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cmonreally · Nov 29, 2009, 06:42 PM

We dated for 11 months, we were strong and good and yet the timing wasn't right, me going into a divorce him coming out of one. We separated on sad terms, and did not talk for 16 months, in the mean time I had one relationship for about 5 months, and he had a long one for a year. We started talking realized we still had emotions and feelings and the same sexual attraction we did before. Though now he can't get the image of my ex out of his head, he has a hard time with keeping an erection, and cannot move on in building a relationship with me until he comes to grips. He says he knows its irrational and harmful but cannot stop himself. How can I help him with this? I have told him I'm not going anywhere, I love him, and that's all there is too it.

Synnen · Nov 30, 2009, 02:05 AM

Get him the phone number of a licensed counselor.

YOU can't do anything. This is HIS problem, and he needs to figure out how to get past it.

Cat1864 · Nov 30, 2009, 05:30 AM

He is coming out of a divorce when he meets you. You break up and during the 16 months you are apart he has a 12 month (approximately) long relationship.

It sounds to me like he has been jumping from one relationship to the next not giving himself time to get rid of the baggage from the last. He has let it pile up until it is affecting his current relationship. I doubt it would matter if it were with you or someone else. He hasn't dealt with his own past and is letting it haunt your present. I hope he gets a handle on it so that there can be a chance at a future.

You can't help him because you aren't the problem. You can tell him to get a physical (the erectile difficulties may have other causes and he is using the first excuse that comes to mind) and counseling.

Gemini54 · Nov 30, 2009, 02:06 PM

Sounds to me like you both need time out - too many relationships in too little time and no time for pause and reflection. His mind and body is simply saying 'enough!'

I agree - he needs to speak with a councilor and you both need to back off until your past issues can be resolved. This fixation with your ex sounds obsessive and unhealthy.