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talaniman · Dec 22, 2009, 10:18 AM

Of course its hard, and it hurts, that's the way its supposed to be because it shows you cared. Don't forget that. You are reacting like a caring human who hurts. That's not a bad thing, just painful.

When you feel nothing is when you should be really worried.

tragedy · Dec 23, 2009, 07:58 PM

I wonder... should I send her a text message wishing her Merry Christmas? Or should I just ignore?

talaniman · Dec 23, 2009, 08:03 PM

Ignore!

vanheart · Dec 23, 2009, 10:47 PM

Yes, she doesn't deserve it

tragedy · Dec 23, 2009, 10:55 PM

I thought it would be nice to wish her a merry christmas but then I guess that would likely set me back to square one again. I won't send any even though I care for her a lot. Thanks, Tal.

sully123 · Dec 24, 2009, 06:34 AM

It's OK to feel those emotions. But its not OK, to be in love with someone who has physically and mentally abused you. It is a blessing she is out of your life.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2009, 06:47 AM

She physically and verbally abused me such as slapping, choking, and said really nasty things in front of her house mate

And you want to kiss her butt with a holiday greeting to show you care? NO WAY!

tragedy · Dec 25, 2009, 09:08 AM

Guys, I've made it! I didn't send her any greetings... It was a tough decision. I still think of her somehow.

She's been asking around including my friends where to get the facial stuff I used to get for her. I must say that it's kind of hard to find it in the normal local stores. I had to ask one of my friends from another state to buy it at that time. Should I help her this time or let the new guy to figure it out?

I still care for her and I do not expect anything in return. Of course, I won't give it to her personally. I will get someone to pass it to her. What do you guys think?

talaniman · Dec 25, 2009, 09:18 AM

Let the new guy figure it out, of course. Mind your own business, and share the holiday with those who want to share it with you, like your family.

tragedy · Dec 27, 2009, 10:06 AM

Guess that's the only thing I can do -let the new guy to figure it out. I know deep inside we can never be together again, but I do hope that the new guy will treat her good and she will find happiness in him. I admit that I'm not a perfect guy and I still think of her every now and then. I strongly believe that it will hurt me if I get to know her new guy is mistreating her. I know it sounds a little crazy and absurd but I still care for her a lot..

Sometimes I just can't understand myself. At times, I wish that I could make her see and on the other hand I just want her to be happy with whomever she's with. It's so contradicting.

amicon · Dec 27, 2009, 10:13 AM

It's a contradiction because you're human and that's the way we can still feel about someone.
But its time you took care of you now.
Move on with your healing and leave this in the past.

friend4u178 · Dec 27, 2009, 02:25 PM

Your breakup is still relatively fresh , so it's not abnormal to still want to contact her , and the reason is normally to get some sort of reaction from her and that's the False hope that she may change her mind.

Tragedy
You just need to be patient and accept the healing process takes time , you'll have weak moments where you may want to contact her , like this time with the Xmas text , it's just an excuse to break the NC and sometimes we play games with ourselves to try to justify it.

Be Patient , it takes time , and believe me and everyone else here when we say it will get better. And a few months down the track you'll realise it and thank us for helping you to keep your dignity.

vanheart · Dec 27, 2009, 10:39 PM

You are still trying to give to her.

Out of routine.

Take that effort and time and use it other ways.

Give to those who actually care.

Don't worry about her or if her new boyfriend is treating her well.

Concentrate on yourself & getting back to reality.

Realize what is happening.

tragedy · Dec 28, 2009, 01:37 AM

I guess you guys are right. I have not completely over my ex and I really have to start getting up from this failed relationship. It's eating me up. At times I could hardly breathe. But I have much control now as compared to the previous months and still keeping NC. It hits me really hard, I wasn't prepared and was too blinded till I couldn't see the red flags. I let her get the best of me.

It has been months since we broke up. She's having fun, completely removed me out of her life and I'm certain that she doesn't think of me... not even a second. Meanwhile, I'm here struggling and still thinking of her every now and then even after what she had done to me. Worse, I wanted to help her to get the facial stuff. How silly is that? Guess I was still holding on to false hope... Hoping that she would talk to me again (not romantically, but as friends). How silly can this guy be?

I really want to heal but the road seems kind of bumpy and it has been a nightmare for me. I've found one of her tops is in my wardrobe yesterday. Should I throw it away?

amicon · Dec 28, 2009, 02:11 AM

Its just a top so I don't see why not-another reminder gone. Be patient with yourself but look forward and know that the road will smoothen out.
We're all saying the same thing here because we've been where you are now and we've reached the end of the tunnel.

tragedy · Dec 28, 2009, 02:23 AM

Thanks, amicon. Should I throw away her top? Or mail it back to her?

amicon · Dec 28, 2009, 02:38 AM

Just bin it. No point in wasting postage on her I think.

tragedy · Dec 30, 2009, 08:58 PM

It's the time of the year again. Still I find it so weird knowing she will be in another man's arm counting down to 2010. It still hurts but not as much as before. I must say that I have more control over my emotions now. Sadly, I bumped into her again when we were heading to our table. I spilled my drink. It's crazy, I know but I didn't look at her. I was hoping that I won't see her again because it stings. I know it takes time to heal and I hope everything will be over soon.

It's kind of true what you guys posted here. There's a point that I no longer have the desire to be her friend anymore. Maybe because I do not know how to face her again. I don't know. But I still care for her... that's for sure. Of course, at times I feel something is burning deep inside my heart, angry for what she has done to me. It's silly, I know.

Now, I have to concentrate picking up the pieces, trying to put them back together and make myself whole again. I keep reminding myself not to look back, I used to be a worry free man and I should gain back my old self. Yes, she may have moved on pretty quick this time. I should have known or see the signs much earlier. Let me jog my memory... Maybe I was her rebound when she broke up with her #10 boyfriend. She fell out of love with him relatively quick and she beginning to like me in a month's time or maybe less.

It's funny how things work. If she can do it to her previous exes, she can do it to me too and maybe her present or future partner. All I need to do now is to focus on myself. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But I guess it's going to take me some time to get back in the game. I hope it won't be long. Anyway, she has her new man to take care of her now and it's not my business anymore.

Thanks guys for all your advice. I'll keep you posted on my progress. Of course, there will be ups and downs. But please bear with me. In the meantime, I would like to wish all of you HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

amicon · Dec 31, 2009, 02:09 AM

You'll be fine! And you will find the happiness you deserve.
Happy New Year!

paxe · Dec 31, 2009, 09:22 AM

It is a new year, so make the best of it!