[lonelyman123]

That's the thing I don't have a group of people I put everyhting into the relationship

[jmw0713]

What do you mean? Are you saying you lost touch with everyone while you were with her? If so, you need to reconnect with them. This should be one of the first steps to rebuilding your life.

[lonelyman123]

I never really had very many friends to begin with and now the few I was friends with have moved away

[talaniman]

No wonder your having a hard time, you had no life outside this relationship. But thats the task for you now. To build a life that you enjoy without her in it.

In the future never give up the things that make you happy, for a relationship. Being happy with yourself is attractive to others, and once we lose that, we lose everything else.

Get busy, and make a plan to get out, and find your happiness, through making new friends, hobbies, and activities, so you don't just sit, and be hurting.

Whens the last time you talked to your family???

[lonelyman123]

I live with my family... I don't know how to make a plan to get out?

[bjohnrupp]

Hey lonelyman123- What Tal means is get out and do things and make a life that you can be happy with. This really is important.

You sound a lot like me- my ex fiancé was my life and she knew it. When she dumped me my whole world came crumbling down like yours is now.

Its up to you now to do some soul searching and try doing things to occupy your time. Yes you do need time to grieve- we all do after being dumped. But remember she is out there meeting new guys and enjoying her new life- you need to start doing that too.

Check at your local library for activities going on in your town. There may be co-ed volleyball or basketball leagues where anyone can play. (we have that in my town) Just don't put your life on hold.

Believe me it sucks big time. It's the hardest thing I had to ever go through. One day I'm planning our big engagement party and excited about the wedding in a year and entire future together and then bam- it all goes down the drain.

You have to understand just how important it is to have a life of your own. Try your hardest to make new friends.

You see my ex has tons of friends and activities and guys approach her all the time because she's seriously beautiful so when she dumped me it really was no loss to her but devastating to me. If I (and you) had friends of my own and a life of my own we wouldn't be struggling as bad right now.

[lonelyman123]

Thanks but my ex isn't out meeting new guys and she says she wants to work on the relationship which makes things even harder... I was her life to so we are both struggling

[talaniman]

You both need to get a life, besides each other! And why are you so sure what the ex is doing? Must be in contact with her still.

[lonelyman123]

Do you not think it will work out?

[bjohnrupp]

Honestly- you never know. It is possible that things could work out. But right now she's not being very fair to you. You need to understand that this very well may be over. What's going on right now- is she contacting you still? If she is you REALLY need to stop responding. If you want any chance of getting her back she needs to miss you and know that you are no longer available for her.

[lonelyman123]

Yes we are still in contact... we talk everyday... I just want to get up the courage to say you either want to be with me or you don't just decide? But I don't think that would be a good idea either

[talaniman]

You talk everyday, but have not resolved your relationship issues? You're talking about nothing then.

[lonelyman123]

How should I handle this then?

[talaniman]

When you get dumped you at least have to have the courtesy to disappear, or cut contact or resign yourself forever to the friends zone, until something better comes along and she doesn't have time to be your friend.

No wonder you young guys can't heal, and move on. False hope has you hanging around hoping.

[bjohnrupp]

how should i handle this then?

Very easy- you need to put an end to you being in limbo... simple choose when you're going to text her (no more than a week from now) and tell her you need to know if you are done for good or are getting back together. If she says she's still not sure/give her more time then Don't EVER talk to her again. That means she is just using you as her back up plan. Take it from me- I gave it one week after my ex said she wanted to go on break. She told me she didn't miss me as much as she thought she would and she thinks its done. That was all I needed to hear- it was over. Don't live in limbo any more- right now you are in friends zone- put an end to your misery asap:rolleyes:

[lonelyman123]

Should I tell her I need an answer in a week?

[talaniman]

No that's to wimpy.

[lonelyman123]

I don't care if its wimpy whatever works

[sully123]

Lonely man, I am sorry for you. I know it hurts, but you are allowing her to string you along, and being so available. She says she loves you, but actions speak louder than words. You are settling for a woman who now is offering you nothing, but just stringing you along like a puppet. I don't mean to be harsh, but why would you put your life on hold for a woman, who now is offering you nothing? She is dragging you along and you are allowing it. Go out and think of yourself now, and meet new friends. Good luck.

[talaniman]

That's my point. You have tried everything and it hasn't worked. Take a few suggestions,

#Stop all contact
#Start doing your own thing with out her
#Make new friends and renew old friendships
#Be busy enjoying yourself
Then tell me how you feel in a month.

Are you man enough? Or do you have life and BS all screwed up!