[HeartTrips]

Any contact isn't going to help you it will only help her, stay away from her, far away, it hurts, it was love when it was, but its over, your story has been great but keep moving on, date as many girls as u want, learn from your mistakes and love yourself enough to let her go.

[Coffee Pot]

So the ex, and the ex's best friends keep attempting to add me as a friend. I just keep ignoring the ex's requests but every time I talk to the mutual friend (ex's bff) she makes some comment like 'add me!' I usually just ignore that or make some funny joke about it and I never, not even once, have even mentioned the ex's name when jokingly saying no.

But it hasn't stopped, so now I feel like I should say something more.

My proposed message summary in bullet points(to the ex best friends not ex):
-Life is better without the ex
-I don't hate the ex, I just don't want her in my life
-Being friends with you on Facebook opens the door to her life and I have no interest in that
-Tell the ex to please leave me alone
-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without Facebook drama

Should I send this message? Please don't advise to tell the friend (sorry, again) she is pushy and for some reason 'really wants my friendship.'

Deep down, I know what advice I am probably going to hear, but usually I need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth. So ladies and gentleman, give me the nay.

[amicon]

Nay,double nay and I think you know the reasons?

[Cat1864]

-I will add you as a friend in the near future but for now I like life without facebook drama

It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.

[Imabadman]

If you really value this person as a friend I think Cat's answer is pretty good. However, if you don't care either way just continue to blow it off as you have been.

[vanheart]

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

[Coffee Pot]

Or just screw it & stop wasting your time.
& stop letting her & her friends manipulate you.

Disappear.

Well I do value this one girls friendship. I have known her just as long as the ex and we have always been close. I don't think I am letting her, or her friends manipulate me in the slightest. I just get these sh*t tests every once in a while and sometimes need the help of you guys to tell me how to handle it.

All points taken, thank you all.

[vanheart]

One way of passing those tests is to get off Facebook, at least until you are over this.

The more drama you can remove, the faster you can heal from this.

Hang with your good friends & people that care about solely about you, not her.

[Coffee Pot]

It sounds like you already have Facebook drama (sounds like a TLC channel program :) ).

If you feel you have to say something, how about: I value our friendship, however, I don't feel that being friends on Facebook would be appropriate for right now. Please do not send another request. I will send one to you when I think it won't be seen as encouraging more drama.

I wouldn't ask the friend to tell the ex anything. That puts her more in the middle and would end up causing more drama.

Coffee Pot's Facebook Drama is brought to you by Folgers - The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in your cup. Wednesdays at 9PM on TLC.

So I basically told the friend everything you said Cat and she seemed slightly/jokingly upset but I think crisis averted for now. The ex will come a knocking again soon enough.

So it's been over 5 months and the ex has only tried to contact me through MySpace and Facebook, with one text in between. At least try if you actually want to contact me...

5 months and counting, each day is easier and easier.

[amicon]

I'm glad its getting easier-soon it will be just a memory.

[vanheart]

Good.

Glad you have a sense of humor.

NC will bring more of that.

[Coffee Pot]

Just wanted to check back in and update the people in here who have helped me so much in this journey.

It's been like 2 months (amazing I don't even know how long) since I finally dropped her from everything. Other than a text to tell her I was an uncle and a couple of friend requests from her (all ignored) there hasn't been any other contact of any sort. Things have been great. I'm not even sure if I still think about her every day, I probably do but barely here and there.

There is actually a couple of other girls I am pursuing and they are really the only thing on my mind at this point. It's definitely good advice to not just jump in bed immediately after a breakup. You need the time to heal, and I can tell that I am ready to date again.

I appreciate all the help I have gotten from everyone in this forum, it's a testament to this community that so many people jump in here and reply so fast to my thoughts/confusion/questions. I would have made a whole lot of mistakes without you all, so thank you.

One final question here since for some reason today I was thinking about her. Her dog passed away. I heard from one of my friends and decided not to say anything. Then one of her friends brought it up to me and I said 'that's terrible, give her my condolences.' I haven't heard back from her and just felt like I should say something. I was close to this dog and I am sure it's hurting her. I should probably leave be but I feel like this is one of those instances where it can't hurt to just reach out say my thing and move on. Thoughts?

[amicon]

Great that you are doing so well! As for your question, you've already passed on your condolences so I'd say leave it at that. Sad though, poor doggie.
Happy dating and A Happy 2010!

[Coffee Pot]

Umm... so... yeah. Didn't listen to your advice. Texted her that I was sorry about her dog and it somehow turned into the closest thing we have had to a conversation since September.

Cliff Notes of Convo
CP-Sorry about your dog
EX-Thanks...
CP-?
EX-Surprised to hear from you, miss u, hope you are well.
CP-Yeah just felt bad about your dog, she must of missed me too. Hope u had a good holiday
EX-Thanks hope you and your family are doing well, especially your new nephew.
CP-Thanks, he came home last night. Cutest baby I've ever seen.
EX-I wish I could see him. So exciting for you. I really do miss u, your fam and the guys.
CP-Yeah part of the process though. Easier and better if we don't stay in touch or see each other.
EX-Kinda sucks... u were such a big part of my life, I can't never talk to you. I still care about you and think about you everyday.
CP-As were you a big part of my life. But I'm not going to risk the chance feelings return if I see you again. Not worth it to me.
EX-Not worth it? Why? What if it is mutual?
CP-I don't know, I never want to feel like I did a couple of months ago.
EX-I understand... I'm sorry just have missed you.

And I started feeling weird so I cut off contact after that. No idea what to do from here. I do still have feelings for her but I'm not sure that's a road I even want to think about going back down.

[amicon]

Hmm.. . So how are you feeling now? As if you took a walk in the wrong direction or can you handle it?

[Coffee Pot]

She's on my mind today but I'm not really sure how I feel. I reached a point where I know all the reasons she wasn't right for me (drilled them into my own head for 5 months) but at the same time I do know I still have feelings for her.

Just came as kind of a surprise. I knew she has missed me but it seems like she still has feelings. I'm not going to go towards her, she hasn't attempted to contact me (maybe out of fear who knows) other than trying to friend request me. This whole thing was just kind of a curveball.

Also, as one person previously called me the MySpace whisperer (which I thought was hilarious) it seems once I dropped her on Myspace and Facebook a friend last night told me her whole attitude changed. She stopped posting, stopped taking pictures, stopped really partying. Maybe I was the MySpace whisperer. Ha.

[amicon]

Good. Curveballs happen.
Enjoy next year.

[talaniman]

You have so much time, and freedom to do your thing now, so do it!

[Coffee Pot]

The coffee is brewing...

So we talked again last weekend while I was at a wedding for my cousin. She was supposed to go (back in August) so we had a small text conversation basically both saying wish she was there. It then moved off to the fact that she was at the movies with her sister and I kind of stopped it there.

So now she is on my mind a lot. It's not like before where I am sad and hurt from the breakup. I feel like I am truly over the breakup but I still have feelings for her. I'm not sure how to go forward with this whole situation. I talked to her friend the other day who said she had told her she missed me too (which she thought was selfish of her) and was asking me pretty serious questions like 'do I still miss her' 'would I take her back.'

Basically this whole thing feels surreal because just 2 months ago this would have been a dream come true but now the whole thing feels tainted. I feel like I still love her, and I definitely miss her but I don't want to go back down that road again if it is just going to lead to me being hurt.

My thoughts are to just kind of sit back and see if she comes to me. If she wants it enough I would think she would seek me out and try and rekindle the flame, but with women sometimes it seems like they sit back and wait for the man to make the move. But this feels like a different situation.

So help desk, you've been there for me every step of the way. Do I sit back and wait, stay the f away, or take some steps towards her (if that's how I truly feel).

[vanheart]

Stay away, but don't sit back or wait.

Do your own thing w/o her.

And go NC