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whatislove · Nov 27, 2009, 02:43 PM

OK, it has almost been 20 days. And . I tried to do NC, but then she texted. And we texted and talked on MSN everyday since, like before...
And we even agreed that we would meet up, but of course that did not fall through, and I'm kind of hurt.
I feel like I should do NC, but I still can't let go
I don't think she wants to either, but who knows what is on her mind.

Devorameira · Nov 27, 2009, 02:54 PM

Sorry to hear about your being dumped. The best thing you can do is to move on with your life. Don't contact her at all (no e-mail, calls, or texts).

Go out with your friends, go out on a date, and have a good tme. Maybe once she sees that you are doing great without her and thinks you're moving along without her, she'll change her mind.

Good luck!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A break up is like a broken mirror.
It is better to leave it broken
than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

bjohnrupp · Nov 27, 2009, 06:13 PM

Hey whatislove----its been 3 1/2 months for me and for 6 weeks I did no contact but like you we talked on Yahoo IM and texted and my ex also stood me up a few weeks ago after she said she wanted to meet up!

So the reason are ex'es do this to us is because we are no longer important to them- we are ex'es. They don't care about making time with us or anything. The only reason they contact us is to relieve their own guilt.

So don't talk to her ever again! Don't talk to her on MSN and don't answer her texts. She's not worthy of that from you- don't help her out. Just stay NC and you'll start to heal.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 06:35 PM

I would be busy doing my own thing, and less available for her thing, no matter what that may be.

Don't have your own thing to do? You can solve that by finding it now. No need to be miserable, it's a really big world out there, and many interesting people.

whatislove · Nov 27, 2009, 08:10 PM

Sooo
Talked to her
And got a clear signal that everythings over.
Great. Maybe that is the only escape.
I realize that I'm really young ever since day 1, as days passed by, I feel less pain. Maybe our relationship is slowly turning into friendship? I don't know, perhaps? Anyway, ill implement NC if I see fit, but for now, I don't see why I would cut her off. Thanks for everyone's advice

paxe · Nov 27, 2009, 10:44 PM

You cut her off so that you become better and that you don't give yourself false hope. If you don't apply NC it may take a long time before you become better.

whatislove · Nov 27, 2009, 11:19 PM

well, I mean we are still friends after all. I don't want to simply lose a friend.
I don't know... =/

amicon · Nov 28, 2009, 01:53 AM

How you handle it is up to you is your choice of course- but ask yourself if you're really ready to be friends?

talaniman · Nov 28, 2009, 07:08 AM

So if she dates someone else, what does that do to the friendship?

What if she has no more time for friends because she has another romantic interest?

whatislove · Nov 28, 2009, 11:43 AM

Well then she will have no time for friends. I'm not friends with her because I'm holding on, its just because I don't want to lose her as a friend.
I know, its contridicting.. :S

bjohnrupp · Nov 28, 2009, 12:25 PM

Hey whatislove- trust me when I tell you that's its going to be next to impossible to be friends with her. I tried it with my ex and you will only repreatedly get disappointed.

She'll make plans- then break them... she'll say she'll call and then won't. If she has a new man (which is usually the case) she really doesn't care how she treats you because all she cares about is her new man- not her ex.

Sorry but it's the truth. I learned this the hard way- you will too in time.

whatislove · Nov 28, 2009, 07:45 PM

I guess...
But its really hard to do NC, any tips?

paxe · Nov 28, 2009, 11:06 PM

Yep it's hard but it does get easier day by day.
For tips read the stickies on top. My personal favorite is sport. Set yourself a goal when you train (you want to lose 10 pounds, you want to get great arms or great chest, you want to get 6 or 8 packs). Everyday you will see result, you will change the focus from her to yourself and you will feel better everyday.

I trained and set a goal for myself (lose 20 pounds), and everyday I lost a little. The most important thing is that I could see results everyday and it actually changed the focus from her to me, which speeded up my recovery. You can always use this web page as your personal agenda, to tell us how you feel and how you are doing.

Dustin2239 · Nov 29, 2009, 03:18 AM

All I can say is don't let it get you down a women can mess tons of things up in a mans mind. Be social being by yourself is a sin when it comes to things like that

bjohnrupp · Nov 29, 2009, 09:36 AM

What works for me is just think about all the hurt that she has left on you and how she's likely with another guy. Next time she contacts you- you won't even want to respond.

Remember she's only contacting you to make herself feel better because of her own guilt for dumping you. Maybe a small part of her misses you but its more just to make herself feel better.

whatislove · Nov 29, 2009, 01:06 PM

You know, the reason I talk to her is because it eases my pain, I just simply miss her a lot; I want to have a spot in her heart, still.
Its like taking morphine, it kills the pain, but the pain is even greater afterwards...

amicon · Nov 29, 2009, 01:29 PM

I can understand why you feel the need to still be seeing her- but as you said the pain comes back.
That's why we talk about cutting the contact 100%-see that as a detox-which will hurt for some time,but which will in the long run help you recover as the confusion and the pain will ebb away.
By keeping in contact you continue to open up the wound -and you slow down your own healing process.

paxe · Nov 29, 2009, 01:59 PM

You are using you're head right, you're just going to ease the pain a bit, but then you will fall back into more.
You are the only one who can implement NC. You can continue contacting her and stay in pain. Or you can follow our advice. You have a lot of proof of people getting better with themselves once they start NC. It's no magic at all.

bjohnrupp · Nov 29, 2009, 02:22 PM

whatislove- I totally understand what you are saying- it does ease the pain BUT only temporarily. Then you're left with false hope and even more pain.

I don't know if your ex is like mine but they'll text when its convenient for them and then after a little bit they disappear and you won't hear from them for another week or two. So you have to ask yourself if you are worth more then a few texts once a week or once every few weeks.

whatislove · Nov 30, 2009, 12:51 AM

the thing is we keep texting everyday and all the time. As thought we are virtaully together...
I'm so used to that as well, that's like all we did if we can't meet up and stuff when we were still together...
it has almost became a habit =/