[The confused]

Hi.

I´ve been reading a lot of posts in here and they are really helpful. Good job everybody.

I myself have a relationship problem and hope you can help.

My girlfriend dumped me almost two months ago. We had been together for a year and it was a really great relationship. Especially the first half. When we met she told me she hadn´t forgotten about her ex, but I didn´t think at that time. I was in love. Six months into the relationship she told me, she still had her ex on her mind. Of course that made me sad and I felt bad about myself. I didn´t feel good enough for her.

Then the second half of our relationship started. We were still in love and felt great but I guess the ex still haunted me. Without knowing that the ex was the problem I got more and more frustrated. I thought my frustration came from somewhere else: The school, the job etc.

Then I felt she started to create a distance between us. I felt bad and neglected and my mood was of course worsened. One day she came home and told me that she wasn´t in love with me anymore. She still had feelings for me and wouldn´t mind having kids with me one day but that would not be fair for either of us.

We talked for an hour and then I left. Two days later she texted me, asking if I wanted to come get my things. I came the next day and we talked. She told me she missed me very much and it was very hard but she felt it was the right thing.

A couple of weeks went by. Then she contacted me again telling me the same things again. She missed me, felt lonely and so on. I visited her and picked up the last of my things. We talked for a couple of hours. She told me that she had finally gotten over her ex and that she missed lying next to me etc.

I started to work out a little more than usual. Focused on friends, school and job. Followed all the guidelines in here. Yesterday she contacted me again. It´s only been three weeks since we last saw each other. This time she sent me an email wishing me a merry christmas and once again telling me how much she misses me. She is talking about how ambivalent she is feeling about it all. How sad she is because she hurt me. She goes on and says I´m a fantastic person and the best boyfriend in the world and I will someday make a stupid b I t c h - her words - a very happy woman.

What is this? Is she trying to get me back in a very subtle way? Is she apologizing? What?

Hope you can help me.

[artlady]

She sounds confused so it is impossible to say with any certainty what she is thinking.

However, a possible scenario is that she is conflicted because she misses the comfort of the relationship.

She misses all the positive things you had together but is conflicted because she is not in love with you.

Loves you a friend but not in a romantic way.


I also think she did not just get over her ex but that her ex did not give her the time of day and you are plan B

Sorry to be harsh but that's the way it appears from my vantage point.

[talaniman]

She is trying to be nice, and let you go easy, its just not working that way to you.

NO, she doesn't want you back, and its up to you to move on.