[tina_tbay]

So I met this guy one night at the bar we exchanged numbers and I told him I was going to text him that night. I didn't I forgot anyway he txted me early the next morning and that whole week. He went to work out of town. So we tried making plans and he was all excited about me but his flight got delayed so he ended up coming in town Saturday. So anyway I was supposed to go to the same bar as him Saturday but I left with a girlfriend and met up with him later. We ended up having sex although I told him I didn't want to and I wanted to get to know him better. So the next morning he hung out for a while and then left. He then had to leave town again that night. We texted on and off while he was away he was a little less excited. So he came back in town unexpectedly last night and he came over kind of late. We sat around for an hour then went to bed. We are seeing other people and we both know this. I kind of want to take it to the next level but don't know how to go about it. He is younger but I like him like 4 years younger but he is used to seeing other girls. How do I do this? I am planning on texting him tonight to hang out. I mean I enjoy having sex but like to hang out more.

[tina_tbay]

Clarify something he is 4 yrs younger then me and he is used to going out with 20 yr old girls and I am 27. I really need some help! Just got out of a relationship and want to know how to go about getting a bit more involved with this guy THANKS

[I wish]

You're at a stage of friends with benefits. So first off, stop having sex with him. Stop the physical aspects. Focus more on talking and getting to know each other's personality better.

Be honest about your feelings with him and go from there.

[Cat1864]

What happened to the men from November?

Hi I am cheating on my boyfriend with this guy I have known for a while. Everytime I see him we end up hooking up since I was 20 I am now 27. I really like him. Anyways we hung out all last weekend and when he left sunday morning he said you better call your boyfriend and tell him where you've been all weekend. He seemed mad. I know this guy is looking for love and someone to settle down with could it be me? Wondering why he seemed mad i have a boyfriend. He kind of acts like he doesnt care. I mean he picked me up to hang out all weekend just wondering what my next move should be?

Now, you and this latest person are both in relationships and playing games with each other.

So I met this guy one night at the bar we exchanged numbers and I told him I was going to text him that night. I didn't i forgot anyways he txted me early the next morning and that whole week. He went to work out of town. So we tried making plans and he was all excited about me but his flight got delayed so he ended up coming in town Saturday. So anyways I was suppossed to go to the same bar as him Saturday but i left with a girlfriend and met up with him later. We ended up having sex although I told him I didnt want to and I wanted to get to know him better. So the next morning he hung out for a while and then left. He then had to leave town again that night. We texted on and off while he was away he was a little less excited. So he came back in town unexpectedly last night and he came over kinda late. We sat around for an hour then went to bed. We are seeing other people and we both know this. I kinda want to take it to the next level but don't know how to go about it. He is younger but I like him liek 4 years younger but he is used to seeing other girls. How do I do this? I am planning on texting him tonight to hang out. i mean i enjoy having sex but like to hang out more.

I am going to suggest that you get out of ALL relationships with men until you learn how to behave in one. Cheating is not an acceptable way to behave when you are supposed to be in a committed relationship.

When are you going to take your own advice?

Well not to get your hopes up or anything but both realtionships I have had turned into longterm relationships I had sex with them within a week of meeting them. But guys that will date you and have sex with u without waiting probably arent the best guys to go out with in the first place, I learnt that the hard way. Relationships are all about respect and if you want him to respect you you need to give him some boundaries. Next time he texts you ask him to do something else instead like going to the movies or if its late at night tell him to call you tomorrow afternoon and then you guys can hang out etc. I think you get my drift.

[jaime90]

There is no "taking it to the next level," for this guy. You had sex with him, and he didn't care about your opinion. For most women, there is no such thing as sex without becoming emotionally involved. You may want to "take it to the next level," but since he didn't care about your opinion, or your sexual boundaries, what he really wants, is the sex. This guy is bad news. If you are seeing someone else, and if he is too, you have no business being involved with anyone else.

[talaniman]

If you want to be more than a booty call, stop giving up the booty. Then maybe you will find other reasons to be attractive to the guys beside the ease you give it up.

Lets be real, what self respecting guy wants to go to the next level with a easy piece of tail that lies and cheats?

Isn't this the same thing your expecting of the guy you were boffing when you lived with some other guy?

You will learn the hard way that sex doesn't equal a healthy relationship. I'm just surprised at 27, you haven't figured that out for yourself.

Come on, you can't have life and BS that screwed up can you?

[tina_tbay]

Lol you just love it huh you me too I know this is drama filled but anyway I moved out on my own and am not with my ex anymore for like a month or so and that other guy I liked works out of town so he isn't around we haven't hung out since talked a bit but anyway you I am just so happy single and not really seeing anyone here and there a little bit but every guy I meet works out of town. So that's why we didn't start dating right away or anything were not going to be in the same city at the same time I am leaving for xmas and he is coming here and then he is leaving for a while when I come back for work. So yeah I am single going out with my friends on the weekends meeting a lot of different guys. This is a small town and I pretty much know everyone anyway but even my friends notice I am so much happier now. I don't know if I am looking for anything right now but I do enjoy having someone around sometimes. If that is weird of wrond or immoral so be it. I am not in a relationship and not hurting anyone and I am not hurt if I am seeing a guy and he is seeing other girls so I don't see how it should bother anyone else here. Anyway thought id update this I just have so many questions because I have never dated at all and don't know how to go about it if I wanted to. I have always just been scooped up by guys and been together for years and never really dated around.

[tina_tbay]

Oh and I realize that having sex with guys doesn't turn into a realationship and it rarely does but the thing is in both of my past long term relationship were one night stands that did turn into one 5 year and then recently one 2 year relationship its weird I know but for me my only expereince is from one night stands that turn into boyfriends not from me pushing it either its them that wanted it. So as weird as it sounds I have never dated and went out on dates and such. It was one night stands that ended up in relationships? So there you go that's why my questions don't seem weird to me.

[tina_tbay]

Haha I know huh I just read Cat 1864's post from sumone else I gave advice to I should be taking my own advice but sometimes its easier to dish it out then take it...

[tina_tbay]

Oh and for the person who saidFor most women, there is no such thing as sex without becoming emotionally involved. Umm I don't know but I like these people I have sex with but feelings for them? Not really I am not trying to sound like a prostitue or something but men have sex and don't care all the time just because I get my period once a month and I am a women doesn't mean I have to cry over every guy that comes my way. So you sorry if I enjoy sexual experiences and that's it. I mean if that's wrong then it should be wrong for men to and it isn't so whatever. Why would I be emotional about having sex its sex I don't know I'm going on a rant here. Im just different I guess.

[JBeaucaire]

My only thought is that using sex as a recreational activity very early in a relationship boosts you into the category of "temporary" for the guy... in most cases.

And you've seen the downside of this, too. Even though you stayed with "fast-sex" partners for years and years... it still doesn't work out for you.

Are you watching your own life's "causes and effects"?

So, knowing that introducing sex early in ANY relationship will completely cloud your ability to judge the "good match" status of the person you're dating, are you going to keep doing it just because it feels good?

I mean to say you can keep doing it, just make sure it's an informed decision. Doing it will push your chances of longevity with a guy down to a very slim chance, if any. Some men just can't commit to a girl they haven't had to work hard to "get"... and I mean 1-2 years worth of work.

It's hard to get yourself to the point that you're willing to spend that kind of time getting to know someone sex-free, but it's the most likely path to a successful "hunt".

Something to think about. If you're not ready for that, just enjoy where you are.

[Cat1864]

I moved out on my own and am not with my ex anymore for like a month or so

Decemember 18, 2009:

We are seeing other people and we both know this.

One says that you are single the other says that both of you are currently in relationships? Which is the truth?

[Gemini54]

My question is - if you enjoy hanging out more than having sex, why do you have sex?

No one is denying you the opportunity to be single, have sex with various partners when you want, and enjoy it. But, both men and women respect other men and women that exercise discretion.

We ended up having sex although I told him I didn't want to and I wanted to get to know him better.

This isn't exercising discretion - this is being persuaded against your better judgment.

Listen to your better judgment - I know you can - if you want to take things to the next level with guys (your words, not mine), then being available for sex is not the way to do.

Of course, if you just want to screw around and have a good time, and you don't care about the next level, then go ahead! Enjoy it while you can.

[tina_tbay]

Hmm well thanks guys your both right. If I do want something to last then I got to hang out with the guy and get to know them first but Im still not sure what I want yet. Maybe in the new year I'll stop just having fun and actually hang out with guys instead. Ya the guy that this post is about just asked my friend for her number on Facebook chat last night so he's out like seriously guys always hit on my friends and its like ummm my friends aren't going to go for some guy who was with me the other night. Why do guys do that like don't they know friends don't do that to friends especially good girl friends all my friends think this guy is a douche so I'm not talking to him again.

[Cat1864]

Maybe in the new year I'll stop just having fun and actually hang out with guys instead.

Having fun does not equal sex. I think that may the first lesson you need to learn.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Why do guys do that like don't they know friends don't do that to friends especially good girl friends all my friends think this guy is a douche so I'm not talking to him again.

Glad to know there is some boundaries you won't cross and there is some honor among cheaters.

[tina_tbay]

Well Im not a cheater in every relationship but anyway me and my friends are very close and we don't go there. Also what I find kind of weird is that I tried to blow this guy off Friday night he was texting me like crazy and I was at a party with friends and he was like well can I just go crash in your bed I was like fine its open go to my house. I still didn't come home for a long time and we didn't end up doing anything except sleeping. So I mean what was that all about? He didn't even try? That confused me then he goes and asks my friend for her number like what the hell. He only lives a block away so I don't know why he wanted to sleep over so bad because that's all that went on?

[Jake2008]

I think your question is, how to take a relationship to the next level?

We all make lifestyle decisions. What works for one, doesn't work for the next. It sounds like you are more happy than not in how you, and your friends, live right now.

It is hard to judge the motives of a man as you describe in your above post. Maybe he liked YOU on a different level, and expected a bit more commitment? Maybe he is looking for someone to have a serious relationship with. Maybe not, but how you behaved will set the tone for what, if anything, will come from it.

Sex without some sort of expectation or commitment, is a self serving exercise on both parts, with no lasting bond. Anybody can have indiscriminate meaningless sex if that's what they want to do.

But, to turn sexual encounters into some sort of lifestyle pattern, and expect it to be anything more, is unrealistic.

To take something 'to the next level', or spend more time with that person, or learn who they are, what they're all about, can't be expected when you give the best first, and then work backwards.

Not to say most have had one night stands in their lifetimes but that's not what I'm talking about for you.

If you give the impression that all you want to give of yourself, is sex, don't expect that he's going to ask you out for dinner to get to know YOU. He isn't likely to consider you long term material, and don't count on dinner at his mother's house.

The next level is realistic expectations. Do you realistically expect him to be a boyfriend, if all there is between you is sex? Do you realistically expect that he knows more about you naked, rather than dressed, and figures that you are worth pursuing?

Sex in a relationship that is based on a foundation will take it to the next level. You meet somebody, you click. You talk, talk remember, not undress- and exchange phone numbers. You meet for coffee, go on a few dates, see how it goes. You find that you like the person sitting in front of you, and you want to know more. He feels the same way.

You naturally develop trust, a reciprocal appreciation for each other, share more and more of your time together. You build on the foundation.

Sex will naturally follow, but will be only a part of the relationship, not the whole thing. You are adding sex which will probably make up a small part of what you share with the person overall.

We all deserve to be loved, and to love others, and just my opinion here, you are cutting yourself short by expecting that anything serious will come of sexual encounters with virtual strangers.

I hope at some point, you put the brakes on sex first, and realize that you are worth more to somebody than that one small part of yourself. Save that until you have an actual relationship based on friendship first

[tina_tbay]

Thanks jake lol I like how you word things I definitley need to. Just weird about dating never really have before so yeah I think that's my problem there too. I have never really dated so maybe I should read some books. I am a little bit shy and nervous when it comes to dating. Wow I am a mess huh?

[tina_tbay]

Anyone have any dating books or tips they would like to share?