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paxe · Nov 27, 2009, 04:43 PM

Patience my friend! Are you taking care of yourself? Eating well, exercising, socializing, taking up new activities?

Stop putting her on a pedestal if you open your eyes there is a lot of superbe women out there. If she hasn't contacted you, she doesn't want you back and you need to move on.

Take comfort that soon enough your suffering will lesser down if you take care of yourself actively everyday.

paxe · Nov 27, 2009, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Devorameira

You sound like a great catch to me. It's hard to find a man who's loving, thoughtful, kind, and hard working. You should be proud of yourself for doing what you have to do to pay the bills and get ahead.

You don't really have a choice. Just stop talking to her period. If she thinks that you're surviving (better yet thriving) without her she may re-think her stance. No guarantees... woman can be a little fickle sometime. Besides, she may not be the true girls of your dreams. Your real soul-mate may still be out there looking for you! :)

-------------------------------------------------------

I don't need anyone to take advantage of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate me for everything that I am.

I think this is a wrong advice. If she doesn't want him, she won't call him. Even if she calls him it doesn't mean she wants to get back with him, far from it. I think this is giving false hope when he clearly needs to move on.

I wish · Nov 27, 2009, 06:15 PM

Your girlfriend is off contemplating her feelings for you. So there's nothing you can do but respect her wishes by giving her time and space.

Remember, you can't control the actions of others, you can only control your own actions.

Right now, your primary focus should be on yourself. You need to act in the best interest of yourself by doing things to help heal from your pains. Once you've healed from the pains that you have suffered, you will be in a better position to figure out what's the next best step FOR YOU.

If she comes back to you one day, then you can decide what to do. But don't spend every day sitting by the phone waiting for her to come back to you. Hang out with friends. Enjoy life.

jmjoseph · Nov 27, 2009, 06:17 PM

I just got this post, and what YOU'VE written about her , that I cannot get out of my mind, is this:

She is "spoiled".
"Her mind is like a child"
She cannot form an opinion by herself.
"She acts bit*hy".
She cannot make up her mind about you.

I ask you this.

Why do you bother?

Why do you care about losing her?

amicon · Nov 28, 2009, 01:16 AM

Yes,why epark? Time to let go of false hope and truly start your healing process. Paxe's advice re activities is excellent.
Knock her off the pedestal and realise that you deserve better.

epark072 · Nov 30, 2009, 07:19 AM

Just dropping few lines before I go to work..
It's been a little over a month since she told me she needed some time to think about our relationship. Everything happened so quick not even within a month. In just couple weeks, she started going out with other guys. This morning, when I woke up, I was asking myself why it happened so quick. And asking again, is she worth being together?

amicon · Nov 30, 2009, 07:34 AM

I think you must consider this over,and as you ask yourself,is she worth it? I'd say she's not and it's time for you to move on with your life.
Don't hang around waiting in limbo anylonger.

fearxfear · Nov 30, 2009, 07:37 AM

hey epark seem like you and I are on the same timeline with the breakup. Seriously NC is the way to go... the pain u feel when you wake up and go to sleep eventually goes away. Trust me, I wake up to dreams that feel so real and I ask myself did I do wrong. You gave it your best shot in the relationship and you tried to make it work at the end. What else can you do? Like allot of times I think I could have done everything right and still be at this spot(sh*thole). Hang in there, Time for you to start living your life. Try to focus on anything... I mean I can't focus on shiet but just do it so you don't sit with your thoughts. It will only drive you crazy. Read the stickies they help allot and its OK if you slip up. I slip up once already =/

epark072 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:04 PM

Threads merged

After four months of no contact, she started showing up at where I go like parties, same movies, txt me and asking how Im doing, call me at 2 in the morning. And she wants to be friends and see if Im changed.
Should I keep doing no contact? Or be friendly and graduately show her that I've changed and different?

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:16 PM

Sometimes it is not a good idea to get back together with an ex partner. But other times, getting back together with an ex can work out very well. The first question you may want to consider is how/why did things end? Did you separate peaceably or did you separate with a huge fight? If it ended peaceably, then at least you can simply reconnect and move on to getting the relationship going again if the feelings are mutually still there. The two of you need to figure out together what went wrong so that you can work as a team to make sure it does not happen again. Make sure you are getting back together with an ex for the right reasons. You mentioned that there was a loss of trust in the relationship. This is huge.
If you have any doubts, or if both of you aren’t ready to commit to making the relationship work the second time around, I’d seriously consider staying strong and sticking to NC. If not, then perhaps start as friends and just take things slow and see what happens.

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by epark072

Threads merged

After four months of no contact, she started showing up at where I go like parties, same movies, txt me and asking how Im doing, call me at 2 in the morning. And she wants to be friends and see if Im changed.
Should I keep doing no contact? or be friendly and graduately show her that I've changed and different?

My response was to this posting. I didn't realize this was such a huge thread!

amicon · Mar 3, 2010, 12:48 PM

What about her changing so that you can trust her?
She still,it seems want to be in charge of the situation.

It takes two to tango and so long as she is not willing to work on her own issues,nothing much has changed.

I suggest you stick to NC and get back to moving on.

epark072 · Mar 3, 2010, 01:58 PM

The thing is I can't say I've done everything perfectly right. It is true that I neglected her for a while and when I got off late from work, she always came to my place to see me because I was too tired to go to her house. But before that summer, I was doing really good and I treate her so nice and I guess she misses me that time. That's why she's trying to see if Im different now. I txted her back last Sunday and she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship but want to be friends with me. And I kind of pushed her by asking what makes you not want to give us a try right now and she said she want to open her heart but she doesn't know how and also asked me
How she can trust me. Next day, she txted me the same thing. She's too busy with school and stuff so no relationship she's looking for. Did I rush things too fast? I know she's controlling this whole situation but I nothing to say because she seems like fine without me.

AmericanGirl01 · Mar 3, 2010, 02:07 PM

She just wants to be friends right now and you need to respect that. By trying to push her into something something she's not completely ready for (or may not want) then you are going to ruin any chance of even a relationship. Ask yourself this, can you see yourself respecting her feelings and being strictly just friends with her? If not, then you need to continue NC. You cannot force her into getting back into a relationship with you, and why would you want to? If you care about her, then respect her feelings and stick to friends.