[wee_sod]

Hello,
My boyfriend has a 3 year old son with another woman, and he see's his son every other weekend from sat-sun (2 nights a month). His son is a great child but the only issue we are having is bedtime. His son will not go to bed when he is told too and insists on staying awake and will not sleep in his own bedroom as well, Now what I was thinking is that he misses his dad and just wants to spend as much time as possible with him but even when me and his dad say " Okay we are going to bed now, it's time for you too go to bed too" he doesn't want too. He even insists on staying awake by himself and wants to watch cartoons or " play with his toys" now we have been able to get him to sleep before, but never really in his own bed. He will only sleep beside us and preferably with me, he likes to feel the touch of my hair while he's sleeping by wrapping his hands around my head. Now his dad is told by his ex that she has no problems putting him to bed and that their son sleeps in his own room "NOOO problem" when he is with her. Now for some reason I don't seem to believe this. When his son is here with us and when he does fall asleep in our bed his dad will carry him into his own bed afterwards but almost 2-3 hours later not even he starts screaming and crying hysterically saying things like " I want my mommy and daddy, I want mommy and daddy to come get me, call mommy right now..." Now we are aware that he does call his mothers boyfriend "daddy" and there's nothing we can do about it, but what we don't understand is why he does this, he is very loved and gets much attention when he is here, he is not spoiled but he is treated right when he's with us. One night he ran around with the phone at 4am trying to get his dad to call his mom... then this past weekend he locked his self in the bathroom and cried for almost an hour straight saying he wanted his mother. Now I am wondering does anybody have any suggestions as to what's going on here. I believe is may be separation anxiety ( but only at bedtime ) because his mother probably soothes him to sleep or allows him to sleep with her at night and it is hard for him to adjust to his sleeping arrangements here ( although he's been sleeping here every other weekend from feb-may then july- until now) but it's only this past couple monthes it has been happening ( the random wake-ups and scream-outs,cry-outs,tantrums etc;... Any advice would be nice! Thank you very much.

[Jake2008]

Three year olds can be tricky. Determined little devils! What you might try (this worked with mine) is buy a special toy, a cuddly one, just for bed time at Dad's. Explain to him that he's only allowed the toy when he's going to his own bed to sleep. It stays in his bed at all times, and doesn't go home to mom's place.

Although he is with you regularly, he may yet not be old enough to know the routine comfortably, and he feels a little insecure. Time doesn't mean much to a three year old, they only know what they want, and they want it now!

Otherwise, you may have to do a trick I saw on TV with Nanny 911. Prepare him for bed. Bath, teeth, read a story, all the while saying it's almost bed time etc.. Then take him to his bed, tuck him in, give him a kiss, and leave. When he hops out, gently put him back in his bed. Repeat as many times as necessary until he tires himself out enough that he falls asleep. Don't talk to him, or give in to any demands. If you have to, sit on the floor next to his bed so he knows you are there, but don't make eye contact, and don't talk to him. That little compromise may help too if he just needs ressurance that you are nearby.

If you repeat this a few times, the whole routine will be established, and he'll know that there is no alternative to sleeping anywhere but his own bed.

Good luck, I hope it works, and everybody can get a good night's sleep.