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bran83 · Nov 25, 2009, 05:00 PM

I'm 26 and my boyfriend is 18, we're getting married in December and everyone thinks that's crazy? Why is age such a big deal?

J_9 · Nov 25, 2009, 05:04 PM

Age is such a big deal because you are at different stages of your life. At 26 you should be finished with college and starting a career. At 18 he should be graduating high school and starting college.

Age isn't as much a factor when you get older, but for now, like I said, you are in different stages of life.

bran83 · Nov 25, 2009, 05:14 PM

I know, I totally understand that, he's just so mature it's unreal. I have a 2 year old little boy who calls him "dada" and absolutely loves him, and he's such a great companion. He wants me to marry him and I love him with all of my heart so... Is it really a huge deal?

J_9 · Nov 25, 2009, 05:18 PM

Yes, at his age, it really can be a big deal. I'm not saying the two of you won't make it, but the likelihood that you do is rather small. He still has some milestones to reach that you have already achieved.

Later in life, down the road, it is possible that he may become resentful. Feeling that he missed out on a part of his life because he married so early.

ohsohappy · Nov 25, 2009, 05:19 PM

Do you ask if it's a big deal because people you know don't agree with it?

I hope you met and started dating when he was 18.. .

ScottGem · Nov 25, 2009, 05:20 PM

So you have a 2 year old. That seems to indicate you may not have the best judgment in men. You don't say how long you have been together, which is a key issue. When did he become 18? Did your relationship start before then? Could his relationship with your son, be clouding your judgment?

bran83 · Nov 25, 2009, 07:21 PM

We've known each other for 5 years, my brother and him went to school together and hung out throughout the years, and I always knew he had a huge crush on me ( I thought nothing of it or him) I was recovering from gallbladder surgery(went way wrong) and had just gotten home after being in the hospital for 3 months.. He was there, and like just started helping take care of me, then we started hanging out everyday, then it became kind of serious... Its hard to explain, I know he's young but I can't tell you how serious and mature he is! We've been together for a year, this month. And he's still the best guy ever! He brings me roses still out of the blue, rents movies and brings them over on the week nights, and so much more, little things everyday that totally shows me he's so in love with me, and I love him, I love him because he's caring,loving,sweet, mature, treats me good, loves my son like he's his own, and tells me everyday how much he loves me. I've been through some of the hardest times and this is the sweetest thing that's come along and I'm not going to throw it away. I t feels too right, and my parents love him and his love me so... believe it or not, I truly believe what we have is real and the age is just a test of our strength. I think God blessed me with him because he knew I needed someone like him in my life.

J_9 · Nov 25, 2009, 07:46 PM

Think about this... you've known him since he was 13 and you were 21. Do you see anything wrong with that?

While I said it might work. The odds are not in your favor.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 25, 2009, 07:48 PM

The odds are that in the next five years he will change a lot, and while it may be good and work, odds are he will change so very much.

bran83 · Nov 25, 2009, 08:00 PM

I appreciate your input. Thank you.

jmjoseph · Nov 25, 2009, 08:03 PM

You really should reconsider this marriage. Maybe he is so close to your son because he sees him like a little brother.

You were 21, and he was 13!!

That in itself speaks volumes.

You were of legal drinking age, while he was just starting puberty.

The year you graduated high school he was getting ready for the fifth grade.

While you were pregnant with your child, he couldn't come see you because he only had a learners permit.

When you became a teenager, he was in kindergarten.

You get my drift?

Ultimately, this is a decision for the two of you. But obviously you have a problem with it.

There is a voice in your head telling you that this is a wrong. Listen carefully to that voice. It is the sound of reason.

ScottGem · Nov 25, 2009, 08:05 PM

The main point here is that there shouldn't be a rush. Let the kid go to college and after college if you still want to be together then go for it.

Cat1864 · Nov 25, 2009, 09:18 PM

Has he graduated from high school, yet?

What bothers me is that you became a couple when he was 17 years old. What experience has he had with dating and being in 'love' before your relationship developed?

I agree that you need to have a longer engagement. I think you are caught up in the wants and desires of the present and are doing your best to ignore the thought of just what 'forever' means.

Why are you choosing to get married now? It is almost like you are afraid that if you don't get married now, then he will find some one else or grow apart from you as he matures. That can still happen even if you are living together as man and wife. It just makes it harder to dissolve the relationship.

Something to very seriously think about, does this rush to marry have anything to do with what happened with your child's biological father?

Jake2008 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:05 PM

It is only an 8 year age difference. If you were a mature 18 year old, and he was 26, I wonder if we would tend to look at this as more acceptable.

I'd be thinking in more practical terms like, does he have a job, an education. What are his goals in life, and how is he going to achieve them.

As to success in marriage, I don't know that we can predict yours will fail, anymore than we can predict 'appropriate' ages will fail. Well, maybe we can.

The divorce rate is over 50% now isn't it?

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2009, 10:33 PM

I would say that it does not matter what anybody else thinks. At the same time rushing into marriage is not a good idea either. 18 years old is young to get married.
Whether people think your crazy or not. You have to make your own decisions on what is best for your life. Etc... Etc... Etc...

Wish you both all the best.

Joe

ScottGem · Nov 26, 2009, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

It is only an 8 year age difference. If you were a mature 18 year old, and he was 26, I wonder if we would tend to look at this as more acceptable.

Actually, if the sexes were reversed I think we would be even less acceptable. A 26 yr old male starting a romantic relationship with a 17 yr old girl would raise more red flags since the greater likelihood is the male was exploiting the female.

There has been no mention of whether the relationship has progressed to a sexual one (and I don't want to know) but I really don't see any exploitation of an older person towards a younger person here. As I would strongly suspect if the sexes were reversed.

jmjoseph · Nov 26, 2009, 07:24 AM

It sounds as if he is more mature than an average 18 year old, and she less than 26.

It takes all kinds.

talaniman · Nov 27, 2009, 07:07 PM

Things are going good now but what's the hurry, if its as real as what you say there is plenty of time to make sure. A year is nothing for knowing someone romantically, as compared to the rest of your life. If it looks as good in another year, then you can talk of something more long lasting.

Heck a year is barely past the honeymoon, when everything is still new, and lovely.