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brina8 · Dec 18, 2009, 01:22 PM

My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I can't understand why he has to pick a fight with people who says or don't do things his way. For example, cussing out people who buy cars outside of the United States, not watching news on a certain channel, or being in control of someone who doesn't cut their grass. Anything somebody does it sets him off. He's like a ticking bomb. During the evening my husband and I were standing outside of the Target store, a women in the car gave him a dirty look and he got upset. He took the cart our daughter was in and attempt to run it into her car. On several occasion he used his car as a weapon just to teach people a lesson. It's okay for him to break the law. He just want to make sure nobody breaks the law. My husband feels he has to be in control . He thinks no one care about what's going on in the world but him. My husband feels that he has to train me. I don't know what to do. I'm not perfect. I had issues with anxiety and depression for many years. I want to get better. I can't see how that's possible with me being around someone who wants to go to war. He doesn' think we need counseling anymore. It's not just him who has the problem it's me too. I want to pack my bags and leave. Does anyone have any suggestions.

Cat1864 · Dec 18, 2009, 02:20 PM

From what you have written, he has an anger management problem as well as a control problem.

He has put your child in danger. Does he realize that he could have gotten your daughter serious injured if not killed because of his anger issues? Pack your bags and your child's and get out. You can attempt to get back into counseling after you are in a safe place, if that is what you want.

amicon · Dec 18, 2009, 05:17 PM

It's time to get out before this escalates into something really awful. Your husband has serious problems and your first priority must be the safety of your child and yourself.

Jake2008 · Dec 18, 2009, 10:22 PM

That kind of anger that explodes when he feels he is 'wronged' is very dangerous. Road rage comes to mind- scary people, with no control.

My worry would be also for your daughter, but also for yourself. If you were to try to stop him when he was in a rage (in public or at home), are you sure that he could control himself? I'm not so sure he could.

I don't know how long you were in counselling with him, but I urge you to continue, and even go a few times yourself if you are uncomfortable relaying your fears, or you are intimidated to do so when he is there.

Bottom line, your daughter needs protection, and you will have to make sure that happens. For both your sakes.

Devorameira · Dec 19, 2009, 10:40 AM

He definitely has serious issues.

One of the cardinal rules of all love relationships is that we cannot change how other people think and behave, we can only change how we think and behave. So if he's exhibiting behavior that is excessively controlling, it is not a good idea to go into "rescue mode," and think that you can change him, either in the context of your relationship, or in the world at large.

You really need to get away from him. Otherwise this kind of controlling behavior is far more likely to escalate and intensify-rather than decline-as the relationship progresses. If you do leave be very careful because it could turn physical.

talaniman · Dec 19, 2009, 10:48 AM

I think leaving him, and staying away until he agrees to work with you, would get his attention.

Gemini54 · Dec 19, 2009, 04:45 PM

I would not be trying to work through ANYTHING with this man. He is a walking time bomb. It's only a matter of time before he hurts someone, or himself.

Do you have any good friends or family that you can stay with? Otherwise there are women's refuges that you can ask for advice and assistance.

You need to think of yourself and your daughter now. Your husband is not a good role model and you cannot help him. He needs professional help to manage his anger.

Pack your bags and leave - but be very careful.