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sunaryan008 · Dec 3, 2009, 05:50 PM

I have a party tonight and I have an interview tomorrow morning. I want to go to the party so that I can meet new people and search my gal. On the other hand I have this fear of going to the party, becoz one of the gal who I met in an earlier party (through my room mate) had made a comment on me. She said this guy (me) is creeping me out. But the fact is I never approached her at first. I never followed her, except that I mesged her few times on Facebook and I met her in another party with my room mate. She claims that I creep her out and she mentioned this to her room mate who in turn did tell my room mate, it's kind of embarrassing. What if she see's me in the party with her friend, I will be like an , etc. I am not able to figure out if I need to make this move and go to the party and stop worrying or thinking about what she thinks. Please help!

Now, I have realized that I need a girlfriend. But how would I get one, when I am scared to talk to any gal. I don't know why I am scared. Help me, please..!

Devorameira · Dec 3, 2009, 06:18 PM

Messaging someone on Facebook is considered to be normal behavior. If you know that you did nothing wrong and didn't say anything inappropriate, then you should just go to the party, hold your head up high, and ignore her. Don't let her stupid comments keep you from having a good time. Go to the party, but stay far away from her. Don't even look her way! :D

Fr_Chuck · Dec 3, 2009, 06:25 PM

If you let what others think or what others say control you life, you may as well be a hermit

paxe · Dec 3, 2009, 10:03 PM

Wow, quite a lot of things wrong here. First off who cares what she says? Tell her to **** off next time.
Secondly, you "need" a girlfriend? That will show and you won't attract too much girl with that, you will seem too needy. I suggest having a good night sleep and go to the job interview prepared, because if you have a job you will definitely increase your chance of finding someone. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some pleasures for the greater good.

sunaryan008 · Dec 4, 2009, 01:14 AM

Thank you all for your suggestions... it made my night... I went to the party, spent few hours n now I am preparing for my interview... I ed it up in the party, so many gals n had no f****** balls to go n talk to anyone, becoz most of them were with other guys or dancing and I am new to them. The only person I knew was my room mate, who is great, he was asking me to dance with any gal even though I know none. Is it possible any gal would dance as I am a stranger to them? I felt like cursing myself, so many gals and I could have just approached them and had a dance, but I don't understand what is pulling me back. What the hell I am scared off..! I hope someone could show me the way to come out of this and not feel any afraid or fear in order to talk to any gal, even if she is the most beautiful gal on earth. I am hurting myself a lot and I need someone to help me, please tell me how do you think I can overcome this. So that next time I don't feel anything awkward in approaching any gal or talking to them.

sunaryan008 · Dec 4, 2009, 01:17 AM

I want to make a girlfriend and if I am afraid of talking to them, then I don't see any time in future I would have a girlfriend. God, I am so ed up. Any help??

sunaryan008 · Dec 4, 2009, 01:21 AM

@paxe: Do you think having a good job, will fetch me a girlfriend. How is that possible? I am afraid of something in approaching a gal and talking to her. When I am not able to do that how the hell will I get a girlfriend, I am not able to figure it out.

@Devorameira: thank you for your support, I did go to the party and I am sure you would have read above what happened in the party and how I am trying to figure out to change myself so that I don't be afraid of approaching any gal.

rockie100 · Dec 4, 2009, 02:02 AM

You are putting way too much pressure on yourself. And too much importance on having a girlfriend. You need to slow down. First, and foremost, you need to become comfortable with the single guy you are now. Work on recognizing your strenths and attributes.. Strive to know more about your own intrests. All of this will lend a hand in having good conversation. It will also improve your confidence level. Girls will smell needy insecurity. That's not good. Confidence and personality is what will draw others to you.
Remember that having a girlfriend doesn't automatically make everything perfect. In fact, if you aren't secure within yourself first, you could be setting yourself up for a bumpy ride.

paxe · Dec 4, 2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by sunaryan008

@paxe: Do you think having a good job, will fetch me a gf. How is that possible?? I am afraid of something in approaching a gal and talking to her. When I am not able to do that how the hell will I get a gf, I am not able to figure it out.

@Devorameira: thank you for ur support, I did go to the party and I am sure you would have read above what happened in the party and how I am trying to figure out to change myself so that I don't be afraid of approaching any gal.

Man, you need to relax big time. First off you don't get a job to get girls, you get a job to live your life. Secondly, there is a lot of things you need to work on before you date a girl. First off, you should abandon the idea of dating anyone. You need to work on yourself, get more confidence. Hit the gym, dress much better, work on your future, get an interesting life.
Secondly, you need to meet people, not girls. You need to increase your social circle and then you'll meet someone.

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2009, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by sunaryan008

I want to make a gf and if I am afraid of talking to them, then I don't see any time in future I would have a gf. God, I am so ed up. Any help ???

After reading your posts I suspect that if you don't clean up your language and attitude you'll never have a girlfriend. You have to have something to offer a woman. It's not just a one-way street.

What do you have to offer?

talaniman · Dec 4, 2009, 09:09 AM

Stop looking for a girlfriend and just make friends, male or female. Once you get comfortable being in your own skin, then you can be happy with who you are, and be happy around others. That's what makes you attractive, be confident happy, and friendly.

Asking girls to dance at partys is a good first step.

jmw0713 · Dec 4, 2009, 11:35 AM

Just go out and meet people. Many times you end up meeting someone special through friends.

Go out and have good times.

Devorameira · Dec 4, 2009, 12:04 PM

Chill out - everything's going to work out in time. I'm going to be really blunt. I think you're using shyness as an excuse. Everyone has some issue with shyness at some point in their lives, but most people push through those feelings. Being shy is not an affliction, it's a choice.

You're not going to get too many women to approach you, so you're going to have to learn to approach women yourself, in person. That's the way the game is played and it's not going to change just for you - trust me on this one. You've got to work on changing the way you think. Stop choosing shyness as your excuse for not having what you want in your life.

As soon as you start making yourself talk to people, you're going to find that the shyness just goes away on it's own! Sure, you might feel occasional shyness, but you'll find that it is so minor that it doesn't really even bother you. What was a huge impact in your life at one time will soon become just a minor irritation that you can completely control any time you want to.

I know it'es easier said than done, but you can do it. Good luck! :D

sunaryan008 · Dec 7, 2009, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

After reading your posts I suspect that if you don't clean up your language and attitude you'll never have a girlfriend. You have to have something to offer a woman. It's not just a one-way street.

What do you have to offer?

It is not easy to change one's attitude! It may sound stupid but I have been thinking over your point since 4 days and I am not able to figure out what do I have to offer! If I ask you the same Question, what do you have to offer ? What would be your ans? I hope you can help me out because I am trying to find 'who I am' and 'Where am I heading in life'... what do I need to do to change my attitude??

paxe · Dec 7, 2009, 07:50 PM

For me I have quite a lot to offer:
I have my knowledge, my patience, my charm, my goofiness, my happiness, my successes and mostly my ambitions and many other attributes. You can start working on that, but some are more important than others such as ambitions is a very likable trait in women. The questions (who I am, where I'm heading) you are asking only you can answer them, and changing attitude takes time and patience.

Work towards your future, achieve your degree, become the best you can be, only then you'll attract plenty of fish.

JudyKayTee · Dec 8, 2009, 07:07 AM

What do I have to offer a potential date? Apparently something because I've been divorced, widowed and am now engaged. I also have done a LOT of dating.

Let's see - I have an education, I'm successfully self employed, I have a broad base of friends, I'm well read. I'm well groomed. I've never dated anyone who thought a paper bag over my head would improve my appearance.

I was looking for a similar person and, in fact, found that - and more.

CFZD · Dec 8, 2009, 09:37 AM

You have a job interview next day! Anyway, don't let small things bother you, you should do everything to prepare for your interview. If you are so worried about the party, then don't go. There are plenty of partying opportunities in the near future, chances to meet a potential girlfriend! You are a man, you don't what's more important at this point of your life!

Jake2008 · Dec 9, 2009, 03:41 PM

What makes talking to a girl so scary for you. Perhaps when girls see you at a social event not talking to anybody, not dancing, but basically being a wall-flower, I would think that you are a fish out of water, and uncomfortable in the environment you're in.

It is easy to over think everything, and in so doing you are shutting down opportunities that are staring you in the face. While you are busy being self-conscious, and thinking too much, others are already dancing, talking, and socializing.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. A party is a party- FUN! Block all those thoughts of strategy, self criticizm, how many eyeballs are looking at you and what it means, and stop trying to figure out what people are thinking of you.

I don't know how you can resist not dancing when opportunity arises. Get that first dance in, and the rest will be so much easier.

slapshot_oi · Dec 9, 2009, 03:52 PM

That girl said you were a creep because you probably were, and it makes sense because all that's on your mind is finding a girlfriend, so you probably were staring at her and didn't even notice. You got to get that out of your brain otherwise she won't be the last to be creeped out.

And the qualifying factor is not about "what you have to offer", if you think about that then you'll start comparing yourself to others. Be honest with yourself, if you truly believe you have nothing to offer than say that, people who have self-actualized are a rarity while most have a self-enhancing bias.

That's why you hear the cliché "nice-girl, bad-boy relationship", because those guys know they have nothing to offer and don't hide it.

And I got to ask, why are you looking for a girlfriend at a party? That should be your last resort.

JudyKayTee · Dec 9, 2009, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

And the qualifying factor is not about "what you have to offer", if you think about that then you'll start comparing yourself to others. Be honest with yourself, if you truly believe you have nothing to offer than say that, people who have self-actualized are a rarity while most have a self-enhancing bias..

Asking yourself what you have to offer a date is not comparing yourself to other people - it's taking a look at yourself and asking yourself why people would date you and then working on what makes you attractive to people (and not necessarily in the physical sense) or interesting.

I don't find self actualization to be a rarity - all it is is striving to be the best you can be.

Shouldn't we all be attempting to do that?