stripper sex" or being "too loose".

3. Your body has an amazing ability to recover. Being "too loose" because of children is probably not accurate in any way, shape, or form. If YOU feel like you'd like to change your muscle tone in that area, start doing kegel exercises--but I'm betting that he's right, and it IS him, and not you.

3. Communication is the key to good sex. Counseling may be able to help you both with that, but seriously? The BEST thing you guys could do would be to lay off the sex and start TALKING in bed.

YOUR problem is your self-confidence. No one is attracted to someone who isn't attracted to his- or herself. You also have issues stemming from your long relationship that probably need to be dealt with as well.

HIS problem is that you're a rebound. Yup, I said that. If he JUST got out of a relationship, why are you dating him? Let him get himself together first, for crying out loud!

Start talking to each other, and stop it with the "not good enough" attitude you have about yourself.

lonjis · Dec 30, 2009, 08:41 AM

I worded that incorrectly, the last girlfriend he had was a stripper and that relationship ended about 4-5 months ago... that's not really considered rebound is it?

Thanks, though, your answer actually brought tears to my eyes

smoothy · Dec 30, 2009, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by lonjis

my boyfriend cannot stay hard for too long and it's makin me feel SO inadequate in the bedroom. just a lil history: we are both in our early thirties. i have four children from a 14year long relationship (with a man who cheated on me for 10 of them). he just ended a year long relationship with a stripper. when we touch and caress he gets hard but then i start oral or we begin having sex and he goes soft...my thoughts:
1-i have children so i'm too 'loose'
2-he's used to getting 'stripper sex' and my skills dont compare to hers
3-i'm just not good enough at sex which is also why me ex cheated

he tells me it's not me; that he's the one with the problem. but i feel that if it's me, pretty soon he will end up cheating just like me ex husband. assistance please!

#1 - 4 kids doesn't make you loose... poor muscle tone does that. I dated a woman with 4 kids and she was tighter than any virgins I knew that were 20 years younger than her. I'm serious.

#2 - Strippers know how to dance erotically... doesn't at all relate to skills in bed.

#3 - I can't comment there. I've never been in bed with you to make a comment. But I will say that some women are that bad, but not most. Odd's are its not your skills in bed at all (Unless your idea of sex is lay back, spread your legs and let him do everything), I think he might be having other issues that are causing ED that are unrelated to you. What's meds are he on and has he had a physical recently?

lonjis · Dec 31, 2009, 01:31 PM

smoothy: no he isn't on any medication and probably hasn't had a physical in about two years. No, I do a lot more than just lay back. LOL and lastly, you may think my theory about strippers in bed is idiodic, but I assume she sells a lot more than her dance moves (which makes her very experienced with different... um... things.

Thanks for your time; both of you made a lot of sense... it really helps to get an outsider's perspective on things.

smoothy · Dec 31, 2009, 01:58 PM

Originally Posted by lonjis

smoothy: no he isn't on any medication and probably hasn't had a physical in about two years. no, i do alot more than just lay back. LOL and lastly, you may think my theory about strippers in bed is idiodic, but i assume she sells alot more than her dance moves (which makes her very experienced with different...um...things.

thanks for your time; both of you made alot of sense...it really helps to get an outsider's perspective on things.

Lots of Experience doesn't automatically equal good in bed. Experience and what you do with it CAN make you good in bed (or not if you never learn). Even if she was hooking it doesn't make her good in bed. Only an easy lay.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 31, 2009, 09:33 PM

Sounds like he has a issue and for some reason you think it is your problem.

Medication,
Stress
Tired,
Other errection problem.

Strippers are just people like you or others that dance with no clothes, nothing more, nothing less.
Unless she was also a hooker, who had sex with 100's of men to get a lot of practice, she may not be as good as you in bed.

Does he masterbate a lot, yes or no, when he does, how does he stay hard.