[BbJohnn78]

Ok. Here's the thing. My 3yrs G/F(20) dumps me(31) saying she can't handel my actitude anymore. I don't really know what she means with that cause I've never lie to her, never talk dirty to her, never hit her or got any how physical with her or violent. That's what she said but days later she tells me that she doesn't feel like her self. She told me that she wants to know who she is. Ok. That's OK with me. The thing is that she tells me she don't think she'll be back with me but at the same time she says she knows she'll regreted. At first I acted like any other man. I cried to her, got clingy, told her ill change and all that crab we men do when we get dump(this is my first time) but that lasted 2 1/2 weeks. I stop calling her and texting and all kind contact but kept texting and e mailing me. So I said to her I'm not your friend I just you to get your mind set for what you really want and asked her if she loved me and she said yes and her feelings were the same to me as before. But she didn't feel like being in a relationship right now. She then asked me for time to re evaluate her self and I said OK but she needed to stop text me or emailing or calling. She agreed and we have'nt had no contact since( a week to this point) I just want to know From what you have read or past experience, how well this giving space stuff works? Does it work at all? What are the odds?

[sully123]

BbJohnn she is young yet, and you are 31 and are probably ready to settle down. She hasn't sewed her oats yet. This is the age when she would be out dating different guys. There is nothing you can do, except for let her have her space, and I wouldn't contact her. She broke up with you. Giving her space, doesn't always mean they are coming back. Seems like she wants to see what's out there. If that's it maybe, well y ou both just need time to sort out some things. I'm not quite sure it that is just it. I just think she wants to do her own thing and not be tied down. I honestly don't think its anything to do with you, except for the age difference, and that's a lot 11 yrs for a young woman.

[talaniman]

At first I acted like any other man. I cried to her, got clingy, told her ill change and all that crab we men do when we get dump(this is my first time) but that lasted 2 1/2 weeks

First off, that's not what men do when they get dumped. They disappear from the girls life, and move on doing their own thing. Now you know, and that's what you do, disappear, and leave her alone.

I feel for you, but the young thing just wants to do her thing, and have fun, let her.

[artlady]

When someone asks for space ,you give it.

Maybe she wants to keep her options open in case she sees someone she wants more and you are plan B.Hence the telling you she loves you line.

So she is keeping you on a string until she sees what else is out there.

Bottom line ,if you love someone ,you want to be with them,its basic biology.

I would chalk this up to experience as "the one that got away" and let her be.

No Contact and find someone who is truly interested in being with you,if that is what you need to feel fulfilled.

[BbJohnn78]

Yeah yeah... I knew about the young stuff and all.. And I do want to settle down. ANd I think what really happened now...
Her best friend just married this moth of December... and I'm sure that got her in to thinking. Im working on my stuff going out every night and seeing long time friends. I just wanted to read different opinions. And yes she is the one that got away. If you want to keep writing, that's fine with me. As I said this is my first time and your opinions help me in my healing process. Thanks to you all.

[BbJohnn78]

The question still up... Does giving time has ever work for anyone?? Im moving on I just want to know.

[artlady]

Yeah yeah... I knew about the young stuff and all.. And i do want to settle down. ANd i think what really happend now...
Her best friend just married this moth of december... and im sure that got her in to thinking. Im working on my stuff going out every night and seeing long time friends. I just wanted to read different opinions. And yes she is the one that got away. If you wanna keep writing, thats fine with me. As i said this is my first time and your opinions help me in my healing process. Thanks to you all.

Good to hear that your getting back on the horse.
We all get thrown off once in a while but a determined rider loses his fear ,pulls up his pants and jumps back on!
Got to go for life ,it won't come knocking at your door while you sit and mope :D

[talaniman]

The question still up... Does giving time has ever work for anyone???? I'm moving on i just wanna know.

Tell you a secret, the first time sucks, but you know what, every time will suck. Its just that you will know what to expect, and what to do, after this one, but it will still suck to get dumped! But the beauty of moving on, is better options, and opportunities, that you will see for yourself. To this day I am grateful to the change of heart that my exes had, and dumped me (disappeared on a few in my time, that's another story!). But that's how I ended up with my soul mate,partner, best friend, and wife, of more than 30 years. So it hurts now but you never know what life has for you, so start now, and be ready. So giving yourself time, to heal, is what works.

[BbJohnn78]

Thanks everyone. I really needed this. Most of my friends are single and don't have much experience with these subjects. Im the one that tried to find something more than a friend ship and as you can read didn't make the right choise. And its harder to deal with this when recently I lost my job, my pet dog and so many other things has gone wrong in my life. Im a fighter but some times life throws so many punches at the same time that we don't know what to do.

[artlady]

Thanks everyone. I really needed this. Most of my friends are single and dont have much experience with these subjects. Im the one that tried to find some thing more than a friend ship and as you can read didnt make the right choise. And its harder to deal with this when recently i lost my job, my pet dog and so many other things has gone wrong in my life. Im a fighter but some times life throws so many punches at the same time that we dont know what to do.

Troubles come in threes,its an old saying but there is some science to back it up.For real.Look it up,no joke.

So that means your on the up swing where things are going to get better.
Seriously,you have to have faith in yourself and I swear thinking positive brings positive to you.
It works.Its the secret .Look up the secret on line.
Positive goes to positive ,its friggin science ,seriously.:D

[BbJohnn78]

Hehehehe.. yeah I totally agree with you. If I stay negative and don't try to move on I'll never get anywhere in life much less with no one else. Its hard not to think of her. Since this is my first time, how long usually takes to like not to think that much of her? I know I'm doing a good thing avoiding any contact with her.
What if she calls? Should I answer? Really I just need to have some guidance with this sort of things.

[artlady]

hehehehe.. yeah i totally agree with you. If i stay negative and dont try to move on i'll never get anywhere in life much less with no one else. Its hard not to think of her. Since this is my first time, how long usually takes to like not to think that much of her? I know im doing a good thing avoiding any contact with her.
what if she calls? Should i answer? Really i just need to have some guidance with this sort of things.

No ,you do not answer unless you want to backtrack a kizillion steps.
If you are healing and moving on contact will make you want that again.
Its not going to change anything to talk again.
What don't you get ,tell me?

[BbJohnn78]

Ok the thing is that I just (at this time) I want her back. I know everything she has done not thinking of me or my feelings and leaving me was wrong and hurts me. But lets say she do wants to be back with me (im setting my mind that she wont). How will I know that? Or the thing here is that I should not forgive her? And to be honest with you at this moment I'm not planning to answer, I'm just preparing just in case she does and be more conscious why I should not answer, and actually I know there's going to be a day next week I'm pretty sure she will.

[BbJohnn78]

Hello here's the thing.
We broke up. She is very confused about it. I just can't handdle the giving space thing (we haven't spoke to each other for 15 days) and I just want her to tell me what the heck she wants.
I gave her a letter and a coupple of text messages( 2 days ago) asking her to let me know that if she doesn't love me anymore and don't want to be back with me, its OK I won't force her to be with me. But if she does love me I just want her to let me know and well just find the way to make things right in time.
The thing is that she won't answer nothing. She won't tell me if she want back or not. But she did text me yesterday to let me know about other things that's got nothing to do with our relationship.

Why won't she answer? I don't think she is afraid of letting me to know the truth.
Does she wants more time to realize what she really wants?
I told her that if this is very over I won't be her friend cause I love her with all my life and I just won't be there as a friend to see her heal and go out with other guys. (we were together for 3 years).
Is she specting me to make any decision for her?


I need to say that when this started allmost 2 month ago she did tell me she didn't want back, but the passing weeks she told me she was confused and she was mad at the time and that she knows that she will regrete letting me go, passing weeks later we allmost tried to be back, but she stop it the next day. What tells me she is very confused and that she do love me(she said she love me and her feelings for me are strong).
She says that there's no one else, in her house her parents tell me she is not acting weird and that she is not hanging out. They don't see her on the phone.
So I don't know. If anyone have passed through this help me.
What should I think of this? Or what to do?

[amicon]

You've told her how you feel and she's not responding don't stay stuck in limbo- go no contact and leave her to it. Time to get your own life back and start getting busy doing the things you enjoy.

[mudweiser]

You've told her how you feel and she's not responding dont stay stuck in limbo- go no contact and leave her to it. Time to get your own life back and start getting busy doing the things you enjoy.

What he said.

[88sunflower]

Well I think the ball is in her court now. You told her how you feel and now its up to her.

There could be many reasons for her actions. Maybe she doesn't want to try again and she doesn't know how to tell you. She knows your feelings and maye she just doesn't want to break your heart.

Its possible she is just avoiding the situation hoping it will go away.

Could she be avoiding it hoping you will forget trying and move on?

Maybe she is confused and is taking time to herself to truly see how she feels. In her heart she may want to try but in her head she knows its not right any more.

Its best just to leave her be. You put it out there how you feel. Now leave her alone. If she wants to try again she will find you. Don't chase her and call her over and over. Convincing her to be with you isn't the way to go. You want her with you because she loves you and wants the relationship to work. Not because you talked her in to it.

[Cat1864]

More of the story: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ce-430090.html

[BbJohnn78]

Thanks... That letter is the last contact with her. Im moving on hanging out with friends and getting to know new people. It sucks I know but that's the way we learn. Thanks for your support

[amicon]

Good luck and take good care of yourself!