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tesyo74 · Dec 27, 2009, 08:50 AM

How would you handle if your friend told you that your husband attempted her to rape?

tickle · Dec 27, 2009, 08:53 AM

Maybe her idea of rape is different then his. I would ask for proof, or get the two of them together and find out what is the truth. I wouldn't do anything until I investigated a serious allegation like that one.

I wonder why she didn't report it and just told you ?

Tick

tesyo74 · Dec 27, 2009, 09:09 AM

Yes she just told me about the issue. Giving you her background. She actually had problem before with her marriage. They had a big fight and they´re planning to get a divorced. She even told me what happened the reason of their big fights. She said she was the one who made a big mistake that´s why their marriage went badly.
So she decided to leave her husband and because she was nowhere to go. I offered her my hand to live in our house. Of course I asked my husband about it if he would allow my friend to live in our house for few weeks. My husband didn´t like the idea but I forced him to agree. In short my friend stayed and lived in our house for one month and 7 days without any money support from her husband. And I and my husband helped her find a job. But after one month she told me that my husband attempted her to rape. I was so hurt! I don´t know where to stand and where to believe. But after 6 months I decided to forget all about it. It´s really hard to investigate this kind of situation, who's telling the truth or not. I´m trying to save our marriage now.

tickle · Dec 27, 2009, 12:26 PM

Hi tesyo, there may be an issue of jealousy on her part and she had to make trouble for you and your husband. I don't know. Just a thought. I think it is great that the you are magnanimous enough to put that terrible issue aside and open the lines of communications.

Tick

Alty · Dec 27, 2009, 12:34 PM

I would ask very specific questions of your friend.

1. He attempted rape. How did you make him stop?
2. When did this happen?
3. Where did it happen?
4. Where was I?
5. Why didn't you call the police?
6. Why didn't you tell me right away?

I'm sure you can think of others.

I don't take allegations of rape lightly, but the sad fact is that a lot of women lie about it. It makes it hard for those of use that actually have been raped and don't have proof.

I would also ask her what her definition of rape is. Usually, once a man attempts to rape you, he doesn't stop at an attempt.

Cat1864 · Dec 27, 2009, 04:10 PM

If counseling is available, I think you and your husband should go and get this issue and the ones concerning your ex-boyfriend (another thread) out in the open and dealt with.

Sweeping things under the rug is not handling them. It is just putting off the inevitable. It is much better to clean up the mess and get rid of the dirt/trash before it trips you both.

Good luck.

Gemini54 · Dec 27, 2009, 06:49 PM

You need to ask her about the details - when it happened, what happened and why she didn't tell you immediately. Was she scared that you wouldn't believe her?

Depending on what she says, you then need to speak to you husband and ask him to tell you the truth.

If you sweep this under the carpet it will always be there like a shadow in the background. Clearly there are problems in your marriage, and ignoring this sort of allegation will just make it more difficult to resolve any problems.

jmjoseph · Dec 28, 2009, 06:12 PM

"But after 6 months I decided to forget all about it."

WHAT??

How can you "forget" about your husband either actually trying to rape a woman in your house, or being falsely accused of it?

Why would this friend lie to you?

You obviously don't trust your husband, so why carry on , and let it go?

Whether he did, or didn't, I would be mad as hell at one of them.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 28, 2009, 08:31 PM

Is this women still living in the house

Ledinai · Dec 29, 2009, 07:32 PM

Did you ask your husband about it. She could be lying. You have to get the other side of the story. Watch how your husband acts around her. It could be that she tried to seduce your husband but he refused so she has put it that way. YOur husband does not want to tell you because she is your friend. After 6 months and you still have not told your husband and she is still under the same roof. YOu are one strong women. How did she tell you, was she tearful or sorry she was telling you. If I was your friend, I would pack that same day, tell you and walk out. Better out in the cold than to suffer in his hands or hurt my friend more.

tesyo74 · Jan 2, 2010, 03:50 AM

My friend left our house after one month and 7 days of staying.

tickle · Jan 2, 2010, 04:20 AM

I guess that is the end of that chapter but did you ever get to the bottom of her allegation with your husband. Or are you not going to pursue the problem?

Tick

dontknownuthin · Jan 4, 2010, 07:34 PM

What is your gut reaction and what do you know of these two people? Is your friend generally a trustworthy and honest person? Is your husband a person who would cheat on you, try to have sex with a friend of yours or act in a violent way? Has he ever forced or tried to force you to have sex with him (yes, it's still rape even if you're married).

Did she leave your home immediately after this supposedly happened or did she continue to stay? And is there a possibility she's trying to throw a wrench into your marriage for any reason - wants your husband, is jealous that you have a good marriage or whatever?

I think you have to consider these things and go with your gut on it.