[gyoshi33]

We have been married for almost 12 yrs, we have four children. Two teenagers from a previous marriage.(mine) The only time we fight is over the children. I have begged for him to go to counseling with me to work it out. He just wants peace, and will sleep if he is not at work rather than dealing with the situation. I don't know what else to say or do to help him to understand that we can't do this alone.

[redhed35]

He is not taking you seriously.

You go on your own,once he's sees that you are serious about saving the marriage maybe he will get out of bed and work with you.

Someone people want peace at any price,but the price he is paying is an unhappy wife and household,is he really willing to pay that much?

[Devorameira]

I understand that he is ignoring you instead of facing the problems, but have you tried getting mad or do you just suffer in silence? He may not realize how much it upsets you.

Unfortunately when we begin ignoring each other, it is the beginning of the end unless we stop it before it is too late. Sometimes, there is very little we can do because after all it takes 2 to tango and if one person does not want to dance… well no tango!

[talaniman]

What is it you expect from him?? Why doesn't he want to give it to you? Why can't you go to counseling yourself, without him??

[Fr_Chuck]

I would start counseling without him also, and of course make sure you know how unhappy you are that he is not going,

Next what exactly is the arguments over the children,

[Catsmine]

I give my wife credit for raising our two, but I was always available as backup. She says she would offer to let me decide any impasse, but they backed down almost always.

When did he stop backing you up?

[sandalwood7]

Going to counselling by yourself will show him that there are obviously problems in your marriage. He won't be able to ignore the fact that you feel so strongly about this issue. It might force him to realise and face up to the truth in other words. You have been given good advice.

[gyoshi33]

Honestly, I am not sure when he stopped backing me, I have tried many times to tell him how it breaks my heart. I don't yell or call him names, I try to stay calm and use my heart and mind to get through to him. He wants to just pull the cover over his head and pretend that when he wakes up it will all be over and resolved. The issues with the children are mostly with our 15 yr old daughter they use to be so close but now not much. He hasn't said I love u, or a hug or I am proud of u, etc. I have tried to go to counseling in the past alone, but he feels he is just not the kind of person I am. Whatever that means. A talker... but I have told him we need to be on the same page. Our marriage is falling apart he knows it and sees it, but I just don't understand why he won't get up and help me. He thinks I am too soft, I think he needs to balance punish with I will love you no matter what you do. I think balance is very important in relationships especially with children. I grew up with the same type of relationship with my father except my father was abusive, no love, affection. This I have shared also with him. Thanks for all your input. It is much appreciated...