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ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 12:43 PM

I feel so lost. I haven't felt happy for months and cry almost everyday.I am in my second year at university and I hate it. I have no friends there and I don't fit in. The majority of people are from very wealthy families and have had a private education but I went to a state school and aren't like them. They see me as being different and don't see me as worthy enough to talk to. If I ask them questions they look right through me and ignore me. I spend all day at university and then I go back to the house where I live and sit along because I don't get on with my housemates. Some days I go without saying a word to anyone and without anyone saying a word to me. Last week my lecturer used me as a punchline to his joke because I was sat alone in my lecture and he said I must be a loner because no one wants to be anywhere near me, to which the rest of the class laughed at. I miss my family and my friends so much.

Earlier this year I got into a relationship with my best friend, but we broke up in June, since then he has refused to see me, and tells me that I make his stress worse. (he suffers from post traumatic stress and depression). Through my first year of university he was my rock and he kept me there even though I missed home so much. But now he's gone, and he says he can never be with me again because I screwed up and I've lost him. I screwed up because I was afraid to trust him after a bad relationship I had, and when I did finally begin to trust him it was too late.

I feel so low and hopeless. I have lost my best friend and someone that I really thought I could be with for a long time, and I'm all alone at university and now I feel I have no one. And when he tells me that I make him feel awful and stress him out I feel devastated, and I really am beginning to think he would be better off without me ever being in his life, and that if he had just never met me he could truly be happy with someone else right now, who can make him happy and look after him and support him like I could never do. I get so worked up about it all and I cry a lot because of it, getting myself into a state where I can't breath anymore and I feel like I'm going to pass out because my head hurts so much. And I really don't know what to do. I try to talk to him but he just brushes it off like its nothing, and I really don't know where to turn to or what to do. I feel so hopeless :(

What should I do?

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 01:07 PM

Hi, ForeverSearching!

I'm assuming that they have counselors available for the students at the university for other than academic advising. Do they?

Thanks!

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 01:31 PM

Hi again, ForeverSearching!

I can see that you're still logged on here and apparently, still looking at this thread. If you respond and continue to dialogue, you will get lots of helpful advice here. But, you do need to respond. I know just the right people to call on to bring into this thread.

Please respond.

Thanks!

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 01:33 PM

They do but in order to use the service you have to be registered with the doctors on campus and I'm not

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 01:56 PM

Would it be possible for you to be registered with the doctors?

Thanks!

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 02:00 PM

I haven't got all the information they need for me to be registered with them

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 02:05 PM

Then, if it's possible for you to get the information in order for you to be registered with them, then I would suggest that you do that.

It's best to be proactive rather than reactive.

Right now, you're in a funk and having trouble functioning. It's easy to get to be that way and can be hard to get going to do the things that you need to be able to do in order to be happy and productive.

I know. I'm in the same kind of mood myself, right now...

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 02:08 PM

Is there something wrong with me?

How long have you been feeling like it?

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 02:17 PM

If there were some clinical mental and/or physical problem happening with you, you would need to see a physician in person to determine that.

I have been clinically depressed for many years. It took counseling and doctor visits to definitely determine that. I've also been on medication for the depression and anxiety, on and off, for a number of years.

What season of the year is it where you're located, please?

Thanks!

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 02:21 PM

Its winter at the moment

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 02:30 PM

Do you feel more depressed when it's cloudy and cold than when it's sunny and warm?

Soulbeliever666 · Dec 12, 2009, 02:31 PM

Hi ForeverSearching
I know what its like to be alone I moved from my home town about 5 years ago and I don't really have friends up here and the ones I do have well even if I do try to talk to them they don't really seem to listen. And it gets you down I know its not the same situation as yours but you shouldn't let people get to you at uni it really isn't worth and I know it's hard not too sometimes but can in way make you a stronger person just try and keep positive about your work and your goals and you will achieve great things if you put your mind to it. And you're the best friend well I don't give advice its not wise but I have been through hell and back and from what I've learnt in my short time is that if you don't let go of the pass you'll never live. So maybe it's time to think about taken a deep breath and let go of that chapter in your life. He will find you in the end if he still wants you as a friend. But what ever you choose make sure its right for you. Also about your teacher you should report him he was completely out of order. You should check out the counselors the uni have to offer sometimes that helps or try Samaritans Home Page--> they are very very good at least check them out hey you never know.
By the way sorry for the long response. (-:
Good luck with uni!

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 02:38 PM

Clough - it doesn't really make a difference I don't think.

Soulbeliever - thank you for your response. What you said about uni makes sense and has helped.
When it comes to my best friend, I can't see my life without him, I don't think I'm strong enough to let him go. I know its selfish because I'm making it worse for him, I just wish with all my heart that I could make him happy and support him like he deserves. He spent a whole year looking after me after a bad break up. He spent night after night sitting out in the cold with me, and listening to me and being the best friend possible. And I fell in love with him, and in time I learnt to trust him, but it was too late for him I made him wait too long and I ruined it, and I don't know how I can make it up to him, because he honestly deserves everything he has ever dreamed of, I just don't know how to show him that. :(

Clough · Dec 12, 2009, 02:54 PM

It's tough being your age, so many choices, experiments with things and people as to what to do with life. I've had many, many intimate relationships in my life. Do I still love some of those women? Yes. Are some of them still in love with me? Yes. Is it possible to be in love with more than one person? Yes.

But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out. I had to make the choice to move on and seek out others, if that is the thing that I would choose to do.

You can move on, too...

Soulbeliever666 · Dec 12, 2009, 02:54 PM

Well from what your saying and please don't take this the wrong way but sounds like he has problems and issuses to sort out himself and its not unusual for people who suffer with post traumatic stress and depression to block out the people they love and care about it's there way of coping I guess, I expect he doesn't mean to hurt you. I would say talking is the best answer but maybe you should leave him alone for while and see what happends? But like I said you got to do what you feel is right. If it where me I'd confront him even if he doesn't like it but then that could make things worse.. . But try not to let it get to you to too much I know its hard.

Soulbeliever666 · Dec 12, 2009, 02:57 PM

I can say that these feeling won't last forever and its perfectly normal to feel the way you do it would be mighty strange if you didn't! But from what your saying and please don't take this the wrong way but sounds like he has problems and issuses to sort out himself and its not unusual for people who suffer with post traumatic stress and depression to block out the people they love and care about it's there way of coping I guess, I expect he doesn't mean to hurt you. I would say talking is the best answer but maybe you should leave him alone for while and see what happends? But like I said you got to do what you feel is right. If it where me I'd confront him even if he doesn't like it but then that could make things worse.. . But try not to let it get to you to too much I know its hard. But these

ForeverSearching · Dec 12, 2009, 03:02 PM

He says he can't give me what he wants. He suffers from a sort of agrophobia, which means he can't go to places he's never been before, and because of that he thinks he can't be the perfect guy he wants to be for me, because he always imagined himself be romantic and surprising me with trips aways and stuff.
That kind of thing doesn't bother me at all, I just want to spend time with him. I want to support him, and be there for him but I don't know how to be. :(

Soulbeliever666 · Dec 13, 2009, 12:48 AM

He sounds incredibly sweet, he needs to know your supportive and that your not bothered with going on surprise trips and I'm sure you tried to tell him that he's probably worried you'll get fed up with his problems etc and that's probably contributes a little to his anxietys which don't blame yourself for by the way because it's not your fault at all. It sounds like he needs the constant reassurance which again is normal too. It's hard to know where to start helping and supporting a friend/love one sometimes, I have found a web site about PTSD and the best way to help situation is by learning about it that way you'll know how to help,(and I'm not saying you don't know anything about his condition but its always worth looking more into it) here is the link:

Search.

It's very good I have been reading a bit of it there is a part that's worth reading under: How can PTSD be helped?
It might be of some use might give you some fresh ideas in ways to support him and talk to him. I do hope it helps in some way.

Soulbeliever666 · Dec 13, 2009, 12:49 AM

He sounds incredibly sweet, he needs to know your supportive and that your not bothered with going on surprise trips and I'm sure you tried to tell him that he's probably worried you'll get fed up with his problems etc and that's probably contributes a little to his anxietys which don't blame yourself for by the way because it's not your fault at all. It sounds like he needs the constant reassurance which again is normal too. It's hard to know where to start helping and supporting a friend/love one sometimes, I have found a web site about PTSD and the best way to help situation is by learning about it that way you'll know how to help,(and I'm not saying you don't know anything about his condition but its always worth looking more into it) here is the link:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

It's very good I have been reading a bit of it there is a part that's worth reading under: How can PTSD be helped?
It might be of some use might give you some fresh ideas in ways to support him and talk to him. I do hope it helps in some way.

ForeverSearching · Dec 13, 2009, 05:41 AM

Thank you so much for the link you sent, I've just read through it now, and I feel it helped. I've been trying to find wedsites and stuff about it to learn a bit more, so I can understand better, so this website really helped.

It does make me feel awful though because he's said that if he could give me everything I wanted he would, but he said he never would be able to be the best person he could be and the give me all that I deserved, and the thought of me missing out on that because of him only makes his depression worse, because he knows he's not good enough. I just don't know how to show him that I'm not giving up on him, and I'm not giving up anything else, by wanting to be with him, because all I want is for him to be OK, and to be there for him to support him.