[wallabee4]

Hi, I am the child of a hoarder who has spent my life (so I thought) running in the opposite direction fighting tooth and nail to not be a hoarder myself. I have tools, desks, fridge, etc, well organized, home clean, etc.

but... I have recently recognized 4 issues in my life where I certainly embody the characteristic FEARS and BELIEFS I WILL NEED THAT THING SOMEDAY that = compulsive hoarding.

I really need to/want to change my anxiety/fear inthese ares. It will help if some normal healthy persons point out what I cannot see.

I do see that the common thread is my children:

One is my e-mail inbox. I save years-old e-mails for fear I may need to refer back to them for some reason--either to put some silly thing I typed about my kids into a memory book for them (which, I do, in fact, keep a well-organized memory book, but fear some of the anecdotal moments I only typed in e-mails will be lost if I don't get around to printing out those e-mails before I delete them--but it'd take me forever to look through all them to find what I want... )

Similarly, I have but hate my digital camera because instead of being able to scrap any blurry or not well composed photos as I would have with the old photo-lab developed film photos I tend to save them ALL, believing I'll find the time to 'fix' them using a graphics program which I do quite well in, but again, of course, I don't have time and so instead have 1000's of crappy photos in among my saved beautiful photo memories.

A bit different from those things are craft suplies. I would definitely say I 'hoard' these things. Boxes full of things I save to cut up for crafts--like old Christmas cards, colorful catalogues for making cut-outs for homemade cards, popscicle sticks, TONS of broken crayons--I can't let them go because the colors are so pretty--what is wrong with me?? --and because I think no one needs broken crayons I can't bear to throw them away--can anybody tell me a charity to donate boxfuls of crayons to I will send them immediately. I CAN let them go someplace useful but I CAN'T throw them into the trash... It's not as bad as my mom was, I have maybe a dozen boxes and they don't prevent passageway into a room or anything, but do clutter up my office and garage. I keep saying I'm going to organize my craft supplies into shoe boxes--which, by the way I've saved for just that purpose--maybe I'm more of a hoarder than I think? --This is the task I am currently working on now. And then I will give myself the 'test of time' If I get it all organized and I don't use a certain craft supply within 1 year, I will throw it away.

Last, I recently realized I had tremendous fear of letting go of my kids' outgrown beautiful baby clothes--fear I'd want to hand them down as a grandma/I could save my kids money as Grandma with these perfect condition hand me downs or fear I could make some $ selling it on the internet/consignment store or at a yard sale (but I never get around to having the sale)

I hope I will get multiple answers here and also hope other hoarders will read/seek help.

[jaime90]

It sounds like there is more to this than you simply "hoarding" away old things. (depending on the things this can be helpful, or just plain ridiculous.) I think you have OCD. You could probably benefit from a counselor and/or medicine.

You cannot let go of these things until you simply convince yourself that it is not worth all the trouble and worry. Are broken crayons worth more to you than the precious minutes you spend worrying about them? How about baby clothes? How about money? Honestly! These things are so temporary. Instead of wasting valuable effort on baby clothes, spend it on your children! Transfer all that effort you waste on 'hoarding' and over-organizing on something worth while!

And broken crayons?? If you want to keep them for your children or grandchildren, put a bunch of them into muffin tins and melt them down. This way, you have one big crayon swirled with multiple colors, it's prettier, it's more useful than a bunch of broken crayons, and if it breaks you can always re-melt it. You must prioritize your life, and instead of getting organized, get unorganized! Don't take life so seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.

[wallabee4]

Thanks but this is not new information. I recognize that compulsive hoarding is classified as one of the OCDs. I concede that I am OCD in this regard. I have told myself the same thing and I do give a lot of quality time to my kids/home/life. I don't over- organize/clean. It is mostly these few areas of haording behavior. It is just whenever I set aside a time to get rid of the places where I do see I have some clutter I recognize the sheer anxiety I go through in deciding how/what to get rid of. I'm looking for more than 'don't take life so seriously.' (although I concede again, that that is true for me in the moment I am in when I write this. But it's not obsessive that I clear this cluetter.) I'm trying to figure out what healthy letting go of junk looks like. Because my Mom was a genuine hoarder, my poor Dad was a reactionary tosser. Regretting later when he realized, for instance, that he'd thrown away not only cash my Mom had hidden in newspapers but his entire 12-place silverware set. I CAN SEE that I don't have cash or silver in MY junk that I hold onto but I CANNOT see the normal reasons normal people discard things. I'd like to be just plain normal and can't identify with what that is exactly. And yet, I have no trouble throwing away junk mail or what I can prove to myself IS actually worthless. If something holds a value to me or to some as yet unidentified charity or future grandchild I can't let it go, which is confounding me.

[Gemini54]

I think that it's the worrying that's doing your head in. So what if you've got a couple of boxes of old crayons, bottle tops and Xmas cards?

I think the real issue here is the FEAR of being like your mother - out of control and surrounded by ceiling height boxes and papers. There is also the fear of letting go of things you value - hence the concern about the baby clothes, photos and emails.

If you genuinely want to get rid of the craft boxes you have - why don't you donate them to a primary school or kindergarten? Or have a garage sale, label them and sell them for $5 each.

In terms of the baby clothes - get someone to come over and help you sort them - keep the really lovely ones - and donate the rest to charity. At least then you'll know that they are going to a good home.

The thing is, don't sit there worrying about worrying on your own. I suggest you make a list of criteria and keep only things that match the criteria. Get a friend or family round - go through your 'hoarded' things - photos, emails, craft boxes, baby clothes - sort through the things to give away, delete the photos you know you'll never fix, have a good laugh as you delete the emails and get them to take the clothes and craft boxes away for you.

In the final analysis it probably doesn't matter that much what you save for your children - they won't look at half of what you give them anyway!

Try not to worry so much - it's all ephemera in the end!

[YeloDasy]

I agree with the above answer. I think you are more afraid of being something you don't want to be. Its not completely abnormal to want to hold on to things. If you think about it, you grew up with a parental figure teaching you how to value certain things... and you are following the behaviors but rationally know that it is not necessary.
So, you seem to be on the right track. You have values within your family that you want to pass things on... but really you need to think about what the kids will want... new crayons. Keeping clothes is not bad.
I would make a list of items that you feel are not needed for you right now and throw them out. If you have not used them in a year, throw them out. If you want to save a box of items for your grandchildren, you can do that or give them to your children to pass them on. What the difference in hoarders is they get sooooooo anxious and fearful to let an item go, fear they may even die. You do not sound like you have those fears, just a natural following of learned behvaior. Make a plan and just do it, you will feel better...