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markcd · Dec 6, 2009, 06:41 AM

I met my girlfriend when I had just turned 21. We've been dating for over 4 years and we've talked about marriage, having children, and being together forever. I'm planning on proposing to her, but I have some doubts. I can't imagine my life without her, but I keep questioning how I know for sure that this is the right thing to do for the both of us. I've had people tell me that we are young and have only truly known what our lives are like with each other, and haven't really gotten a chance to know ourselves. Whatever that means! I've always been in a relationship and it is true that I haven't been single for too long. I love my girlfriend, and we seem perfect for each other. But I wonder if some day down the road we will both regret that we didn't really have a chance at being single in our 20s. Hope I'm making sense, because I can't make much sense of my ambivalence in my head! Thanks.

redhed35 · Dec 6, 2009, 06:47 AM

What's the rush to get married?

There's no law that says you have to...

But here's a suggestion, take it easy,enjoy your relationship,grow together,learn things together and support each other... if your not sure about getting married,your not ready... easy peasy...

jmjoseph · Dec 6, 2009, 06:50 AM

This is normal. There are no guarantees in love or life. You just gamble.

I personally, waited to get married well into my thirties, but that's just me. I was wild.

If you love her with all your heart, and don't have any intention of being with anyone else, why not?

Don't make the mistake of having Filet mignon on your plate and looking over at the meatloaf, wondering " Hmmm, I wonder what that tastes like...?"

Be happy that you already have the best thing on the menu.

Jake2008 · Dec 6, 2009, 10:11 AM

It isn't uncommon for people who have married in their early 20's, who later on down the road, wished that they had lived a single life longer. Experienced more of life, and took the opportunities that being single can offer.

Most of your friends are probably single, and they are out doing the single thing, travelling maybe, buying that car, going in whatever way the wind is blowing. Freedom is a very nice thing, and freedom is something that only comes that easily when you are the age you are now.

Replace that with a wife, mortgage, a couple of kids, 9-5 job, no extra money, no freedom. It's gone- poof. You cannot turn back the clock, and you cannot re-live your 20's ever again.

That should give you pause to think seriously about this. Where it may be a deciding factor when you are in your 30's, where the marriage picture is what you really want, in your 20's, it may not be.

I was married at 22, and still married, raised two kids, the whole ball of wax. I would not change anything. But, if I could go back in time, and put off committing to another for the rest of my life, for even five years, would I do it?

Yes, I would.

Gemini54 · Dec 6, 2009, 02:03 PM

My motto has always been - if I have doubts about something important, I don't do it.

Marriage is REALLY serious business - your ambivalence is simply telling you that you're not ready yet.

Being together forever is a long time when you're 25.

Catsmine · Dec 6, 2009, 02:17 PM

I sowed a lot of wild oats before I found my true love. It's scary how stupid I was and I have some regrets about things I did. Working on keeping us happy the second half of my life is infinitely better than being free and alone.

Cat1864 · Dec 6, 2009, 04:48 PM

Here's something to think about: If you told her that you wanted to take a break from your relationship with her to see what you might be giving up, to find 'yourself', to date other people, etc. (in other words to be single again), how would she react? If she said, "okay, it's a deal. I can't wait to see who else is out there," how would that make you feel?