[Persistence]

Hi all

(same as everyone) I loved her, we lived beautiful things(8 months), she start to be ridicilous, we broke up, Nc began, Nc broke I begged her to get back, she refused, NC starts again, 3 weeks passes, she does stupid things like coming to my place just to see me from distance**, living me messages says that she missed me.

** it was the last thing she did and I said to her "why can't you understand i already kindly asked you to stay away from me"

But when I ask her do you want me back she said no every time
I think she started to love me as a platonic

She started to hang out with new guys
What I feel is jealous, anger, miss, hate, love... still complicated ( and it hurts my friend )

I'm aware of the situation and don't want her back again and I will never make the same mistake..

I'm aware that we both made mistakes, mine was making her the center of my life and protecting her damn much yea you call it jealousy

I already read the sticky posts and some life stories, the thing that make me logical for the week is what I read from this forum (so thanks to everyone especially tal, kctiger, rome.. )

So now the real problem is not wanting her back
is not still loving her
is not jealousy
IS the MEMORIES
We did something lovingly, crazily, elderly, childishly, even a little bit illegal everyday that we are together

The memories of her always on my mind I can't stop them, I want to make new memories with someone else but I have no time to because I need to work like 7/24 for the school (yeah really it's a hard one)

I can't concentrate on my work after we break up I need something that keeps her memories away (not just the memories also the feeling that "why just we can't live them again" it doesn't have to be this way making me very angry but the real deal is with the memories)

My time is limited and if I don't have a solution for this my grades they will be worse than it is needed (for university) in no time.

So I need ideas even it's so crazy or childishly not to being doomed with her memories again

Thanks for your time

[jaime90]

Memories will always be with you no matter what- you can't simply choose to forget something, without thoughts and emotions coming up out of nowhere. Surveys show that emotions associated with past events- especially past relationships can plague anyone, anytime, anywhere, for the rest of their life. These thoughts and feelings are also difficult to get rid of. (this means a woman or man who is 10 years into a happy marriage can suddenly feel sad about the break-up of their first relationship. These feelings never really go away.) Also, if you were not committed to this woman, you didn't really love her, and she didn't love you, as love is a commitment. Your relationship seems as though it was focused around the "feeling" of love... Those fuzzy, warm, comfortable "in-love" feelings... But love is not a feeling or an emotion. It is a commitment and a choice- a commitment that you and your ex didn't hack.

It all boils down to moving onward and upward. If you can't be in a relationship right now, then befriend some girls at your school. Do things that you like to do. Plan get-togethers with your co-workers or fellow students, or simply get their number and call them before you go to bed. Doing simple things that you want to do, will get your mind off this woman. Go back to no contact, and stick with it. Be the adult and don't go stalking her or anything. Be mature, make it quick and clean, and move on with your life.

[talaniman]

Its hard to focus when your young and cope with your own feelings, I know. As Jaime says, it's the small things you do for yourself that helps the most, and as hard as memories are to push aside, you must do good things for yourself and make sure your life is balanced with friends, activities you like, and family, as well as your education. Its as simple as being happy making new memories, and taking care of yourself.

A life you enjoy without her in it, is exactly what you need.

[Persistence]

Thanks

I feel more mature now then I was a month ago and I'm sure I won't do the same mistakes again.

I learned that the commitment is not the thing that you hear from your spouse like "i ll love you forever, i ll be forever yours"
It's the work each other done to keep the relationship going

And I learned even if you do everything you can , sometimes the girl doesn't want it to be last.

And I learned sometimes there is the special things that you will always have to argue about.(even if you run away from it every time from making it)

And I learned that being lone (the solitude thing) is maybe the best for sometimes

I got friends in school, I met today a new girl and we hung out for sometime today but when I turned to the work I just couldn't read one paragraph with understanding. I needed to read it at least 3 times. (I read one more then 10 times)

I need just something to do when this happens. I need to block it think about something else maybe then continue to my work

I will found a solution for this today or tomorrow, I'm not going to let all of my dreams drop dead because of somebody that couldn't take the responsibility of being loved

I will keep on writing today here because it makes me feel good (I already can't study efficiently why not heal?)

Thank you very much jaime and tal

[jaime90]

If you simply are having these reoccuring thoughts you need to discipline your mind. Your mind is a battlefield, thoughts can go crazy, feelings roam around, it can get ridiculous. A good tactic I use against reoccuring thoughts that I'd rather not have is speaking the truth out loud to myself. It may sound awkward but it makes me feel better.

i.e.. Say I'm having the thought that my fiancé doesn't love me, and I keep thinking this thought all day long. I will say aloud: "my fiance does love me. I trust my fiance. My fiance is good and commited to me. etc." Speaking truth to yourself can help discipline your mind.

And, as said before, you can always distract yourself from these thoughts by keeping busy with other things and looking out for #1 (that's you!) All the effort you put into thinking about this, can be transferred to something else, say, your schoolwork, a different relationship, a hobby, friends, etc. transfer all the energy and emotion spent on these thoughts, into something worthwhile. You may just surprise yourself.

[Persistence]

Okay there is two things that need to be done

1. having fun, enjoying the moment everyday
2. discipline my mind

I'm good at 1. one
I'm good with my friends, I won't let myself be depressive so much

Thing I need to do
Meet more people, make them laugh(I always feel good when making someone laugh)
Make an archive of funny photos(for feeling bad times)

2. disciplining my mind won't be easy

First of all I'm ambitious, it can be handy
I must try the saying things loud thing(I will probably say "i don't want to live the past again") thanks jaime

Maybe there can be something like trigger(using my ambition) the main idea could be "i already lost a part of my dream, and won't let any other to be" or "no matter how hard the life is, i will live my dreams"

[jaime90]

Good thoughts. It wouldn't hurt to try a few exercises in disciplining your mind. Disciplining your mind isn't all that easy. Most of us would rather "feel" than actually "think," and most of the time, our feelings overule what is true, and real.

I know, I often FEEL like I've been abandoned when my fiancé leaves the apartment at night, when REALLY, he just went across town to sleep at a his friends and will be back in the morning and I wasn't abandoned at all. I can spend all night crying and throwing a pity party in "abandonment" when it isn't true at all... catch my drift?

[Persistence]

I hear you, thoughts should be more important than feelings.. I'm doing some research maybe I need to get "rationalizing" as a habit, if I do, I will make myself be better and in addition to that I will get rid of the feelings make life more difficult

[jaime90]

It's all about getting unwanted thoughts on track and in order. You'll do good. And good luck!

[Persistence]

It's over now. That memories don't hurt anymore. You can rest now buddy. :)