[FacelessFoxMask]

I'm in high school and my best friend since 7th grade is a great Christian. She used to be a wonderful friend and be the person I'd always hang out with even though she was a year younger than me. We were the best of friends. We told each other everything.

Well, almost everything.

I didn't tell her that a 19-year-old man had forced or coaxed me into letting him give me oral sex when I was eleven for nearly a whole year, though I had no idea what it was until I was 13. I didn't tell her that my mother was being abusive towards me, physically, mentally, and emotionally, since my parents were divorced.

I moved to Colorado with my mother from New Hampshire last year. Over the course of said year, I was abused but did not tell my dad and his wife about it until I moved back. I was in Colorado from October to June. I told my dad in August. I'd talked to my best friend everyday for two hours minimal in Colorado but never told her about the abuse I was suffering. I'd always known she liked to be a one-upper but never expected it to get so bad.

We are both Christians. We met at our church almost three years ago. When I moved back to New Hampshire, everything to me was dream-like and I felt like I was watching someone else's life. I discovered I had acquired PTSD due to my abuse and my horrific treatment in Colorado by my mother, who I now disliked greatly and feared. My friend was there for me when I cried and needed someone to talk to. However, I was told that when I left for Colorado against my friend's wishes, she had begun to wear black all year, curse constantly, and her grades fell so badly she almost had to repeat 8th grade.

While I entered high school with my old friends again, I began spending time with all of them instead of exclusively my best friends. My other friends and I had never had a fight, most of us being very good friends for 9 nine years.

My friend got jealous. She started making "new friends" and hanging out with Satanists. She claimed she was "evangelising" but this quickly turned her back into what her friends in her grade had said she was last year, something I had not seen. She began to wear all black, used foul language, didn't care if her "new friends" used the Lord's name in vain (which she used to get very upset over if even a complete stranger said it), and her grades began to fall. I noticed this and told her I didn't want to be near her when she was near her "new friends". She accepted this and we remained friends, though it was strained.

Two months later in November, she began to date a boy. He was in my grade I'd known him well for 7 years. He was a pervert and on the first day of school when I'd hugged him, he'd seen my bra and hugged me a second time, and unbeknownest to me had a boner due to the sight of my bra. I avoided him after that. But my best friend started to "date" him, I freaked out. I knew he was likely to do something as awful as the man had done to me when I was 11. I never told her why I was so freaked out, due to the fact she probably wouldn't listen or she'd tell me it would be okay. She broke up with him a week after they got together because I began to cut myself off from her. Things were beginning to get back on track as I helped her get over her pain. Things were turning around.

Then, out of nowhere last Thursday, she did something really mean.

She was IMming me while I was doing my biology final. She asked me to read one of her notes on Facebook and I agreed to after I finished my homework. She pestered and pestered me until I finally agreed to read it, though I said I would after I finished my work (notice any manipulating here)? I read it, and was disgusted. It was a long "poem" about her feelings about me being a terrible friend to her. She used awful language and very hurtful things that were off-topic, including my abuse which she was aware of and my nagging about her and her ex, her Satanist friends, etc.

I had only read half of it before it sent me into a panic attack.

My PTSD is triggered by things that remind me of Leslie, my abusive mother. The things she wrote sounded so much like Leslie and reminded me of Leslie that I started crying and crying. My dad and stepmom and sister were enraged but more shocked at what my friend wrote. I tried Imming my friend back and calling her house three times but she didn't pick up or write back. I removed my "friend" from my friends list on Facebook. The next day I decided to talk to her about what she had written. None of my other friends had ever hurt me like that or made me cry.

Me: We need to talk.
Her: I've already said all I needed to say.
Me: We need to talk.
Her: I really don't want to.

This wasn't fair. SHE could drop bombs but I couldn't? I walked away before I could say something I regretted.

I told my friends what happened and they were angry and shocked. I tried to arrange a meeting with a conseulor with me and my friend about what had happened but she balked. I tried talking to her in the hallway since she was so adamant about not talking about it.

Me: _____, what you said really hurt me. Why did you write it?
Her: Go away, ____.
Me: We need to talk. WHY did you write it?
Her: Go away!

I left her alone and made it through the rest of the day. Since then and returning to school Monday has not been easy. I avoid her even though it KILLS me to think why she would hurt me like that. I told one of my other good friends about it today. She said my ex-best friend was being abusive by manipulating me, which I then realized, she had been. She'd almost been using me since I got back from Colorado for anything she wanted or as her scapegoat. I still don't know why she would write something that nasty about me. I know she's always been angry with me for going to Colorado, but that's in the past and I've come home. Maybe she had sex with Max, her ex, and didn't tell me. Maybe he raped her. Maybe she's doing drugs. I have no idea. All I know is I miss my best friend terribly and I ache physically. Maybe I was addicted to her. I just wish I knew why she wrote that poem about her and if our friendship should ever be repaired.

P.S. I'm still waiting for her to talk to me, since I'm not going up to talk to HER and we've been like this for almost a week.

[Just Dahlia]

You really need to talk to a professional, it will help you with everything:) We can only give advice:(
But, please continue to post if that is not possible.

[Mistique]

I first wanted to say "Everything is a choice!" you can choose whatever emotion (physical, mental, psychological) to dictate your life (or your actions).

She isn't a friend - let her go (maybe share the poem with us... I am really interested to see how extreme she went)... she is going through her own adolescent experience... it has nothing to do with you; she is only seeking someone else to blame. This would have happened regardless of your move.

She is looking for your attention... don't give it to her... move on! You have a reputation and you are a great person... you don't need someone to drag you down. If I was you I would submit the poem to a school counselor and have her under review herself. She is going through something too... maybe tell and talk to her... if not... then you need to make sure she herself isn't suicidal or anything.

[emmasarah]

You should pray for her. The devil is a lyer and I am sure that he is using her in a terrible way. You should move on with your life and start getting closer to God. Don't worry too much. Keep being a good girl. Start working in the house of God, start doing good things for God. God loves you. Don't ever think that God doesn't love you just because you have problems in your life. Accept Jesus as your lord and savior. I go to a church called Light house International. It was made by a Powerful Christian man called Dag Herward-Mills. He has a lot of churches word wide so you could probably find it from research on internet. At church I learned that when there are two Christian friends, the devil will do ANYTHING he can do effect your friendship. Pray for your friendship. Pray that God will touch her in a very powerful way. You have to PRAY! You could have done something that God doesn't like. You could have done a sin. Apologize! Prayer is just one thing. You could read the bible and apply curtain things in your life. Rebuke any plan of the enemy in your life!! Never forget God loves you very very much!! GO TO CHURCH!!