[fearxfear]

Thanks 88 sunflower. Honestly when I read other pple post and I think man these pple are getting trampled on by there so "loved ones" and then I look at mine and I realize I'm one of them too!

I need someone to wake me up out of this funk. Thanks I keep forgetting how she hurt me and I keep hoping but its false hope. I'm grateful for this site. I def be in allot worst condition without the stickies

[88sunflower]

Look at it this way, is she your first girlfriend? Probably not.

Have you broke up with girls before? Probably.

Did you get over it and move on? Yes.

There, done deal. It sucks in this moment and I understand that. It hurts and with Christmas coming it will hurt more. But big deal. Be strong, be tough, be sad, be angry, be hateful, be what ever you need to be to get over it.

Will you date again? Probably.

Will you look back and see her as history? Yes.

Will you be happy for these choices? Yes.

There the 8 Ball has spoken.

[talaniman]

Actually guy, you said your peace, and stood up for yourself, but now you have to back up your words with actions, and disappear from her life, while you rebuild your own without her.

Talaniman Rule- When you bump into an ex, keep it brief, and polite, and don't get drawn in to any deep conversations, and be quick about being to busy to talk.

[fearxfear]

Yeah I'm going to do it~ going to try my best =)

[fearxfear]

just need to vent... ugh... I'm struggling so much =*( I miss her so much and I hate where we are and I hate how my life is now...

[amicon]

Vent on Fear its allowed, its normal to feel the way you do right now.
It gets better trust me,even though you may not believe me right now.
All breakups suck but we all heal from them. And Ive noticed you re trying to help others by posting on their threads-that's a good thing.
Take care.

[fearxfear]

I'm so confused, I've been in NC for about a month and I slipped up recently and a friend came by and ask me if I was going to a friend birthday party and then she was like oh nvm... u probably shouldn't come through... ahem is going to swing by. I was like... oh OK that's fine I dun care but then she was like don't worry she probably going to be for a little bit because she has her own thing. Now I'm sitting here and all these thoughts and sadness and feeling are rushing me. I feel the twisting gut wrenching feeling in my stomach as if my soul is being rip from me again. All those crazy thought are coming at me and I fear everything... I don't why. Am I relapsing again? Does anyone else who been through this.. feel this? I dun know why I'm afraid... =*(

[talaniman]

Your supposed to be afraid because your still fresh from the break up. Your not supposed to dwell on it though, when you have those feelings because you can ALWAYS change your thoughts, by changing your actions. Over time, when the shock has truly worn off, you won't feel so intense about thoughts of her, or fear seeing her as much, but for now, you have to do something besides think to long. An idle mind is dangerous, and can play tricks on you.

Have a plan of action, that requires you to focus on a task, when these thoughts come up. Before you know it, old habits and routines that alarmed you, will be replaced by the new way of thinking, and acting. Not easy, but over time effective.

Just be patient as you work through the process.

[Imabadman]

Buddy get a grip on yourself. This self-defeatist attitude of yours is NO GOOD.

She dumped you. It's over and I'm sorry. Time to buckle down. The only way you're going to get through this is to pull yourself together. It's been a month... you need to start letting go. Hell... if anything be angry. Angry she dumped you. Angry she's seeing someone else. Whatever...

There's nothing wrong with a little 'internal' anger to get your mind straight. Just don't act out on it. No emotional out bursts and no crazy mid-night stalkings. Use that anger to improve upon yourself. Learn from this, grow from this. Let her regret it not you.

[fearxfear]

Thank you... I'm started to calm down again. T_T what a scary feeling.

[amicon]

That's good. Stay calm and focused and don't fear your feelings. You'll be fine.

[bjohnrupp]

Hey Fear- I think anyone that has been through getting dumped feel the same things as you. It's going to take a while- sorry to say. Its been 3 1/2 months and I'm still dealing with the pain.

But you'll go from thinking about her ALL the time to half the time to parts of the day. Right now I still think of my ex more than I thought I would at this point. Just hang in there... ever hear the saying "this too shall pass"?

[fearxfear]

yeah I've heard that... ugh... I just struggle so much. I just woke from a dream and it felt so real... How do people handle these dreams... It just feel awful inside. =(

[fearxfear]

Amd why do I have urge drive over to her house to see if she even home... I don't understand that... I know if I go there and she home... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet... stupid

[amicon]

Both the dreams and the urge to drive over to her house are normal after breakups. I think you know that driving over there is pointless so keep fighting that urge.
It gets better with time and patience.

[fearxfear]

Yeah, I figured that out a few weeks ago... It solves nothing but waste gas and makes me feel even more like . I want this to all go away... I hate it... ugh been feeling lonely lately sucks.

[amicon]

It will go away eventually-I hope you keep busy and try to distract your mind from dwelling in the past. See friends and do something to take your mind off her.

[emopunk7]

Hey Fear! I couldn't help but to find it funny when you wrote that you have the urge to drive by her house. My ex lives close by me and I usually have that urge but since I decided to go NC, I haven't driven past her house even once. Mind you, passing through her house is the faster route. No excuses for me and I always go a different direction because it is worth it - I am worth it and I love myself. I tend to think of my body and my mind as two different people who work as one. I can push the gas pedal and turn the wheel her direction but I feel bad for my mind because it will suffer. I know my mind is weak and vulnerable and I try very hard to take care of it and not make it go through more than it has to. Its like my job right now to take very good care of my mind especially knowing how emotional and fragile it is right now. I guess that's just me taking care of myself. Take good care of yourself too my friend. Good luck!

[bjohnrupp]

amd why do i ahve urge drive over to her house to see if she even home ... i dont understand that ... i know if i go there and she home ... then nothing happens and if she not there ill feel even more like shiet ... stupid

Hey Fear- I still have those dreams and wake up in the middle of the night also. They're never good or bad but the ex is always in them.:rolleyes:

My ex lived 1 1/2 hours from me and I was at a party last weekend that was literally 5 minutes from her house. I had thought about driving over to her but knew I could never do it. All it would have done was gave me much more pain. I really don't need to see some other guys car parked in front of the house where I used to park. I couldn't imagine actually ringing the doorbell- either her or her parents would think I was a stalker.

My point is its normal for everyone to have the dreams and urges to go over to the ex'es house but eventually (and it may take months more) it will stop.

I know you feel lonely- everyone does after they've gotten dumped because its unexpected and you have a big void in your life that needs to be filled. It sounds like you really loved her a lot- I think that's when its harder to get over someone. Hang in there buddy.:cool:

[fearxfear]

That was great advice thank u emo... seriously that makes allot of sense...

What do you do when you worry about your ex.. esp if its snowing out... do you say anything? Or just keep quiet