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anupl.2009 · Dec 7, 2009, 04:29 AM

Hi this is my first time here.. I really need your help.. Here is my problem..
Me and my girl are in the relationship since 10 months.. she liked me from 5 years till she finally told me and even I liked her and I proposed after a few days.. everything was great.. all our friends say that we are made for each other.. we share everything.. I even asked her to marry me and she accepted to marry me.. we agreed to marry each other only after convincing our parents about our love.. but now suddenly out of the blue she says that she doesn't want to hurt her parents by telling them about us.. she says her parents will get us married but she doesn't want to see them hurt.. so now she wants to breakup with me.. I asked her why she didn't think about this before so all she says now is that didn't realize it back then.. she says she still loves me and can't live without me.. but will sacrifice everything for her parents sake.. I really love her a lot.. don't know what to do now.. please help me..

Jake2008 · Dec 7, 2009, 04:52 AM

How very sad for you Anupl, what a huge disappointment.

However, realistically, even though you knew each other before you started dating, you were only dating 10 months. That is far too soon to propose marriage. I don't know what she means by hurting her parents by telling them about you, but if the relationship has to be kept secret, then you shouldn't be in it.

I think with her saying that she will sacrifice everything for her parents' sake, and that she wants to breakup, it is pretty clear what you need to do.

There isn't a future with her, hard as that may be to realize, especially the way it all unfolded, but, there is no future.

If I were you, I would accept it, and move on. There isn't anything else you can do.

amicon · Dec 7, 2009, 05:23 AM

It seems her feelings have changed-and sadly,you need to try your best to accept this. Keep yourself busy and see friends and family.
One day you'll meet the right girl.
Take care.

anupl.2009 · Dec 7, 2009, 05:40 AM

As her parents are opposed to love marriage she feels that they will be hurt by us... one more thing her parents had a love marriage so how can they oppose it... and her parents had a fight over her cousins love marriage and now her parents sleep in separate rooms... so she is scared that if we get married they might completely stop talking to each other... but how can that happen... and she also tells me that we should talk to each-other and spend time as friends and says I should not to loose hope in our love because someday things may change and we may get back together...

talaniman · Dec 7, 2009, 10:21 AM

For whatever reason she needs the approval of her family and that's the way it is. If they have a problem with the cousins' marriage, then hers will be worse.

Marriage after 10 months is to soon any way as you have much to work out as a couple yet.

What country, or culture do you live in?

sabrewolfe · Dec 7, 2009, 10:40 AM

She's the one that doesn't really know what to do. She can't have it both ways.
Back yourself out of the situation and let her figure it out. Don't hold your life up on something like that. There is nothing you can do about it. It's on her.

Devorameira · Dec 7, 2009, 10:50 AM

I am so sorry for your pain. Can I assume that your girlfriend comes from a culture that pre-arranges relationships? There is really nothing you can do. Your girlfriend is demonstrating her loyalty to her family... and it appears that she will not go against their wishes. Sounds like she will never be happy doing anything against them.

You really need to move on and find someone who will marry for love. Good luck!

anupl.2009 · Dec 8, 2009, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

For whatever reason she needs the approval of her family and thats the way it is. If they have a problem with the cousins' marriage, then hers will be worse.

Marriage after 10 months is to soon any way as you have much to work out as a couple yet.

What country, or culture do you live in??

We both are from India and our religion is Hindu.

anupl.2009 · Dec 8, 2009, 12:31 AM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

I am so sorry for your pain. Can I assume that your girlfriend comes from a culture that pre-arranges relationships? There is really nothing you can do. Your girlfriend is demonstrating her loyalty to her family.... and it appears that she will not go against their wishes. Sounds like she will never be happy doing anything against them.

You really need to move on and find someone who will marry for love. Good luck!

In our culture most are of arranged marriage..

Jake2008 · Dec 8, 2009, 02:11 AM

It is a shame that it has to be all or nothing. Your girlfriend can likely presume that nothing will change in your culture that would allow a love marriage. I doubt that this will ever work with the both of you.

I think that when the relationship with you got to planning marriage, then she realized that crossing that line with her parents was something she just couldn't do.