[vanheart]

Time will tell, buddy. Not trying to be negative at all. I hope it all works out for you.

I want the best for everyone.

I hope that you will post here after 6 months & give some advice, let ones like me know what you have learned.

[paxe]

As someone whose ex actually came back, I'm backing vanheart completely. Though it is true that she may come back, but I think you need to let go because the relationship won't be the same as before. The problems won't be solved and there will still be problems.

You are going to have a world of pain if you give yourself hope like that. What happens when she'll have a fast boyfriend? Will you be so composed as you are now? I doubt it.

I think I got all the experience I could ever get (cheating, dumping me, drunk calling (her calling me), NC, breaking NC, going back together, sex with ex, emotional rollercoaster, me clinging, me not clinging, me begging, me not begging, long term relationship, jealousy (both sides)... ) I learned a lot and combined with other's people knowledge I think we're pretty much on the right track.

My suggestion to you: start NC without any hopes of getting back together, there is plenty of fish in the sea.

[carrera277]

As someone whose ex actually came back, I'm backing vanheart completely. Though it is true that she may come back, but I think you need to let go because the relationship won't be the same as before. The problems won't be solved and there will still be problems.

You are going to have a world of pain if you give yourself hope like that. What happens when she'll have a fast boyfriend? Will you be so composed as you are now? I doubt it.

I think I got all the experience I could ever get (cheating, dumping me, drunk calling (her calling me), NC, breaking NC, going back together, sex with ex, emotional rollercoaster, me clinging, me not clinging, me begging, me not begging, long term relationship, jealousy (both sides)...) I learned a lot and combined with other's people knowledge I think we're pretty much on the right track.

My suggestion to you: start NC without any hopes of getting back together, there is plenty of fish in the sea.

Yeah I certainly don't want to make it harder for me. I guess making it harder for me would be still being her friend. I keep seeing her, it is really pissing me off. Today I saw her on the road, and she waved at me. She was probably going out. One thing I am not doing is waiting around for her, tonight I went out with a girl and had a great time, I completely forgot about my ex.

I know you are saying the problems are still there but I honestly have changed my ways I have reflected so much I no longer have anything to reflect on, I know what I need to do right to make the relationship work. I mean it used to work, so flawlessly as well. These are only stupid complications which can be worked out if both parties are willing. Right now I am willing, but I don't want to jump into a relationship either to be honest only because you are right it won't work out. That is why I went NC because I couldn't handle myself being friends with her.

All I am saying is I am not completely disregarding the possibility. And I am tired of that saying haha. What if I want that particular fish?. And not others. The problem in our relationship? We grew apart and that is when all the jealousy issues came. When we were close nothing bothered us. If both people are willing I know it can work still, even if it is a second chance. Before I was not willing and she was... now I am willing and she isn't. I won't be contacting her, if she contacts me then I think it would be because she still has interest in me I doubt it would be for "just friends" since I have explained to her very clearly that I can't be friends with her.

If she says that she thinks about me with low contact, I can bet my left testicle she will think of me with no contact. I was really good to her, like REALLY good. I got comments from her like "wow, I've never met a man like you before" and when we first started dating she was just really surprised that I was so sensitive and good to her.

I honestly feel as if she is worth the trouble. I don't know why, but I feel something, and I can't explain it. I just get the feeling we shared something really special. She told me she doesn't want to look back if we don't stay friends and say "what if we could have been together?".

I will just try and keep my hope tamed. At the moment, no chance she will contact me. Maybe in a couple months there will be a chance. In the mean while I will live my life, and when I see her show her I am happy and cheerful.

Thanks for all the advice guys.

[jaffeyjoeblaze]

Remember an Ex says they love you and will always love you, but remember that does not mean they are in love with you...

That time has passed... therefore you must let the time pass and if it is meant to be you will be able to reconnect with her, only time will tell once you both grow and figure out what you both want out of life...

[aiyerrc]

Skimmed through this thread, and carrerra, I really admired you in your first few posts. You sounded strong and knew what the plan of action was to leave the least people hurt, which was NC. But as this thread progressed, I noticed, you started to weaken and defend her slowly more and more. What every person has said in this thread is completely true and is only trying to help soften the blow of a breakup. Of course, I'm sure there a people who get their exes back down the road, we have all heard the heartwarming success stories. But they are so few and far between, it cannot be counted on. You sound like a smart person, so I will not attempt to lecture you, but NC is a must right now, and the bottom line is SHE WANTS TO BE SINGLE... she could do the sweetest things in the world, make you feel like a million bucks every time you talk to her, say everything you want to hear, even throw around the L word to keep you reeled in. But her wanting to be "single" is the ultimate trump card. If she was still IN love with you, you would be back to dating right now, but the simple truth is that I don't think she is. For all of us, and more importantly for yourself, go NC if you already haven't, and Good Luck man...

[Imabadman]

Carrera277 you make me smile. Not a funny, ha ha kind of smile. Rather like the little kid you tell “Don't touch!” because it's hot or it could hurt them and they do it anyway then cry when they're burnt. I'll bet you have some pretty scared fingers over the years.

Some can`t see the forest for the trees. That's all right though, you're not alone.

The thing I don't understand is why ask for advice? I mean you have your own self-fulfilling argument. She's coming back to you and that's that. Now you just need to make her understand that too.

I like the others wish you the best. Seriously. And as another said I hope you come back in 6 months or so and share with others who are going through the Same thing you are.

[fiestyone]

Carrera277 - be very careful with this girl. You may wound up in a 'yo yo' relationship of "on again, off again" that can go on for years and in the end it will be a mistake. And you will look up and have wasted valuable time on someone who is not right for you. She may love you and you love her, but it's clear that you aren't truly "in love" not in the mature way. And being the 'person in waiting' is not wise. Simply because she won't take you seriously and will continue to manipulate your emotions to have what she wants. Relationships of real love have solid foundation of respect, not a foundation of 'convenience'. You have to decide what it is you want with this girl, and it sounds like you both want 'convenience' because that's what's safe and easy cause you already know each other. But the danger in that is a word called 'settling'. There's a million great women out there for you to give yourself a real chance with and the longer you waste time with this woman the more women who are right for you pass you by. Don't get stuck with this girl who is clearly not the one for you, at least not at this time. My elders used to say... baby what looks good ain't always good for you.

[carrera277]

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it.

Apparently she is "in-love with me"... she told me that while she was feeding me her crap.

I guess if she truly cared for me and the person I am, which she probably took for granted, she will find her way back, and we will reconnect.

If she doesn't come back to me, screw her hey?

Now that I think of it she probably isn't right for me. She was, but I don't think so anymore. She has changed so much since I first met her, and the more I think about it, the more I don't like the new her.

A major problem would also be we are still in the high teens so confusion is understandable. We are both the same age but I am extremely more mature for my age and that could explain why I get along and go out with girls a few years older than me and each and ever one of them tells me I am mature for my age, if no even more mature than themselves.

I know I am still in-love with her, and it's safe to say she was as well. You just sort of know when you are. She may not be now, but I had this feeling a couple months ago, I was unsure of my feelings for her. But the break up has made me realise that I would love to work things out and only care for her. I have realised how much I love her now but sometimes I guess things happen for a reason.

Right now... NC isn't going anywhere.

[talaniman]

Extremely low contact is more than enough to keep old feelings stirred up. It will take time and strict NC will get you beyond those old feelings.

Sorry guy, but there are no quick fixes, or magic pills, to get over being dumped.

[emopunk7]

NC is working. You just have to give it time. You will be better in time. Hang in there! Think of the bad parts. You must!

[carrera277]

Extremely low contact is more than enough to keep old feelings stirred up. It will take time and strict NC will get you beyond those old feelings.

Sorry guy, but there are no quick fixes, or magic pills, to get over being dumped.

I didn't get dumped. It was a mutual agreement. We both still love one another and did at the time of the break up, but there was so much stress in the relationship that we needed a big break. I didn't want her back at the end of the break up but a few things have made me miss her so much. One of the big factors was seeing her having so much fun without me. So I am going to do the same.

If she doesn't care about me why is she still so worried what I am doing with other women? I told her I was going to see a movie with a girl because she asked me and she said if I could I would snoop on you and sit behind you to watch what you do. She also said it still hurts her to know that I am with other girls. Why is this effecting her? It shouldn't be if she is completely over me.

[amicon]

As its only been 6?weeks since you broke up neither of you is over the other one yet. Instead of wondering what she's thinking or doing and why, you should concentrate on you now,and moving forward with your life. Stick to 100% NC and don't worry about what she does.

[talaniman]

Don't be fooled by her words or the fact she may still have feelings. We humans still get jealous and left behind when a partner is happy without us. It stings whether we want it to or not.

The same thing applies though and just as you are seeing others, and it bothers her, as it bothered you when she was having fun. That's just human nature. You both will move on, and let go of each other, or time will show you something you both missed in each other.

I didn't get dumped. It was a mutual agreement.

One or the other no doubt pushed for it and the other agreed.

we both decided it would be better to be friends even though she sort of broke it off with me.

That makes you the dumped one, even though you agreed to it.

Not really a big deal at this point, but the fact that neither of you had the real skills, or the willingness to resolve your issues any longer, is exactly what breaks up most couples, and causes a lot of fights, and arguments.

It's a learning experience, and either you learn for the next person, or not. No, its not all you, as partners share the blame when a relationship fails.

After a break up, there is really nothing to prove to the ex. But there is a lot of work to do on yourself.

[carrera277]

Don't be fooled by her words or the fact she may still have feelings. We humans still get jealous and left behind when a partner is happy without us. It stings whether or not we want it to or not.

The same thing applies though and just as you are seeing others, and it bothers her, as it bothered you when she was having fun. Thats just human nature. You both will move on, and let go of each other, or time will show you something you both missed in each other.

One or the other no doubt pushed for it and the other agreed.

That makes you the dumped one, even though you agreed to it.

Not really a big deal at this point, but the fact that neither of you had the real skills, or the willingness to resolve your issues any longer, is exactly what breaks up most couples, and causes a lot of fights, and arguments.

Its a learning experience, and either you learn for the next person, or not. No, its not all you, as partners share the blame when a relationship fails.

After a break up, there is really nothing to prove to the ex. But there is a lot of work to do on yourself.

Everything you said here is true. Oh and before when I said NC isn't going anywhere... I meant I won't be abandoning it :)

I am not worry about her and that may be so even if I am forcing myself not to. She just seems to pop up in the places I am at it is really annoying me now. I just think I saw her car parked with like heaps of other guys, so she is probably seeing someone but that actually doesn't bother me.

Ever since we ended I have met so many more girls and that's basically all I have been doing the last week is just seeing a handful of girls and I have found out tonight there is one I am attracted to. I wouldn't have found all of this joy and fun if I was still with her.

Upcoming to day five of NC and I don't feel that terrible... I really hope it doesn't get worse from here. I have no urge to contact her, I only have some thoughts in my head through out the day but I am surprised at myself that I am such a happy person at the moment. Like around all the girls I've been with I have just been extremely cheerful I don't understand why. Also my ability to be an optimistic person has not been affected I am honestly confused. The only thing I am scared of is if it gets harder from here on.

Thanks guys :)

[paxe]

Take care of yourself you're doing the right thing. Flirting is an excellent remedy to break up (not relationship, but dating and flirting).

[vanheart]

Yes, you are doing the right thing. Keep it up.
It will get easier as time goes by.

If you keep up that optimistic & cheerful attitude through this, it will be all good.

Its all a matter of how we deal with our thoughts.

You are the one in control.