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gia23 · Dec 16, 2009, 03:53 PM

I met this guy at his bar and every time we talk I always felt the connection. He will send my way some drink or he will ask the bartender to ask me if I want some drinks on him. I catch him looking, and the big smile when I arrived in the place. One time I went there waiting for my friend at his lounge and when I left I saw his text asking if I already left the place since he wanted to buy me a drink. I don't think he just doing that to be friendly with clients. The next day I texted him saying thank you and how il take a raincheck and we should catch lunch sometimes.. his responds was " will do, see you soon" I was confuse since I thought him texting me was a q that he is interested. If he was engage why can't he just say that "i can't since i have a fiancee" Now I think I am really connected to this guy... I want to know if I have a chance... does he like me? Or just being extra friendly?

s_cianci · Dec 16, 2009, 04:32 PM

How do you know he's engaged? If he is, then he's off limits. Otherwise, it sounds like he's interested ; I doubt that he's just being extra friendly.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 16, 2009, 07:16 PM

What a great catch, he is already "cheating" on his soon to be wife and not even married flirting with you.

So you may win him, and they he can buy someone else drinks with you at home

gia23 · Dec 16, 2009, 07:35 PM

I found out from a friend that he is engaged. I don't think its cheating when you talk to someone. I mean I just felt the connection when he speaks to me. I mean by body language. He runs the club he can buy drink all night its free for him. Don't you think he can like somebody even he is engage.. maybe he is not ready? That's why back to my original question do you think I have a chance...

Fr_Chuck · Dec 16, 2009, 07:38 PM

So when you are with him, ( if you get him) and he is sitting at a bar buying other girls drinks, who are feeling connections you would have no problem with it.

Of course you have a chance, men cheat on their other love ones all the time

ohsohappy · Dec 16, 2009, 07:42 PM

Not morally you don't, but if you want drama and heartache, then go for it.

ohsohappy · Dec 16, 2009, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by gia23

I found out from a friend that he is engaged. I dont think its cheating when you talk to someone. I mean i just felt the connection when he speaks to me. I mean by body language. He runs the club he can buy drink all night its free for him. Dont you think he can like somebody even he is engage.. maybe he is not ready? thats why back to my original question do you think i have a chance...

All of this is cheating emotionally, if he's approaching you, but he is engaged, then he is trying to hook up more than likely anyway, either way, the intent is the same. If he already has a girl, what kind of man does this make him, and why would you want to be with him, walk away before it's too hard later on. Find a single man.

Jake2008 · Dec 17, 2009, 12:57 AM

You have no business texting a man that you know is engaged, and asking him out for lunch.

Why would you do that. What if his response had been, "Sure, meet me at The Sleazy and we'll order in.

Please walk away from him, stop with the texting, don't accept drinks from him at the bar, and if he asks why, simply say, "Because you are an engaged man."

amicon · Dec 17, 2009, 02:23 AM

He's engaged-he's possibly prepared to not only emotionally cheat-great catch-NOT. Walk away.

gia23 · Dec 17, 2009, 08:44 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

You have no business texting a man that you know is engaged, and asking him out for lunch.

Why would you do that. What if his response had been, "Sure, meet me at The Sleazy and we'll order in.

Please walk away from him, stop with the texting, don't accept drinks from him at the bar, and if he asks why, simply say, "Because you are an engaged man."

I found out he was engaged a week later after I responded to text and ask him out for lunch. I met this guy 8 months ago a year ago I don't think he was engaged then

artlady · Dec 17, 2009, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by gia23

I found out from a friend that he is engaged. I dont think its cheating when you talk to someone. I mean i just felt the connection when he speaks to me. I mean by body language. He runs the club he can buy drink all night its free for him. Dont you think he can like somebody even he is engage.. maybe he is not ready? thats why back to my original question do you think i have a chance...

Sure ,you have a chance to be the other woman.
That is not a position I would want to be in but some women find they don't mind being a secret lover,playing second place to another woman.

Do you have a chance to make him change his mind about marriage and decide he wants to be with you? That is highly unlikely.

Why did he keep the information about being engaged from you? Because he is looking for a little on the side.

Third scenario is that he treats all his new customers this way as a way to get them back to his place.He is practicing good public relations for his business and you were just another dollar sign.

Jake2008 · Dec 17, 2009, 11:46 AM

Well, I guess now that you know, it is best to leave him alone. He sounds like a player to me.

gia23 · Dec 17, 2009, 12:50 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

Well, I guess now that you know, it is best to leave him alone. He sounds like a player to me.

That would be hard since we do a lot of business on his club.. I can't ignore a person who is always there... would it be a good idea to put him on his spot in our next encounter? Or ask him what his intention?. he doesn't know that I know that he his in fact engage?

HotPotato2009 · Dec 17, 2009, 12:58 PM

Im going to say this... the man is engaged. Leave him alone! Stop making contact with this man. In the end your going to be the one with the broken heart. It may seem like everything is all good between you two but eventually he's going to come out of his face saying some stuff like "you knew I was engaged from the start" and blah blah blah. Your going to get your feelings hurt especially if you have strong feelings for him.

I also agree with Jake2008, he does sound like a player. If he playing around on his fiancée like that, what makes you think he not doing it to you also

artlady · Dec 17, 2009, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by gia23

That would be hard since we do a lot of business on his club.. i can't ignore a person who is always there... would it be a good idea to put him on his spot in our next encounter? or ask him what his intention?.. he doesn't know that i know that he his in fact engage?

If he makes a pass at you and you have been sending no mixed signals to him,now that you know he is taken,I would tell him in no uncertain terms that you don't date men who are not available.
Someone always gets hurt in this type of situation and any relationship that begins with deceit ends badly.
Just because he is not taking the higher road does not mean that you shouldn't.

ohsohappy · Dec 17, 2009, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by gia23

I found out he was engaged a week later after i responded to text and ask him out for lunch. I met this guy 8 months ago a year ago i dont think he was engaged then

That does't matter. He's engaged now.
He chose her, not you.

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 01:21 PM

This is sad! You know the guy is engaged to be married and you're pursuing him anyway? That's completely disrespectful, and very cruel to him and his fiancée. Leave them alone. By giving you "extra attention" he is flirting with the idea of cheating... Do you really want to get involved with a cheater? I feel so sad for his poor fiancée.

gia23 · Dec 17, 2009, 01:30 PM

Originally Posted by jaime90

This is sad! You know the guy is engaged to be married and you're pursuing him anyways? That's completely disrespectful, and very cruel to him and his fiancee. Leave them alone. By giving you "extra attention" he is flirting with the idea of cheating...Do you really want to get involved with a cheater? I feel so sad for his poor fiancee.

jaime90 Fist of all if you are reading my post I didn't know he was engaged! I am not disrespectful. I didn't even know he has a girlfriend we use to talk for two hours in the lounge and that wasn't mention to me. Im not cruel to him or to the girl... and I'm not pursuing him either! Whoa! Read my post I said due to the connections we had I just replied to his message and ask him out for lunch not knowing he has a girlfriend. I didn't ask for you to judge all I ask was for an advice!

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 01:36 PM

Originally Posted by gia23

The next day i texted him saying thank you and how il take a raincheck and we should catch lunch sometimes.. his responds was " will do, see you soon" I was confuse since i thought him texting me was a q that he is interested. If he was engage why can't he just say that "i can't since i have a fiancee" Now i think i am really connected to this guy... i want to know if i have a chance... does he like me? or just being extra friendly?

I did read your post, but your question says it all: "Do I have a chance if he is engaged already?" My advice is- no you don't, because you should be leaving them alone. In the above quote, I don't see anything that says you did not know he was engaged. In fact, after you mention the fact that he IS engaged, you ask us if he likes you and if you have a chance with him. You don't tell us that his attention is unwanted, you imply that you want a chance with him. If this is not correct, please enlighten me.

gia23 · Dec 17, 2009, 02:07 PM

I guess you are right the question should have been " if he was not engage do i have a chance?" Apologies...