[tabbarat]

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost one year now. We really love each other, and we seem very compatible, we have great fun, we get along, we don't fight, we don't piss each other off, we can stand each other, and she moved in with me and its great! It is serious and I can't imagine myself going out with another girl!

However, we are from different religions and countries. Her family are OK with me, and they really like me. On the other hand, my family don't like it at all and have threatened to disown me if I decide to marry her one day.

I keep telling my family that it is my life, I love my girlfriend, we get along, religion/culture is not an issue for us, etc.

But they keep saying that marrying someone with a different religion/culture will only cause me problems in future and that they won't accept someone outside "our family circle"

I think that me and my girlfriend are on the same wavelength.. we don't fight much.. we manage to deal with problems wonderfully, and that IF there are some complications in the future, we can get through it.. especially since we love each other a lot.

In conclusion, maybe it would be easier to marry someone from a same religion/culture, but who said that it would be better? Who guarantees me that I won't get divorced if I marry a girl with the same culture/religion as me?

Love is most important.. love and understanding/getting along/personality, etc.

What do you think? What do you think I should tell my family/deal with them?

Thanks in advance

[JoeCanada76]

Who cares what your family thinks.

There will always be some sort of conflict or views that conflict. To say they will disown you for marrying. Then you know what. You should say, okay if your willing to throw family relationship out of the window because you do not agree with my choices for my life. That is fine. Do it.

Be happy with your future wife and if they disown you then your better off without them anyway.

Best of luck in the future.

By the way I married into a family from another country/culture as well. It was not easy at times but sometimes, mended fences do happen and people eventually do come around.

Just live your own life, and make your own choices. Do what makes you happy.

Your family, can either join in and be happy for you or not. If they are not then you know what you need to do. Let them go.

Marry for love, not marry someone else to keep your family happy.

[talaniman]

my family don't like it at all and have threatened to disown me if I decide to marry her one day.

"Disown me".

[I wish]

Figure out what your priority is and go with that. I wouldn't compromise a primary goal because of a secondary goal.

What's most important to you?

1) Religion?
2) Family?
3) Love?

[Jake2008]

As long as you are aware of the consequences to marrying a woman that your family does not approve of, and you are aware how rough this will probably be, then I say, marry her.

Consider what will happen when children come along; be prepared. If you love each other, and can weather the inevitable storms that will come your way, then don't give it a second thought.

Tell your parents- together- of your intentions, and you hope they will accept your decision. You are sorry if they don't, but you have made up your mind.

I agree with the others that they will come around eventually, but, don't count on it as it may never happen.

[hheath541]

Tab, it sounds like you've already answered your own question and are just trying to make sure others feel the same. That's fine, but I don't think you honestly want anyone to talk you out of marrying her. You love her and have already said that love is the most important thing. Go with your heart. Hopefully your family will be able to respect that eventually.

[liz28]

It is your life and therefore you have to live for you and not anyone else. I am sorry your family is stay living in the dark ages and trying to kill your happiness>>>>that is wrong.

You just have to realize that your family is trying to control you and you deserve to be happy. I wouldn't do this to my child.

[Fr_Chuck]

I was basically disowned when I married my last wife, because of her skin color

So at the end of the day it is your choice, you will not change the family view point, so your choices, is decide what is important for you

[smazhar2]

I truly believe that marruage is a culmination of all the really important areas of your life. That is to say your family, your ideas, and at some extent your religion since it is such a bug part of life. What you should ask yourself is: "Am I willing to give up my family and religion for this person?" If you are then go for it.


You may actually consider asking your parents what specifically about her is it that they do not like - is it just that she has a different religion or something else. In this conversation you may want to explain why you love her so much and why you wish to spend the rest of your life with her. Let them know that you would like for them to be a part of your life moving forward and if they can't accept that now, you are planning on making an extra effort to keep them in your life.


Trust me you want to keep your parents in your life if not for you future kids but for yourself because if your marriage ends up not working out you will need support and even if it does work out you will always resent your wife for making you choose.

[jmjoseph]

Tell your family that you are truly happy. Tell them that you will probably marry this girl, have children, and make them grandparents. Tell them that it would be a heartbreaking shame if your children do not get the joy of knowing their grandparents.

Decisions like choosing a lifelong mate, is best made by the person you see in the mirror every morning.

Tell them that they raised you well, and that you are growing into a person who sees no difference in God's(or your religious belief's object of worship) creations.

The heart is wonderful in the way of loving someone for being just right for you.

People search for the right person for them to love. Some die without having found that person, and just settle for whatever they can find.

There are literally millions of people that are miserable because they married the sort of people that they were "supposed" to marry.

Don't add to that number.

Life is short. Do what makes you happy.

Being happy shouldn't be this hard, it's simply just not fair.

I wish you both the best.

[slapshot_oi]

After all the effort you put into getting this girl in the first place, I find it hard to believe you would let something like this get in the way.

[tabbarat]

Lol... slapshot! You know me ;) my mom has cried in front of me (of course I also did), but I still stood my ground

I firmly believe what all you guys are saying in that life is short, and do what makes you happy, etc.

I really believe that you marry someone that you really love and get along with... not someone who happens to have the same hair color as you or prays in the same way...

I know so many couples of the same culture/nationality who got divorced.. so what makes that a betterchoice?

I'm still holding my ground.. I know it will be a long process... im still 28, she is 25... we will be one year together soon, so we can wait maybe one or 2 more years before we take any decisions... from now till then, I hope the parents come around... I will try to convince them, or hopefully they will see how happy we are... if not, so be it... oneday, they will be gone, and it will be my new life, and new "circle"

Poor girl even said she would convert for me to please my parents...

[artlady]

What can you live without?
What can you not live without?

[tabbarat]

I can live without my family... I love them, but we were never very close... I have been away from them for 3 years, we speak once a week on the phone, and see each other once a year... im OK with this... I love them, and they were great parents... but I hate how they think that not all religions or cultures are equal, etc.

I can't live without my girlfriend... those of you who followed my previous questions threads, know how much we went through to be together.. and now we spend all our days together and we are so in love... I can't imagine a day in which I'm not with her

Basically, it will be better if my family accept... bt if not, I'm cool

[J_9]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here okay... now this is not my personal belief, but something that should be brought up.

When you have children.. what religion/culture will you bring them up in? This can be a very touchy subject that is rarely touched upon until the children arrive. Even then, there are disagreements.

Families will want their religion/culture and you or our significant other may side with what they have been brought up with. This really is something that the two of you need to sit down and talk about.

If worse comes to worse, and you both want to be together, you may consider converting to a religion that neither of you were raised in.

[jmjoseph]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here okay...now this is not my personal belief, but something that should be brought up.

When you have children..what religion/culture will you bring them up in? This can be a very touchy subject that is rarely touched upon until the children arrive. Even then, there are disagreements.

Families will want their religion/culture and you or our significant other may side with what they have been brought up with. This really is something that the two of you need to sit down and talk about.

If worse comes to worse, and you both want to be together, you may consider converting to a religion that neither of you were raised in.

This is something that I have experienced somewhat. My wife was raised Baptist when she was younger, then her parents switched to the Presbyterian church when she was a tennager. I however, was Catholic since Christening, and up until 5 years ago was still practicing that denomination. We BOTH converted to the Methodist Church because they had the best children's program in our town. In the state actually, for that matter. Now I know that this isn't such a radical change for us, because it is the same Lord, same god.

I was just re-enforcing J_9's point, because the birth of our children changed OUR circumstances. To the good actually, because we are happier in our faith than we have ever been( sorry Pope, I just wasn't getting fed).

If your girlfriend says she would convert to YOUR religion, that makes me think two things. One , is that it might smooth things over with your family, and it would make it easier to raise your children in that faith. And two, she is a keeper because she is willing to accept your faith because she truly loves you.

I think you should go to Jared's.

[JoeCanada76]

Why are you going to spend the next couple of years to convince your parents. That is just not being mature about this situation.

You do not need to convince anybody, but you are not even close to your family and you will allow them to interfere.

Maybe your afraid of commitment and trying to use your family as an excuse not to get married to this girl that you say you love.

She should not have to change religion to please your parents. Honestly your parents should go you know where. Do not let your wife change who she is, that will ruin your so called possible marriage before it even starts.

As far as religion is considered you could always bring your children up in both. Have them brought up in a way which they are exposed to both religions growing up and then when they are old enough they can chose for themselves if they want, which ones they gravitate towards.

It is very simple.

[talaniman]

As one who questioned both your motives and actions in your previous post, I am truly glad you overcame those past obstacles and are working together now.

I think as long as your both willing to work through whatever obstacles life throws at you, you will find solutions that work for you both.

I also think your parents will come around when they see the grandkids, and they are being raised as good humans, who respect the differences and embrace all of their family, and are happy, and healthy.

What ever way you choose, do it with love, and much happiness will follow.

[tabbarat]

Religion issue: we decided that she will ocnvert to my religion to make it easier on the kids, and in hopes maybe my parents would come around. However, we decided to teach our kids about both religions.

Commitment issue: I decided I want her, but yes, maybe waiting for a year more because not ready yet for that big step

What happened today: last night, my brother (who sides with my family) got in an argument with her... he told her that she isn't good for me, and that she would never be good enough for us, and that she shold just leave, and disrespected her... when I heard this, I told my bro to mind his own business and to not interfere with our relationship.. and that if he wanted us to stay brothers, he would have to respect mychoice...

My mom heard about this, and didn't like that me and my bro are fighting about this... she obviously used this as an excuse to convince me to end it with her... but I stood my ground, my mom started crying, and told me to choose... either her or my girlfriend... I said I don't want to choose... I love them both, etc. when they kept pushing, I couldn't anymore, and I just walked away...

Comments anyone?

[JoeCanada76]

Why are you going to spend the next couple of years to convince your parents. That is just not being mature about this situation.

You do not need to convince anybody, but you are not even close to your family and you will allow them to interfere.

Maybe your afraid of commitment and trying to use your family as an excuse not to get married to this girl that you say you love.

She should not have to change religion to please your parents. Honestly your parents should go you know where. Do not let your wife change who she is, that will ruin your so called possible marriage before it even starts.

As far as religion is considered you could always bring your children up in both. Have them brought up in a way which they are exposed to both religions growing up and then when they are old enough they can chose for themselves if they want, which ones they gravitate towards.

It is very simple.
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