[mrs hollow]

What can I do I love my husband sooooo much but I really want to go home but he doesn't I am out of my comfort zone see because I 300 mikes away from home where I shouldve stayed but I followed my hisband but its really starting to grow me right down to the ground . I'm a mam of two boys and I just can't get out if the house where I'm staying at the minute. Iwanna be a mam and do things that we do but my anxiety disorder is really growing strong and it has really ruined my life and not only that I have an ear infection which is sending me deaf and the medication I'm on os running me down and I feel like I don't know who I am anymore just feels like my mind has gone blank. Sometimes I don't even recognise that I have had kids because although they are trying to help me but for them to kindof take the kids off me isn't the answer is it. Please I need help I have antidepressants here to take but do I take them when I have been on and off them and on the antibiotics as well what do I do I need to take control before it goes too far.I know its anxiety because thts all the doctor says it is but what else can it be really thinking that it is pnd because thinking about it the panic attack happened after the birth of my second child.Anyone else have any answers to this don't want to end up in hospital far too many symptoms to tell you but they are all anxiety related...

[bigblack]

Breathe... in... out... in... out...

Now, if you can try to calm yourself for a bit... can you take a little time to research anxiety and what YOU can do about it? I get the feeling that you need to TALK to somebody, get your feelings out there, and deal with those feelings without getting too over-whelmed.

First off, you're not feeling well with an ear infection. I'm not a fan of anti-biotics, but do realize that they have their place... so finish those as prescribed!

Second, you're a mom... you have lots of responsibilities without the support you may have had if you were closer to what you call 'home'. Give yourself a bit of a break here. It's over-whelming at times, but keep up with the breathing and breaking the pie into small pieces (your responsibilities, things that just have to get done), it'll all be OK... you are capable, hun, you are capable.

Can you do me a little favor and start a personal journal... write down things that are upsetting you. Write down things that make you happy, everything. Sometimes just getting it 'out' makes all the difference in the world. I say that because it is sooo damn easy for a dr to pre-scribe anti-depressants to 'depress' the feelings you have (and get you out of their office quicker)... but you may need to take the time to examine your feelings closer. They may not be as bad as you think. And if you were to finish the 'what if... ' thoughts, you'll still wind up being OK, hun... really, think about that.

[mrs hollow]

Today is going to be a ultimatum day because I am sooooooo fed up of doing the same thing day in day out.I don't feel right being here at all, think because I don't know the area and all I have done for three months now is lock myself away in the bedroom and now I have totally stuufed my head up. I wouldn't want to call me a mother because mams like me don't do things like that I'm with them but I'm not actually looking after them. Can any mam relate to that! I just feel sooo strange in myself and I have had a councillor but I hardly ever seen her so that was pretty much the reason to come down here to get help and for a fresh start and now look what's happened I'm a total mess and I'm actually a bad mam. If only I could get my husband to listen to me and see my way of thinking but he won't. He is all willing for me to walk out of our marriage and leave me to get more and more unwell .so I have tried everything even down to speaking to professionals and nobody wants to know anymore if it would help I would put my story about the true me on here but it wouldn't really make much difference would it.