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preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 11:29 AM

I've been with my man for 4 years. We are definetely in love. He really care for me. He has a problem with my weight, my height, how I talk, how I think, and more... OK so I'm only 5' 2 and weight 130, he thinks I'm too fat and criticize me all the time. I can't eat in front of him because he will ask me question about what I'm eating or he will eat it. He calls me fat every single day. I wasn't born in the US so I got an accent and I'm still learning how to speak and write the language so I feel like he s ashamed of me because of that. He don't want me to communicate with his friends, he don't want me to have male friends, he hates the way I dress, walk. He don't want to me to go by his job because he said I will embarrassed him. He always find a way to make everything that he does right. Oh and I'm not suppose to give no opinion in anything he says to me. I should only listen and do what he asked.
I need help I don't know what to do. We are in love but I'm suffering. Please help me.

redhed35 · Dec 2, 2009, 11:35 AM

I'm just wondering if he can find so many faults with you,why is he with you?

This guy sounds like a straight up controlling jerk!

He says he loves you,but his behaviour says he controls you..

Your english is excellent!

I hope you will see your worth more and deserve more then this man is giving you..

If he is making you feel bad about yourself,well ,if you dumped him you would not feel bad anymore.

talaniman · Dec 2, 2009, 11:38 AM

My question is why are you putting up with this?

Accepting bad behavior only invites more, and I have to question your love for yourself when you allow him to treat you like this.

justcurious55 · Dec 2, 2009, 11:43 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...me-421459.html
You're married to him?

redhed35 · Dec 2, 2009, 11:46 AM

I still stand by my post if you are married...

No one... no one! Should have to live with this verbal,mental abuse and confidence bashing.

justcurious55 · Dec 2, 2009, 11:59 AM

I still agree with you red. ;)

preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 12:06 PM

Yes I'm married to him. I'm still asking myself why?

jaime90 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:09 PM

Since you are married, I assumed you would know what love is...

(not to get all "religious" but... ) love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous, it does not brag, and is not arrogant, it is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily provoked to anger, it does not take into account past wrongs, and does not hold a grudge, love is not happy with unrighteousness, but rejoices in what is true, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never fails.

Does this guy love you? Are you loving him by not sitting down and having a serious talk with this guy? After all, isn't love concerned when someone is acting cruelly to someone else?

Withholding food, calling names, etc. is abuse, and you do not deserve that- nobody does. I'm concerned for you because throughout the 4 years that you are dating, you apparently looked over all signs of an abusive person. After you know someone for a while, you know how they operate and know when red flags come up, and most people who are abusive show signs of abuse. This problem did not just appear after you got married- things were happening in the 4 years that you were together, things that you possibly just ignored or passed off as no big deal. Maybe you thought that marriage would solve everything and the abusive signs would go away. Whatever the situation WAS, it is right now ABUSE, and you need to get help.
Go to a counselor, and suggest that he go to one too. It may be scary to ask him to go to counseling, but for your good, and his good, you need to get help...
My fiancé was easily angered in past years, and often got mad enough to toss around the towels and clothes on the floor- this is significantly less threatening than a man who witholds food and is verbally abusive, but my fiancé realized that it was wrong, so we sought help in our pastor and his wife... He needs to realize that what he is doing is wrong, and you need to get help. This could come in the form of marriage counseling, separate counseling, a break for the relationship, or separating living situations. Whatever you do, you need to do it for your own good.

preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 12:12 PM

He got a Facebook and he s single in it. I tried to leave him. He won't let me go. He said I'm everything to him. Nothing I do is right for him.

justcurious55 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:17 PM

So now he's holding you hostage too?

Pack your stuff while he's at work and get out. If you can't stay with family or friends, get your own place or find a women's shelter in your area. This guy sounds just awful.

preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 12:19 PM

U right jaime90. I should. He don't want me to talk to anyone about our problems. He will yelled at me, throw things at me . He won't go to counselor. What's funny he s only 25years old. His friends know how he is but they are afraid to tell me anything.

preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 12:19 PM

Justcurious its just not easy

justcurious55 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:23 PM

I know it's not easy. I never said it would be easy. He's abusive. He won't let you leave. He won't seek help. And he won't allow you to seek help. And if you stay, the abuse will continue. It might get worse. And if you have kids with him, he will abuse them. Not maybe. Not probably. He will. That's what abusers do. So you have to make the choice. Stay and continue to be abused until when? Until you end up in the hospital? Until you have kids and he hits them? Or leave now. Before it gets worse. There sure aren't any signs of it getting better

jmw0713 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:36 PM

You have to leave! Your life is in danger the more violent he gets.

He isn't a man. A man wouldn't do these things. He is an insecure baby who throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way.

However, unlike a baby, he is strong enough to hurt you. You need to get out ASAP!!

A man who truly loves you will not act like this.

jaime90 · Dec 2, 2009, 12:39 PM

If he will not respect how you feel, and get help for the sake of your relationship, and YOUR safety, you need to go to counseling, and seek help and companionship in trusted friends and family. You shouldn't put up with fat jokes or verbal abuse- nobody deserves that, and 130lb. Woman definitely does not deserve any comments related to "fat", but you may have to deal with him while you find a place to stay. That is just reality. Most people cannot just pack up and leave, it could take a couple days. If you have to, you could tell HIM to leave.

Threatening you, or not letting you leave is also abusive and, again, is dangerous. If you continue, the police may get involved, so it's best to just get out and stop all contact with him while you can. You're already in a terrible relationship and you want to leave, the last thing you need to do is make it messy- get out now, make it quick, clean, and just get straight to the point: it's what is best for you, AND for him.

preciousme · Dec 2, 2009, 01:06 PM

Thanks everyone.

I ll do everything in my power.

jaime90 · Dec 2, 2009, 01:10 PM

Good for you, girl! Try your best. It could mean dealing with this guy's bull for a couple days while you find somewhere else to go, or stepping up and finding a counselor. Either way, you're doing a good job by not putting up with this and just letting it slide. Many women in abusive situations don't have the guts to stand up and break it off- what you are doing is very admirable.

justcurious55 · Dec 2, 2009, 01:46 PM

It takes a lot of courage. Good luck. Come back and keep us updated. There's always someone to talk to on here. Even if you just need to come back and vent. :)

Gemini54 · Dec 2, 2009, 06:14 PM

This guy may be your husband, but he's also a complete and utter jerk.

Let me be really clear - people that behave like him don't know what LOVE is. They want to criticize, dominate and control. But they don't care for or love others.

He's an abusive bully and the sooner you distance himself from him the better. Be very careful about this - abusive bullies often (not always) can be violent and make threats against your safety.

You need to leave quietly and quickly and you must seek the support of family or friends. If you need to, contact a women's shelter in your area and ask them for advice.

Jake2008 · Dec 2, 2009, 09:20 PM

Wanting to do something, and actually doing something, are two very different things.

You need a plan, and you need a safe place to go. Abusers are very highly unpredictable, and know no bounds when protecting their 'property', and this means you.

Please seek out your local social service agencies. I don't know where you are, and I realize that you are new.

If you do not yet have a family Doctor, get one. Some local hospitals will give you names of Doctors accepting new patients.

Speak to your Doctor about the situation you are in. As him for information that is available in the community to help you get to a safe place.

Start putting small amounts of money away, either in a bank account of your own, or hidden. Be prepared to leave quickly if you have to, and know where your documents are, such as your passport, driver's licence, etc.

You may not realize it, but that one visit to your Doctor, could save your life.

You must be prepared for things to get worse, not better. You will be particularly vunerable when you leave, so it is imperative that you have a safe place to go to.

Be careful, and avoid telling your husband's friends, or your friends, or neighbours etc. about anything you plan to do.

Keep any information you gather, such as shelter phone numbers, taxi phone numbers etc. handy.

Do NOT hesitate to call 911 if you have to. The police also have information to help you with shelters where you husband cannot reach you.

Please, be careful.