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johnrye12 · Dec 6, 2009, 03:30 PM

I have been with my girlfriend for about seven months now, and I lost it to her. Her sexual history bothers me, because she did things with guys she never had any feelings for at all. Only one guy whom she lost it too, every other single thing that happened with other guys all which also happened in about a year till she met me. My cousin actually was in the same house as her one night stand which bothers me even more knowing he heard it. Making a another fear that he'll look badly at her. I love her completely as she does me, it just hurts knowing she gave up so much to people she didn't even care for and she gave things to them which I have now, but it makes it feel less special since she didn't even care who came to get it. She's only sleep with two people before me, everything else was just close to sex, real close. What's a good way of getting over it or helping me get over it? I don't want to hear your just insecure or just grow up. I just want some help.

redhed35 · Dec 6, 2009, 03:37 PM

OK, I won't say your insecure or just grow up since you have already given yourself this advice..

What I will say is, she is with you now,she loves you,she is not with any one else... she has a past,and done some things that you don't like,and maybe she feels bad about it too,I don't know... im sure you have done things that your not too proud of too... were all human and make mistakes...

If you love her as you say you do,realise that its in the past,and if you can't get over it,perhaps ending the relationship will help...

sabrewolfe · Dec 6, 2009, 03:38 PM

You should probably talk to her about this more, see how she feels and take it slow with her to see how serious she is about having a relationship with you. Her past and your past does not necessarily define how a relationship with you and her will be.

Cat1864 · Dec 6, 2009, 04:15 PM

How old are you?

What makes sex special is not the act but the people involved. IF you feel like her past makes it less 'special' then you need to look past the act to how you truly feel about her.

The only way for you to get 'over it' is for you to change how you think about it. She can't change the past and talking about it may give her the impression that you are judging her. IF she wants to discuss it with you that is up to her, however, it is your issue not hers. Do not make her feel like she has to prove how she feels about you just because you have had second thoughts about her past actions.

A little perspective: my husband has a decade more experience in sexual matters than I do. Knowing that fact has never made me feel like what we share is less 'special'. If anything it makes me feel like it is more so because he chose to settle down with me.

Catsmine · Dec 6, 2009, 04:23 PM

I don't think you need to talk about her feelings, I think you need with her about your feelings. She has a sexual history - fact. You now have one - fact. Hers is more extensive than yours - fact. The both of you need to determine if you can have a relationship with these facts in mind.

Different levels of experience have killed relationships. Is she and your relationship with her worth the effort it will take to get over your anxiety about her experience?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2009, 04:25 PM

As you get order everyone you date will start having more and more "past" so the issue of getting over it ( and really there is nothing to get over) is all your issue. All you have to do is remember that all that really courts is from the time she got with you

Gemini54 · Dec 6, 2009, 04:38 PM

What are you insecure about? That other people know she's has more partners than you or that she'll be comparing you to them? See, the fact is that other people don't care and she probably doesn't either. Women don't usually make love to guys thinking about their previous partners.

Look, in the end sex is just an act. It's the feelings that go with it that make it significant or special. Why do you place such importance on things she did with other people that she didn't care about? She's had 2 before you not 20, and she's with you now. She cares about you, that should be special and you should be proud of that.

Try turning your thinking around and be proud of the fact that she's chosen you to love and that sex is special with you. The other guys didn't get her love - that's what makes you and your relationship with her different and special.

johnrye12 · Dec 6, 2009, 05:07 PM

Most of you guys are right and the perspective helped.