[lovemy3kiddos]

Hello to everone, and thanks in advance for any advice. I will be brutally honest, and I expect the same in return.
I have been married for 7 years, and I have young children under the age of 6. My parents were divorced since I was a baby, and my Dad was not as much a part of my life as a kid would want. My Mother struggled as a single parent, and always told me to be able to take care of myself. I did not ever get to experience love between parents.
I met my husband in school. I thought I was in love with him because he was interesting and challenging. He immigrated to this country many years ago, and I found his culture fascinating. In time, the differences in our culture have caused many problems. He does not want to celebrate holidays. I feel like an outsider in his family, as he never translates conversations for me. We share no common interests. He has a view that a wife should obey the husband, and decisions on how to spend money, where to vacation, etc. are made primarily by him. We both have the same professional degree, and made the decision before we were married that I would stay home to raise our kids. I work part time, but he constantly throws it up in my face that he earns more than me and therefore should have the upper hand in decision making. I can clearly state that there is no love in this marriage, as we have plainly stated to each other. I have a fear for what divorce will do to the children. I lived it. It took a heavy toll on my mother as well. I also worry that my husband will try to move back home near his parents, 8 hours away and will try to get custody. I also have a fear that he could try to take the kids back to his native country. We have spoken of divorce before, and he has been threatening- in the way of saying he will make my life hell. He needs to be in control of everything and this will send him over the edge.
I want this to be an amicable split, I want him in the kid's lives. I think he could be happier if we were apart. I will not try to take advantage in any court proceedings. I just wish we could get back to even being friends again. Please help me find the courage to do the right thing.

[Jake2008]

You aren't just dealing with him. You'll be dealing with his family, his culture, his country of origin, and his sense of entitlement to do as he pleases, with little regard to you, the second class citizen.

That alone could be, at least initially, an epic battle. You need to be prepared. If it is inevitable that a divorce will occur, you will need to gather as much legal advice as you can. What he can/cannot do, particularly with the children.

While courts cannot discriminate between the father and mother per se, if you think there is a 'flight risk' of him taking the children out of the country, that has to be legally addressed. Probably the sooner the better, as without at least a separation agreement and custody in place, what is stopping him now.

You can divorce him, or stay stuck in a loveless marriage. What will make you happier, will be a cause, of how happy and successful your children will be.

Your parent's day is long gone, and we have come leaps and bounds in support and assistance from too many resources to count, for single mothers.

You have a degree, you are working part time, and clearly you can make it financially on your own.

Your best bet now, might be just information gathering. If it were me, I would start with a lawyer, and keep it to yourself, until you are ready to take action.

[macroideal]

Hi, there...
It seems that your husband is from asia... crossnational marriages have the same problems in marital lives becoz of cultural differences..
You situation is not that bad. You have been living with him for 7 yrs. How do find the problem now , but now 1 yr or 2 yr ago. So I think there must be some other reasons triggered some problems...
I think close communications solve problems. Divorce will kind of cast a shadow in your kid's coming life. Persuade him give your both space in your life and jobs.

[lovemy3kiddos]

The problems have been for all 7 years, I have just tried to give it every chance I could for things to get better.

[Gemini54]

You need to get yourself the BEST legal advice possible and to let your lawyer know ALL your concerns.

I agree, it will be an epic battle, so you need to be prepared for a battle and plan well ahead. Don't deceive yourself - you know your husband very well - the split WON'T be amicable and he will make life very difficult for you.

You will both have to focus on the children. What is best for them? Children are more resilient than you think, but if their parents are arguing and battling all the time then the effects of the divorce are much more stressful.

You may need to employ a professional advocate or mediator to help you both work through an agreement that suits you both.

Staying in a loveless marriage will destroy you all - including the children. If you decide to divorce, plan carefully for this and always expect the worst - that way you will be prepared.

[Catsmine]

As the product of a very nasty divorce, let me assure you it was worse when they were together and fighting. I still remember the pain listening to them yell at each other half a century later. Get your ducks in a row, do not let yourself be swayed by past feelings, and get out while the kids are young enough to recover some.