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Patrick Brown · Dec 16, 2009, 01:03 PM

Where to start...
I am Bi but my friend thinks I am fully straight, I only know him a matter of months and already I have fallen head over heals for him! So much so it is effecting my daily life.
To add to the comfusion... everyone around me thinks he is Gay and coming onto me, I
I see things he does to me and the way he acts around me, its far more in my eyes than a friend would just do. I have some very close froends and they would not act this way to me.
I am being called pet, darling all that crap by him and I don't know if he's messing or what now. He has a girlfriend and she hates me, she even feels really uncomfortable when he's around me.
Is there anyway of me finding out what is going on? I really am going mad wondering about it.. Any advice would be greatly appricated

jaime90 · Dec 16, 2009, 01:09 PM

Exactly. You're going mad wondering about it. Why don't you ask him what his intentions are.. That really is, the only way to know for sure.
p.s. If he has a girlfriend, he is off-limits, so don't even think about it.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 16, 2009, 07:36 PM

Ask him, talk about it

Clough · Dec 16, 2009, 07:44 PM

Hi, Patrick Brown!

Yes, why don't you just straight-up and ask him about it?

Thanks!

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 07:58 AM

Thanks for the replys, I think if he is just a touchy feely friend. I really couldn't handle it if I lost him :(
He must see something because he accused me when he was drunk of trying to break him and his girlfriend up. Bu when I asked him he told me "he dosent know why he said that to me".
I think there is a lot going on that is unexplained but at the same time I am starting to wonder am I only seeing what I want to see?

Synnen · Dec 17, 2009, 08:29 AM

Either way, he has a girlfriend.

Stop seeing what you hope to see, because he's taken.

IF at some point in the future, you're BOTH single at the same time, then discuss it. Otherwise, back off and treat him as you would any other friend.

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 09:33 AM

But it s not even that, they are not a good couple. She cheats on him all the time. He told me the other night he would take my side over hers anyday...
I really don't want to lose him :(

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 09:42 AM

Does anyone think from what I said that he is a bit intrested?
Like mates don't grab other mates asses and more the pillows in a bed over pushed up against mine to be closer to me. Or how the last time he say me with a girl he ran into the bedroom and had a "breakdown" at just the same time

Synnen · Dec 17, 2009, 09:52 AM

I think that if you do not sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him, you're making stories in the clouds.

There are two ways to tell if someone is gay/bi:

1. They tell you so.
2. You physically see them in bed with someone of the same sex.

That's it. Those are the ONLY ways.

As far as telling if someone is interested in you--no idea. Everyone kind of seems to have their own cues.

HOWEVER--I *do* know people are impressed by courage and confidence.

Is he really worth getting upset over if he drops you, even as just a friend, because you express interest?

Why does HE have to be the one to make the first move?

Sitting and dithering about it is getting you absolutely nowhere.

Either DECIDE to do nothing, or approach him about it---but by actually doing nothing, you GAIN absolutely nothing.

And again--he's in a relationship. Whether it's a GOOD relationship doesn't matter. No one will thank you for getting in the middle of that.

hheath541 · Dec 17, 2009, 10:21 AM

Why not just find a casual way to tell him you like guys? When you guys are watching TV or a movie make a comment about one of the guys on the screen. Just letting him know that you are interested in guys will make a huge difference if he does like you.

I agree with everyone else, though. He is OFF-LIMITS as long as he has a girlfriend. Use that time to get to know him better. The last thing you want hanging over your head if you do end up in a relationship is the fear that since he left someone to be with you that he'll repeat it to be with someone else.

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 10:30 AM

Well that's funny, because the last time we were watching a dvd and brad pitt was on it he said "wouldnt you do brad pitt"

Does that mean that he was trying to tell me?

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 10:36 AM

No. My fiancé and I always joke about which celebrities of the same sex we wouldn't mind going gay or bi for. And so does him and his friends. This doesn't imply that he is gay. The only way you can know is by asking.

Also, he has a girlfriend so stay away. Her cheating on him is no excuse- this is THEIR relationship, not yours- you don't get to decide they should end it and then try to steal the guy away from this girl. Leave them alone, and stop reading so far into him and just ask.

hheath541 · Dec 17, 2009, 10:37 AM

No one can say for sure. Eventually you're going to have to find the courage to tell him. I know it's hard, from personal experience, but it will make you feel better in the end. I don't think he'll stop being your friend, even if he isn't interested in you.

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 10:42 AM

Will it things up if I tell him and he's not?:(
I get so jelous all the time

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 11:07 AM

You can't change his feelings if you ask and he says he's not, and it would be immature to try to get him to change his feelings. You don't have to tell him that you like men, you just have to ask him if he does.

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 11:20 AM

Yeah I think your right, even do it will be hard I will still have to do it...
And to be honest it really is only him I have developed feelings for

jaime90 · Dec 17, 2009, 11:45 AM

Just be casual and ask him. Go from there based on his answer. If it's a yes though, you still need to wait for him to deal with his girlfriend before you do anything else. If it's a no, you won't die. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

slapshot_oi · Dec 17, 2009, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Patrick Brown

does anyone think from what i said that he is a bit intrested?
like mates dont grab other mates asses and more the pillows in a bed over pushed up against mine to be closer to me. or how the last time he say me with a girl he ran into the the bedroom and had a "breakdown" at just the same time

Of the threads I've read on here that say "I'm gay and in love with a straight man", I find it hard to believe that "the straight guy" is really straight. Ya, it's possible, but if you believed there was a snowflake's chance in hell that he'd date you, you wouldn't let your feelings get the best of you. That being said, you obviously can sense something about him that makes you think this way.

From that quote above, there's no question he's into you, which means he's probably not into his girlfriend. I suggest catching him off-guard and try making a move on him. If you simply ask him whether he likes you or not, you'll give him an opportunity to say "no" when he may have really wanted to say "yes" but crumbled under the pressure. You'll get the most honest answer this way.

Patrick Brown · Dec 17, 2009, 12:21 PM

Wel that's what sort of was thinking but if it doesn't work... then is going to be trouble:(
Yeah when he's with me he won't talk to his girlfriend he switches off his phone...
And she told me the other day she thinks he rathers her than me and then laughed but am not sure what she meant

slapshot_oi · Dec 17, 2009, 01:01 PM

The worst that can happen is he pushes you away and yells "what the hell are you doing!?", and then you can tell him everything you've told us.

I don't think it'll cause trouble--you said yourself everyone thinks he's hitting on you--and I really don't think he'll stop you.