[Ziggurat2009]

Hi. I'm here again to share my unhappiness with you. I was utterly hurt when my ex broke up with me in January. She basically did EVERYTHING you shouldn't do when breaking up with some one. So I felt pretty good one day and decided to start dating again. Met with two girls I wasn't entirely into. Then I met a girl online who is an artist like me and lives in the same town as me. She's pretty and can make me laugh quite a bit. We write letters and talk on the phone for two weeks. Clearly, we both like each other a lot.
Today I took her out to a lighthouse with an amazing view of the water. It was nice. Then we got lost in the city some. Then we went bowling. Had fun during every part of the date. She wanted me to stay at her place to watch a movie with her and her family. Since we had plans the next day, I figured I'd try to leave her missing me some. I got home and called her to talk some and say goodnight and she picks up... crying. I had a feeling this would happen... its always my luck. I ask what's wrong and if it had something to do with me. She took a few minutes to spit it out but she said she isn't over her ex who didn't want to maintain a long distance relationship with her. She said spending all of that time with me made her realize she needs time to get over this last bozo. She said I'm wonderful and had so much fun. She doesn't want to lead me on and hurt me more. I didn't know what to say. I told her I'm going away to school in Georgia in September and I'll be back in November. If you want to see me then, maybe we can see what happens.. She said yeah. I canceled our plans for the next day and told her to write me or text sometime. I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do. I said goodbye.

I'm frankly, tired of my heart feeling this heavy. I'm sick of feeling like the last person every cares about. I'm effing sick of it.

What should I do here? I told her I couldn't really settle for a friend right now. I told her I liked her and had very high opinions of her. Should I just stick to the plan I just mentioned? Allow two months to go by and see what happens in November?

Damn, I feel like crap.

[zippit]

I'm here again to share my unhappiness with you.

.

WHAT DID I DO?

Did that make you smile?
It too bad people can't be up front about what's going on with them
Why did she have to wait and tell you on the phone?
If she was up front you could have discussed it,maybe she just wanted to feel the situation out first,still a red flag don't you think?

[helpmepleaseee]

I think that you should just go to school and not necessarily look for someone else but if someone shows up, accept the opportunity. If you go home single and she is available, I think it is worth a try. She didn't tell you about her ex up-front but at least she let you know before it got too far, I think she sounds worth the wait, but don't stop living in the meantime.

[Ziggurat2009]

I'm quite tired of rejection to be honest. It has happened a few times in a row. She's actually a really really compatible match for me. In many ways. Thank you for your help guys. I suppose I'll just let life do its thing and see what happens when I get back.

[Jake2008]

I guess the plus side is, she was honest with you. That it came out over the phone, instead of face to face, was probably not intended to go down that way.

You have to give her credit for not stringing you along while she still has her ex to get over. That takes time, and it is something she needs to do without draging you along with it.

The plus side is, that she's working on it. When she is ready, and you are still willing, you will have a person you really like, without the baggage.

I'd stick to the plan, and see what happens in a few months.

[I wish]

Had to spread rep Jake2008.

I don't think this is considered a rejection. If does seem like she has a certain interest in you, but she wants to make sure that she's treating you fairly and not as a rebound, which is a huge plus.

She knows how you feel, because you've made that part clear. The only thing left to do is be patient. Anyway, you are going away for school, so you can't really expect her to commit too much for you. It's tough to start long distance.

Go about your business. Continue meeting new people. She's not your girlfriend, so you're not tied down. Who knows, you might meet someone else.

When she's done recovering and if you both still has feelings for each other, you will probably find each other again and go from there! For now, be there to support her, but don't give her anymore pressure to be with you. She will let you know when she's ready.

[talaniman]

Forget rejection, try it again with another female. You see to get some dates so why stop? Me, I try it again with a new female. Hey you had fun until her issues came into play so don't take it personally.

But then again, some guys cannot deal with rejection, don't be one of those as there are a million females out there.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple or crazy.

[ZoeMarie]

I've been rejected. It happens, but if you don't put yourself out there how are you going to find the right person for you? People will reject you along the way because let's face it, people don't generally end up marrying the first person they date.

[Ziggurat2009]

Okay, now I'm just hurt by this. I wrote her telling her I hope she is all right and perhaps when November comes we can see each other again. And I made a small joke that I knew she would think was funny. Simple and nothing to intense.

I get a rather nasty letter back. Which makes zero sense, we just spent the past two weeks talking to each other for hours every single night and she was always telling me how special she thought I was. And SHE found ME online.

The letter said something along the lines of "I'm dealing with many things at once right now. I don't think you should wait around for me I am not in the business of leading people on. One day you will find a girl and I don't think that will ever be me. I do not know how I can be more honest (and rude) about this. I mean it. Please don't write back as I am feeling sick lately because of everything and I don't think I could handle hearing about how I hurt you."

So now, apparently she wants nothing to do with me at all... as if I did something wrong... During our date, I was a gentleman! I held doors for her and paid for everything walked in the road so she could have the tiny path on the sidewalk... she even wanted me to stay and watch a movie with her.

She deleted me from her Facebook friends today too. Why do I feel like I did something wrong here??

This is the third girl in a row to give me the cold shoulder after meeting me. I'm getting paranoid now, I keep wondering what I'm doing wrong. I'm told I'm cute and good looking. I'm polite and maintain eye-contact the right way.

I'm just so... confused.

I hate to say it but this is the same cold-hearted behavior my ex gave me when she screwed me over. How can I tell if a new girl has this same capacity when this one was pretty much my perfect girl sent from the heavens?. until she does the 180 degree turn around and begins hating my guts for no reason.

Yes, I know there are many fish in the friggin sea but not many of them are my brand. This girl was an artist like me and has the same tastes and morals (from what we talked about) in everything.

[talaniman]

Stop putting them on some heaven sent pedestal, as they all have stinky farts.

This is more to do with you, than them, as relationships often don't work and it really doesn't have to be any ones fault.

You take it way to personally, so get over the melodrama, and see it for what it is, a journey through life, and deal with it in a mature way.

Not like a glassy eyed romantic, who thinks he has found his true love forever, and ever. Glad you have good manners, but you also need a thicker skin.

[Ziggurat2009]

Hello everyone,

I'm kind of bummed. Definitely not feeling the greatest about myself. I could use some guidance/advice. Continuing from where I left off with this girl... I went away to school in Georgia took an extra class and had a hell of a busy and lonesome quarter. Got back home here for Thanksgiving. My family was in crisis and I wanted to get away from it, bad. I thought of her and wrote her a small letter saying "How've you been lately? Hey, how would you like to catch up and do something strictly as friends?" I said "I remember what happened the last time we spoke and I understand you are only looking for friendship now."

She writes back a few days later with just "Sorry, I can't do that."

I was going to let it go. But damn this was really getting to me. I wrote back a few days later irritated. Without being rude I asked if I did something wrong and told her I feel rather foolish because I thought we had a clear connection. Lots in common and same morals, yadda yadda. We had shared so much of ourselves. Then we meet and you tell me you miss your ex. That was fine. But why do you seem to resent me so much?

She wrote back a few days later with "To be honest, you're really nice and we had a mental connection but I'm not physically attracted to you, sorry."

Apparently, she WAS NOT honest before. She wasn't exactly attractive to me either. I guess she was kind of cute. But I still was very interested in her... how should I feel about someone pulling the plug like she did saying she isn't physically attracted to me? I've never been told that before. It wasn't a deal breaker for me but with her I was no longer worth typing an entire paragraph to anymore. That's SO much wasted time and effort to just end so abruptly. I've actually built up my self-esteem lately, this brings it back down. I was not attracted to my first girlfriend AT ALL. I thought I'd never see her again after we first met. But she made me laugh and we then had a 3 year relationship. And now I'm still VERY attracted to her.

Its frustrating... SHE introduced herself to me on Facebook. She saw tons of photos of me. She pursued me. What the hell. I wish she never bothered me!!

I'd rather get this all out here than hold it all inside my head and deal with it alone.

[amicon]

Let it go now-dont get stuck wondering why-maybe she was honest,maybe it was an excuse-it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you move forward with your life and some day,maybe when you least expect it, the right girl will cross your path.

[talaniman]

Stop looking back, and keep going forward.

[jaime90]

Don't contact her again. She clearly has found multiple reasons NOT to date you in her eyes. Not being physically attracted to someone IS a deal breaker. If you are not physically attracted to your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or what have you, then there is something wrong. Physical attraction is a big deal. So is the fact that she hasn't had enough time to heal from past relationships. She wasn't honest with you in the begining- and it is rare that you will find a relationship where both people are completely honest from the beginning. The early stages in a relationship these days, often involve covering up your negative characteristics, and trying to play the "nice guy" or "nice girl" card. This is why it is SO important for you to be FRIENDS with the person before you start a relationship. Nobody can hide who they really are for long. The last thing you want is to be where you are right now- emotionally involved with a woman who wasn't who you thought she was. Unfortunately, this is all too common these days. Protecting yourself from this kind of hurt, by befriending the person first, is a MUST. There are a lot of deceptive, manipulative, and controlling people out there. The last thing you want is to get your feelings all wrapped up in a relationship with them.
It was disrespectful for you to overlook her feelings and contact her anyway. Don't contact her again, move on.

[Jake2008]

Maybe the key to this is that you were looking for comfort with a family crisis going on. Somebody to make you feel better, lift your spirits, have an enjoyable time. That didn't happen, and she stopped you in your tracks. That should have been enough.

But, you get in touch with her again, when you were irritated as you said, and start to question what happened with the relationship. Again, you start to re-hash ancient history. Again, she gives you a straight forward answer.

If your question is, do you go for round 3, my opinion is no. If your question is, do you try to figure out why she said what she did, and what it means, and I say that if you can do that, you can explain why zebra's have stripes too.

[I wish]

You've put your life on hold for her long enough. Quit allowing yourself to suffer.

It's time to move on to bigger and better things in life.